3月23日

日记

　•　1923年

伍尔夫所有出版的日记是从1915年至1941年，中间因病中断过一两次，时间跨度长达26年，但是3月23日这一天，居然只有1923年有一篇日记，真是稀有。而且3.23.1923，跟3这个数字很有缘份的样子。

我已经差不多忘了1923年年初，伍尔夫一直在为艾略特奔忙，为他筹款，为他找工作。伍尔夫极力劝他到凯恩斯的《国家》杂志里担任文学编辑，可是艾略特最后还是退缩了，结果这份工作给了伦纳德，倒也不错。

书信

　•　1909年

致Violet Dickson

Well-I wish I ever saw you: a fine spirit, like some pale taper in a gale -Do you see yourself-flowing all night long-the flame streaming like a river.

【莫名就喜欢这样的文字】

　•　1913年

致Gwen Raverat

“我没意识到你侮辱了我，或者说侮辱了住在伦敦的人。当然，你的信通常都让我非常生气，但那是因为它们中弥漫着一种激烈的“新异教”精神，而我知道你并不打算为此道歉——尽管那种精神实在是可恨透顶（也许那句侮辱人的话其实根本不在信里）。”

　•　1917年

致Vanessa Bell

I did think you looked in want of a holiday-and coming to London is only the fire after the frying pan, as you would say.

我觉得你看起来真的需要休假了——而去伦敦不过是“刚出油锅，又入火坑”。

【“the fire after the frying pan”，译成中文是“刚出油锅，又入火坑”，查了一下，看来中文的这个说法是来自英文。而英文中这个idiom最早出现在1529年托马斯·莫尔的A Dialogue Concerning Heresies一书中。当然，如果继续往前追溯，还可以找到更古老的，但这应该是完整的"out of the frying pan, into the fire" 的最早用法了。当然，中文有自己的表达方式：才出虎口，又入狼窝。这应该是我们中文自己的了吧。安吉拉·卡特曾说：Out of the frying pan into the fire! What is marriage but prostitution to one man instead of many? No different! 】

　•　1919年

致Vanessa Bell

很长一篇，首先是给姐姐的女儿取名的事。看来Angelica 是伍尔夫定的？

其次谈到劳伦斯在Cornwall 有两幢小屋，伍尔夫最喜欢Cornwall，是她童年度假消暑的地方。劳伦斯这是当二房东。凯瑟琳·曼斯菲尔德和丈夫也租住过。

由此又谈到曼斯菲尔德的丈夫Murry，他刚当上一本文学杂志的编辑，神气极了，到处约稿。

　•　1923年

致Manyard Keynes

生病 typhoid germs。通知凯恩斯艾略特拒绝了《国家》杂志的文学编辑工作。她也如释重负了。（见同日日记）

　•　1927年

致Julian Bell*

。。。

致Vita Sackville-West ✓

【这是我喜欢的一封信】

我记得读过一封信，是Vita 的丈夫写给伍尔夫的，让她劝维塔打疫苗。于是伍尔夫就写信给维塔了，让她去打，如果不打，她就会怎样怎样，类似威胁。

这里提到的打疫苗，估计就是指上述事情：“发烧了两天——全都是因为接种疫苗，还有我那些所谓的“原则”！我知道这是我活该。我当初那样轻描淡写地劝你去打疫苗——对你几乎没有一点怜悯—现在就轮到你笑我了。”

two days high temperature-all owing to inoculations, and my principles- I know I deserve it. I urged you so lightly into it-how little I pitied you and now you shall laugh at me.

前几天晚上和莱顿谈话，他突然问我该不该继续一段恋情——是冲下悬崖，还是在边缘止步。

“停下！停下！”我叫道，脑海里立刻浮现的就是你。

那么，如果我自己也放任自己掉下去，会怎样？你告诉我答案吧。

“掉下去？掉进哪儿？”你会说。

“掉进一个标着V字的悬崖。”

I had a visit from Edith Sitwell whom I like. I like her appearance-in red cotton, many flounced, though i t was blowing a gale. She has hands that shut up in one's own hands like fans-far more beautiful than mine. She is like a clean hare's bone that one finds on a moor with emeralds stuck about it. She is infinitely tapering, and distinguished and old maidish and hysterical and sensitive. She told me awful Bronte stories about being cursed by her mother as a child and made to kill blue bottles in a hot room. I like talking to her about her poetry-she flutters about like a sea bird, crying so dismally. But honey, can one make a new friend? Can one begin new inti mate relations?

“伊迪丝·西特韦尔来拜访我，我挺喜欢她。

我喜欢她的外表——一身红棉布裙子，很多荷叶边，尽管外面狂风大作。她的手放进我的手里时，像一把折叠的扇子——比我的手漂亮多了。

她像一块在荒原上偶然捡到的洁白兔骨，上面点缀着翡翠。

她纤细、优雅，有种老小姐式的神经质和敏感。

她跟我讲可怕的勃朗特故事，说小时候被母亲诅咒，还被迫在闷热的房间里杀死绿头苍蝇。

我喜欢跟她聊她的诗——她像海鸟一样飘来飘去，叫得悲切凄凉。

但是，亲爱的，人真的能交到一个新朋友吗？还能开启一段新的亲密关系吗？”

Dont mistake me. No precipice in this case-Only I was discussing friendship with Morgan Forster. One cannot follow up human relations any more he said. Theres Dante to read. Solitude ——ones soul. He is half a monk. An elderly bugger is always something of a priest.

别误会我。这次没有悬崖——只是我在跟摩根·福斯特谈论友谊。

“人类关系是没法继续追下去的，”他说，“还有但丁要读呢。孤独——人的灵魂。”

他像个半修士。一个上了年纪的同性恋总有点像个牧师。

【“一个上了年纪的同性恋总有点像个牧师。”这可以算一条伍尔夫语录了。】

　•　1931年

致Ethel Smyth**

#评Henry Brewster的写作

about HB’s [Henry Brewster] writing —As I say my remarks applied to his letters; I should never say that his books were badly written because they’re not literary—in fact, for me, like most Americans, he is much too literary in one sense—too finished, suave, polished and controlled; uses his brains and not his body; and if I call him not a bom writer, its because he writes too well—takes no risks— doesn’t plunge and stumble and jump at boughs beyond his grasp, as I, to be modest, have done in my day; and you. It trickles off me—his beauty —instead of raising the nerves in my spine—But this is the way with all Americans—they cant throw things about as we do. cant take liberties: are so d—d refined for example Henry James.

【作家不好当啊。写得太好也不行。伍尔夫不喜欢的原因是，完成度太高，修改得很好，有节制，用脑子而不是用身体写作，不是天生的作家，写得太好，so damed refines, 美国作家的通病】

　•　1932年

致George Rylands

解释为什么她拒绝了克拉克讲座的邀请，因为“我怎么可能临时死记硬背六场讲座内容，而我对那个领域又一无所知呢？” 没有办法胜任，所以“我跟院长说我“深受感动、万分感激”，这是真的；但我也说我无能为力，这也是真的……”

　•　1936年

致David Cecil

I never thanked you too for your Jane Austen.1 I’ve been reading it with great pleasure. I think its very good. For one thing, you pack so much into such a shapely nutshell: and then, besides making clear what one knows already, you set one asking questions (my test of criticism) about what one doesn’t know at all. I now want to begin on Jane Austen again in order to verify and explore. Persuasion I thought last time I read it was my favourite, and I remember wondering what would have happened had she lived say another 10 or 20 years and developed that vein. But I mustn’t run on: you see how much your nutshell holds. And how difficult it must have been to give a new fold to that so often neatly folded—what figure do I want? I’m so sleepy I can’t think; but I’m dreaming of a lovely little toy that used to lie in a workbox: a nut, full of green silk.

我一直没能感谢你那本关于简·奥斯汀的书的原因。我最近读得非常愉快。我觉得这本书写得非常好。一方面，你把那么多内容都浓缩在一个优美的“坚果壳”里；另一方面，除了把人已经知道的东西讲清楚之外，你还引发人去提出问题——这是我判断批评是否优秀的标准——那些自己以前完全没想过的问题。我现在想重读简·奥斯汀，以便验证你的观点、继续探索。上次读《劝导》的时候我觉得那是我最喜欢的一部，我还记得我当时在想，如果她再多活十年或二十年，继续发展这条创作路径，会发生什么呢。但我不能再说下去了：你看，你这个小小的“坚果壳”里装了多少内容。而且把一个早已被精巧折叠过多次的题材重新折出一个新折痕是多么困难——我想用什么比喻来着？我太困了，想不出来；但我脑海里浮现出的是一个从前在针线盒里放着的小玩意儿：一个核桃，里面装着绿色的丝绸。

　•　1941年

致John Lehmann

短短两行字。这个时候的伍尔夫应该状态不太好了。但她还在工作。

I have gone through these MSS3 as far as I can. But my head is very stupid at the moment.

The only ones that are I think worth considering are: Mr Robinson’s poems; and Mr Urquart’s story. Both have distinct merit, I think; though both are border line cases.

致Vanessa Bell

3月20日那天，姐姐Vanessa给伍尔夫写了一封信，指出她现在的状态很危险，她太累了，她必须休息，不能再任其这样下去了。。。

于是，伍尔夫给姐姐写了一封类似于写给丈夫伦纳德的告别信：

Dearest,

You cant think how I loved your letter. But I feel that I have gone too far this time to come back again. I am certain now that I am going mad again. It is just as it was the first time, I am always hearing voices, and I know I shant get over it now.

All I want to say is that Leonard has been so astonishingly good, every day, always; I cant imagine that anyone could have done more for me than he has. We have been perfectly happy until the last few weeks, when this horror began. Will you assure him of this? I feel he has so much to do that he will go on, better without me, and you will help him.

I can hardly think clearly any more. If I could I would tell you what you and the children have meant to me. I think you know.

I have fought against it, but I cant any longer.

亲爱的：

你无法想象我有多么爱你的那封信。但是我觉得这次我已经走得太远，无法回头了。我现在非常确定自己又要疯了。这一切就像第一次那样，我总是听见声音，我知道这次我熬不过去了。

我只想说，伦纳德一直对我好得令人惊异——每天如此，一直如此；我无法想象还有谁能比他做得更多。在过去的日子里我们一直非常幸福，直到最近几周，这场可怕的病又开始了。你能不能向他确认这些话？我觉得他有太多的事情要做，没有我他反而会过得更好，而你会帮助他的。

我已经几乎无法清晰地思考了。如果我还能思考的话，我会告诉你，你和孩子们对我意味着什么。我想你是知道的。

我已经努力抵抗过了，但我实在撑不下去了。

弗吉尼亚

【让人泪目！我想到兰姆和姐姐手挽手，边走边哭，送姐姐去精神病院的情景，也是因为姐姐预感精神病要发作了。。。】