三段独白和两首“woman”的诗——纪念波伏瓦106诞辰

                
                
点进google才知道今天是波伏瓦106诞辰，想起去年办的《独白，波伏瓦》讲座，读的《第二性》和看的话剧云云，觉得也许应该有所纪念。那就用三段独白和两首诗向她致敬吧。
————————————————三段独白
讲座现场播放了一段视频，加字幕的时候有几段很喜欢，特录于此。
1
大家熟知的那个历史版本中，我的书获得巨大成功
但我也因此成为诽谤中伤的靶子
在法国，一个女人写作，就是向别人提供攻击自己的武器
尤其在我开始发表作品的年纪
我是一个女作家
女作家不是深居简出的写作者，她的整个生命都由写作支配
这种生活并不比其他生活逊色
它有自己的存在理由，有自己的秩序，有自己的目标
不理解它的人不应该妄下断论，以为女人从事写作很荒诞
无论如何，回顾我的过去
我从不羡慕别人
我从少年时代开始就不在乎别人的眼光
2
与其沉浸在童年的遗憾里，我宁愿规划未来
未来还很遥远，所以不会让我害怕
反而让我目眩神迷
今年夏天，和往常每个夏天不一样
我深深为未来所吸引
夏夜的微风轻抚炭画
也轻轻吹拂着我
我沉醉于时而轻盈时而急骤的微风之中
榛树的叶子发出低语
我听懂了它们的神谕
我在期待着未来的自己
整个世界光影斑驳
像一只亲近的动物一般睡在我脚下
明天有一个少女会死去
然后在我未来的荣耀中重生
我向这个少女微笑，我深信我会做到
3
做女人多么不幸啊
然而，做女人最大的不幸
说到底，是不了解这是一种不幸
有一个产生了秩序、光明和男人的好本原
和一个产生了混乱、黑暗和女人的坏本原
我开始以全新的眼光来观察女性
于是，在我眼前出现了
一个又一个令人惊叹的发现
到四十岁的时候，我发现了一个昭然若揭的事实
可大家都熟视无睹
对我的作品有一个普遍的误解
大家以为我否认男人和女人之间存在差别
事实恰恰相反，我写作时仔细衡量了两者之间的差别
我认为这种差别不是天生的
而是来自于社会的影响
                
                
恰好最近有两首关于女性的诗也给我很深的触动，放在这里。
————————————————第一首诗：For Every Woman
by Nancy R. Smith
For every woman who is tired of acting weak when she knows she is strong, there is a man who is tired of appearing strong when he feels vulnerable.
For every woman who is tired of acting dumb, there is a man who is burdened with the constant expectation of “knowing everything.”
For every woman who is tired of being called “an emotional female,” there is a man who is denied the right to weep and to be gentle.
For every woman who is called unfeminine when she competes, there is a man for whom competition is the only way to prove his masculinity.
For every woman who is tired of being a sex object, there is a man who must worry about his potency.
For every woman who feels “tied down” by her children, there is a man who is denied the full pleasures of shared parenthood.
For every woman who is denied meaningful employment or equal pay, there is a man who must bear full financial responsibility for another human being.
For every woman who was not taught the intricacies of an automobile, there is a man who was not taught the satisfactions of cooking.
For every woman who takes a step toward her own liberation, there is a man who finds the way to freedom has been made a little easier.
【只要有一个女人】
译者：黄长奇
只要有一个女人觉得自己坚强因而讨厌柔弱的伪装,
定有一个男人意识到自己也有脆弱的地方因而不愿意再伪装坚强。
只要有一个女人讨厌再扮演幼稚无知的小姑娘,
定有一个男人想摆脱"无所不晓"的高期望。
只要有一个女人讨厌"情绪化女人"的定型,
定有一个男人可以自由地哭泣和表现柔情。
只要有一个女人觉得自己为儿女所累,
定有一个男人没有享受为人之父的全部滋味。
只要有一个女人得不到有意义的工作和平等的薪金,
定有一个男人不得不担起对另一个人的全部责任。
只要有一个女人想弄懂汽车的构造而得不到帮助,
定有一个男人想享受烹调的乐趣却得不到满足。
只要有一个女人向自身的解放迈进一步，
定有一个男人发现自己也更接近自由之路。
————————————————第二首诗：SHRINKING WOMEN
BY Lily Myers
视频
                
                
Across from me at the kitchen table my mother smiles
Over red wine that she drinks out of a measuring glass.
She says she doesn’t deprive herself
But I’ve learned to find nuance in every wave of her fork
In every crinkle in her brow as she offers me the uneaten pieces on her plate
I realize that she only eats dinner when I suggest it.
I wonder what she does when I’m not there to do so.
Maybe this is why my house feels bigger each time I return.
It’s proportional: As she shrinks, the space around her feels increasingly vast.
She wanes while my father waxes.
His stomach has grown round with wine, late nights, oysters, poetry,
A new girlfriend who was overweight as a teenager but my dad reports now, “she’s crazy about fruit!”
It was the same with his parents: As my grandmother became frail and angular, her husband swelled, with big red cheeks, a rotund stomach, and I wonder if my lineage is one of women shrinking
Making space for the entrance of men into their lives
Not knowing how to fill it back up once they leave.
I have been taught accommodation.
My brother never thinks before he speaks.
I have been taught to filter.
“How can anyone have a relationship to food?” he asks, laughing, as I eat the black bean soup I chose for its lack of carbs.
I want to say, “We come from difference, Jonas, you have been taught to grow out, I have been taught to grow in.
You learned from our father how to emit, how to produce, to roll each thought off your tongue with confidence. You used to lose your voice every other week from shouting so much.
I learned to absorb. I took lessons from our mother in creating space around myself. I learned to read the knots in her forehead while the guys went out for oysters.
And I never meant to replicate her, but spend enough time sitting across from someone and you pick up their habits.”
That’s why women in my family have been shrinking for decades.
We all learned it from each other, the way each generation taught the next how to knit.
Weaving silence into the threads, which I can still feel as I walk through this ever-growing house.
My skin itching, picking up all the habits my mother has unwittingly dropped
Like bits of crumpled paper from her pocked on her countless trips from bedroom to kitchen to bedroom again
Nights I hear her creeping down to eat plain yoghurt in the dark.
A fugitive stealing calories to which she does not feel entitled
Deciding how many bites is too many
How much space she deserves to occupy.
Watching the struggle I either mimic or hate her and I don’t want to do either any more
But the burden of this house has followed me across the country.
I asked five questions in genetics class today, and all of them started with the word “Sorry”
I don’t know the capstone requirements for the sociology major because I spent the whole meeting deciding whether or not I could have another piece of pizza.
A circular obsession I never wanted, but inheritance is accidental
Still staring at me with wine-soaked lips from across the kitchen table.
我欣赏所有女性眼里的独立坚定，不管是波伏瓦、伍尔芙、Lily Myers还是我的老师，
无论是shrink抑或made shrinking，要觉察这种处境，并靠思想、勇气去改变。
从独白开始，从诗的力量开始，重新注视自己。