托福作文 Do you agree or disagree with the statement: people are more

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  WritersForMe 组长 楼主 2019-09-17 22:16:55

  Lin Qiu August 14, 2019 at 8:22 pm Score: 66.5 Suggestions for Improvement Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words; Shorten your essay to 320 words; Restrict each paragraph to 85 words. Problems Highlight Friendliness is a great personality that everyone cherishes. These days, there have been some debates on whether people in the past are [ grammatical ] more friendly than people today or not. In my point of view, people today are as friendly as the people in the past. For today’s students, they are friendly to both their acquaintances and strangers because they receive a better education which [ informal/ that] helps them to cultivate higher qualities. [Wordy]For their acquaintance [word form error ], they [ unclear pronoun ] are friendly to them [ unclear pronoun ], like their [ unclear pronoun ]classmates. When their classmates meet some problems in [article error ]study, they [unclear ]would be glad to help them [ unclear ]. For instance, if a student couldn’t figure out some difficult math problems, another [confusion/a ] top student may be willing to help him. The top student could teach him how to work out these problems step by step and help him to fully understand the formulas [spelling error ] which [ informal ]are used to deal with these math problems, and [ grammatical error/lack of a subject ] tell him how to use these formulas [ spelling ]in practical math problems. [Wordy]Besides, some top students even tutor other students in their free time where they [ unclear ]would help other students to get a better understanding of abstract definitions and conception and teach them [unclear ] how to deduce some complex formulas. [Wordy]Moreover, students are also friendly to strangers. For example, when strangers cannot [ grammatical error/are unable to ] find their way and ask students how to get to certain places, students are usually willing to help them and tell them how to get to certain places [ repetition]patiently. [Wordy]Some students would also lead the way for strangers. Therefore, students nowadays are as friendly as the people in the past. In addition, employees are also friendly, especially to their colleagues. Due to the fierce competition in today’s society, employees have to be friendly to their co-workers in order to cooperate better with them [ unclear] and to improve their [ unclear ]performance on work.[Wordy] Take salesperson as an example. They [ wrong pronoun/salesperson is one person]would share their [wrong pronoun ]resources with their [wrong pronoun ]colleagues, like some sales data which [ informal ]could help their [pronoun issue ] colleagues to better analyze the situation of [ article error ] market so as to develop proper sales schemes. [Wordy]Also, employees would share their experience with some new colleagues and teach [ lack of an object ]how to communicate effectively with customers, how to make sales strategies aimed at different customer groups, and how to promote their [ unclear pronoun ]products. [Wordy]All these behaviors indicate that employees today are also friendly. In conclusion, there is sufficient evidence to prove that people today are as friendly as the people in the past. Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision. Regards. Writing Tips Absolute Statement: Avoid using absolute statement. ARTICLE ERROR: errors concerning a, an, the. This is a prominent issue for Chinese students. Make sure to add/remove/change articles considering a specific context. BE VERBS: BE verbs are dull and vague. Use concrete verbs to replace BE verbs whenever needed. I.E. commercials are beneficial to children. – Commercials benefit children. COHERENCE: To improve the natural flow from one sentence to the other, make the subject of a sentence echo the subject, or the object, of the last sentence. COORDINATING CONJUNCTION error: In formal writing, a comma is needed when the 7 coordinating words (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so – FANBOYS) are connecting sentences/clauses. Effectiveness: use verbs instead of BE+adjectives to improve effectiveness. Grammatical Errors: grammatical mistakes. It + Be + Verb: Wordy. Logical confusion. Although a sentence is grammatically correct, often it is logically/factually confusing. Having written a sentence, ask yourself if the sentence is logically complete, and/or factually true. NOT problem. Experienced writers often avoid using NOT in English writing. I.e. Jack was very upset because he had not passed the GRE test. – I.e. Jack was very upset because he had failed the GRE test. PASSIVE VOICE: In many cases, clarity suffers when using passive voice. In particular linguistic contexts, using passive voice is fine. Semicolon: Use a semicolon in front of an adverb/adverbial phrase. Subjunctive: Memorize the grammatical rules for subjunctive mood. There Be Sentence: Wordy Unclear Pronouns: A pronoun (it, this, that, they, them., etc) unclearly refers to the prior content. For example, the first sentence contains two singular nouns, so IT in the second sentence can refer either of them. Unparalleled Structure: use paralleled structures, including tense. VERBOSE: The sentence/phrase can be simplified. WEAK VERBS: an alternative verb may help improve sentence effectiveness and clarity. The Internet makes us know many things. – The Internet helps us (to) know many things.

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  WritersForMe 组长 楼主 2019-09-17 22:17:08

  tdj23 University: Jilin University Nationality: China August 15, 2019 at 8:41 am Friendliness is a great personality that everyone cherishes. These days, there have been some debates on whether people in the past were more friendly than people today or not. In my point of view, people today are as friendly as the people in the past. For today’s students, they are friendly to both their acquaintances and strangers because they receive a better education that helps them to cultivate higher qualities. Students are friendly to their acquaintances, like classmates. When their classmates meet some problems in the study, they would be glad to help their classmates. For instance, if a student couldn’t figure out some difficult math problems, a top student may be willing to help him. The top student could teach him how to work out these problems step by step and help him to fully understand the formulae that are used to deal with these math problems. The top student could also tell him how to use these formulae in practical math problems. Some top students even tutor other students in their free time where these top students would help other students to get a better understanding of abstract definitions and conception and teach other students how to deduce some complex formulas. Students are also friendly to strangers. For example, when strangers are unable to find their way and ask students how to get to certain places, students are usually willing to help them and tell them how to get there patiently. Students would also lead the way for strangers. Therefore, students nowadays are as friendly as the people in the past. In addition, employees are also friendly, especially to their colleagues. Due to the fierce competition in today’s society, employees have to be friendly to their co-workers in order to cooperate better with their co-workers and to improve these co-worker’s performance on work. For instance, a salesperson would share his resources with his colleagues, like some sales data that could help his colleagues to better analyze the situation of the market so as to develop proper sales schemes. Employees would share their experience with some new colleagues and teach these colleagues how to communicate effectively with customers, how to make sales strategies aimed at different customer groups, and how to promote products. These behaviors indicate that employees today are also friendly. In conclusion, there is sufficient evidence to prove that people today are as friendly as the people in the past.

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  WritersForMe 组长 楼主 2019-09-17 22:17:21

  Lin Qiu August 16, 2019 at 9:50 pm Score: 65.2 Suggestions for Improvement Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words; Restrict each paragraph to 85 words; Shorten your essay to 320 words. Hi, I will not work on your essay until you resolve all the issues noted above. Writing Tips Absolute Statement: Avoid using absolute statement. ARTICLE ERROR: errors concerning a, an, the. This is a prominent issue for Chinese students. Make sure to add/remove/change articles considering a specific context. BE VERBS: BE verbs are dull and vague. Use concrete verbs to replace BE verbs whenever needed. I.E. commercials are beneficial to children. – Commercials benefit children. COHERENCE: To improve the natural flow from one sentence to the other, make the subject of a sentence echo the subject, or the object, of the last sentence. COORDINATING CONJUNCTION error: In formal writing, a comma is needed when the 7 coordinating words (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so – FANBOYS) are connecting sentences/clauses. Effectiveness: use verbs instead of BE+adjectives to improve effectiveness. Grammatical Errors: grammatical mistakes. It + Be + Verb: Wordy. Logical confusion. Although a sentence is grammatically correct, often it is logically/factually confusing. Having written a sentence, ask yourself if the sentence is logically complete, and/or factually true. NOT problem. Experienced writers often avoid using NOT in English writing. I.e. Jack was very upset because he had not passed the GRE test. – I.e. Jack was very upset because he had failed the GRE test. PASSIVE VOICE: In many cases, clarity suffers when using passive voice. In particular linguistic contexts, using passive voice is fine. Semicolon: Use a semicolon in front of an adverb/adverbial phrase. Subjunctive: Memorize the grammatical rules for subjunctive mood. There Be Sentence: Wordy Unclear Pronouns: A pronoun (it, this, that, they, them., etc) unclearly refers to the prior content. For example, the first sentence contains two singular nouns, so IT in the second sentence can refer either of them. Unparalleled Structure: use paralleled structures, including tense. VERBOSE: The sentence/phrase can be simplified. WEAK VERBS: an alternative verb may help improve sentence effectiveness and clarity. The Internet makes us know many things. – The Internet helps us (to) know many things.

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