新西兰，爱伦坡

August 28th

梦见在新西兰的公路上开车，在群山环抱之中，蔚蓝的天包裹着大地，而大地孕育我们，无声无言。爱滋养万物，长出棕灰色的山脉，河流，茵绿色的草木。万物有爱却不为束缚谁。我们还可以去任何地方。没有人会发现，没有人会阻止。我们不需要再为谁去活。

忽然一瞬间又到了山顶，他在我身边，一言不发。山谷下大湖寂静，天地存在于我们之前，消逝在我们之后。我轻轻地说，all my life, I’ve lived for this moment. 然后理所当然地跳下山谷，粉身碎骨。

Allan Poe在Imp of the perverse里写：

“With certain minds, under certain conditions, it becomes absolutely irresistible… (the) overwhelming tendency to do wrong for the wrong's sake… We stand upon the brink of a precipice. We peer into the abyss -- we grow sick and dizzy. Our first impulse is to shrink from the danger. Unaccountably we remain. By slow degrees our sickness and dizziness and horror become merged in a cloud of unnamable feeling. By gradations, still more imperceptible, this cloud assumes shape, as did the vapor from the bottle out of which arose the genius in the Arabian Nights. But out of this our cloud upon the precipice's edge, there grows into palpability, a shape, far more terrible than any genius or any demon of a tale, and yet it is but a thought, although a fearful one, and one which chills the very marrow of our bones with the fierceness of the delight of its horror. It is merely the idea of what would be our sensations during the sweeping precipitancy of a fall from such a height. And this fall -- this rushing annihilation -- for the very reason that it involves that one most ghastly and loathsome of all the most ghastly and loathsome images of death and suffering which have ever presented themselves to our imagination -- for this very cause do we now the most vividly desire it. And because our reason violently deters us from the brink, therefore do we the most impetuously approach it. There is no passion in nature so demoniacally impatient, as that of him who, shuddering upon the edge of a precipice, thus meditates a Plunge. To indulge, for a moment, in any attempt at thought, is to be inevitably lost; for reflection but urges us to forbear, and therefore it is, I say, that we cannot. If there be no friendly arm to check us, or if we fail in a sudden effort to prostrate ourselves backward from the abyss, we plunge, and are destroyed.”

人类生出的智慧对于生物繁衍来说也许是一种诅咒。在某一些节点上，我们除了死亡别无出路。死亡如此诱人，每个选择活着的人都是苦行僧。