大龄留德日记16：Don’t push your luck！

常在河边走，哪能不湿鞋！今天迎来大龄留学一年以来的至暗时刻：我挂科了！！！

一醒来就看到群里发来消息说IT的成绩到了，打开系统，赫然写着丑陋的（5.0）。虽然打本科入学就做好了挂科的心理准备，心想只要不被劝退就很满足，可能是前面的考试都太顺利了，让我有些飘飘然，看到5.0时内心还是崩溃的，不敢相信自己的眼睛。一直梦想着要保持0挂科的记录，结果第二学期就破功了。

IT和电路都只用了5天复习。IT整个学期都是不知所云，老师讲得好宏观，上网课的时候我是边做拉伸运动边听课，练习课也是落了好几节，从来没做过练习题。可以说是用了5天学整个学期的课。题目是50%C++50%理论的感觉，对于编程题我在复习的时候就几乎放弃了，题量那么大我打算只答力所能及的部分，随之把大部分精力都放在了能短时间准备的理论部分。向来不偏科，但是对于编程就是一直比较抵触。所以复习考试的时候也本末倒置，给不重要的只有“过”和“不过”的学科2周，而这门重要的计分的专业课只留了五天。就在IT考试前，老公还劝我说没有把握就ab了吧，来年再考，我还是怀着侥幸心理，抱着“万一过了呢”的心情去赴考，这不就立马打脸了。

这个挂科来得始料未及。IT考完心知成绩不会好，但是以为能过的，哪怕得个3点几，只要过了就不用再面对C++了，绩点可以之后靠别的学科。之前每天必查一遍成绩，查的时候都先看左边科目的名字，然后才敢缓缓看向右边。因为后面考的三门专业课：IT，电磁场和电路都没有底。所谓没有底，我的预期是IT和电磁场能过，但是成绩不好。电路有可能会挂，因为45页的题我只写了不到一半，如果正确率高加上bonus的分也许能过。这IT一挂，我更担心后面的两科了。自诩自己没有像别人一样延期考试，可是如果多考的几门都挂了，岂不是一样？而且还浪费了一次机会。第二次考试肯定会更紧张，因为再不过就要面临口试，口试再挂在全德国范围的任何大学都不能再学本专业了。

讲真，我从来没有感受到过被迫转专业的威胁。第一学期数电学得不扎实，题量也是很大，考完很难过，结果得了2.7 。线性电路呢，努力复习了，发挥得不好，犯了平时绝不允许的极低级的错误，以为得3.0以上了，没想到居然考在年级前列。而数学类的一直很顺利，保持在一点几的水平。这么多成功的经验让我有了一种侥幸心理：随随便便考考也能过的！那些不过的人是得有多不努力啊？咣当，自己也栽了~出来混总是要还的。

究其原因，我并不觉得题难，而是自己这学期太过于松懈了。C++一直拖着没有学，理论部分也是靠死记硬背，就这么似懂非懂地想浑水摸鱼，滥竽充数。这第一个挂科让我重新审视了自己不积极不认真的学习态度，警戒自己要时刻保持严阵以待的状态。在油管和豆瓣看到很多30+开始留学的人的经验分享，我发现他们大多是以过来人的身份做分享总结，看似轻轻松松，然而人家已经熬过了艰难困苦才如此从容，其中不知有多少次熬夜多少次咬牙坚持才得以守得云开见月明。真的要谨慎走每一步才能顺利完成学业啊。

老公看我心情低落，对我说，没有什么是不能解决的，也许你下次能得1.0呢！

啊啊啊啊啊啊，问题是我真的不喜欢编程呀！怎么会有人爱它爱得死去活来呢？比如家里的某人。刚刚我在写日记的时候，某人又来盯梢，看我是不是如保证的那样认真学C++，结果当然是并！没！有！

我看到著名励志演说家Les Brown的视频It’s possible.里的一段话，借以勉励自己。原文如下：

It’s hard. Easy is not an option. It’s hard living. Life is hard.

See, it’s hard when you are 49 years old and working on a job for 17 years, and they come in and tell you ‘you’re finished’ and give you one week’s severance pay.

And you have to start all over again. It’s hard when you are married and raising children and your children are crawling and your husband dies unexpectedly.

It’s hard handling just the tragedies of life. It’s hard when you’re working on something and you put everything you have in it and it doesn’t work out you lose your money and other people’s money. It’s hard.

It was rough when I lost my job and I could not find a job. It was humiliating and embarrassing borrowing money and then I couldn’t pay the money back when I told them I would. That’s rough. How people look at you, how they respond to you, it’s very hard. It’s humiliating.

Here’s what I discovered that happens to you in life that you will go through things and while you’re going through them, you can’t understand why it’s happening to you. But after you go through it you get back and you look at it and you say, ‘Oh, now I understand why I needed that lesson’. Have they ever happened to you?

Raise your hand. If they ever happened to you — that I couldn’t understand it then but after I got through it, then I saw that that was preparing me for bigger and better things. That as you go through the challenges of life and you look at it and embrace whatever comes to you, don’t run from it, step toward it. Don’t try and duck it like most people do.

See, most people want it easy. See, if easy come easy way, easy go. See, but when you go at what you’re going to deal with and you deal with the difficulties of it, when you handle those hard things close at hand making those hard decisions right now that you don’t want to make. Learning those things that you don’t like to do but you know that in order for you to get where you want to go, this is one of the hoops that you have to flip through.

And I’m saying to you whatever you got to do, do it because if you don’t, life is going to whoop you until you surrender. And say it’s okay, all right, all right, all right, all right, I cooperate. OK, I’ll learn, OK. It had wear me out a long time.

So if it’s hard then, do it hard. Now what are you — how do you hang in there doing the hard difficult times, Les? You must have faith. You’ve got to believe in yourself. You’ve got to believe in your abilities. You’ve got to believe in your service, your company, your ideas unquestionably.

You’ve got to have faith and that faith gives you patience. That it’s not going to happen as quickly as you want it to happen. A lot of things are going to happen that will catch you off guard. And so therefore you’ve got to deal with and handle it as it comes.

And not only that, but that faith and patience drives you into action. You’ve got to keep moving and keep plugging away.

In the Far East, they have something that’s called the Chinese bamboo tree. The Chinese bamboo tree takes five years to grow. And when they go through a process of growing it, they have to water and fertilize the ground where it is every day. And it doesn’t break through the ground until the fifth year, OK. But once it breaks through the ground within five weeks, it grows 90 feet tall.

Now the question is does it grow 90 feet tall in five weeks or five years? The answer is obvious: it grows 90 feet tall in five years, because at any time had that person stopped watering and nurturing and fertilizing that dream, that bamboo tree would have died in the ground. And I can see people coming out talking to a guy out there watering and fertilizing the ground that’s not showing anything: ‘Hey what you doing? You’ve been out here a long time, man! And the conversation in the neighborhood is: you’re growing a Chinese bamboo tree, is that right?’

‘Yeah, that’s right’.

You know, that’s how people are going to do to you. ‘So how long you’ve been working on this? How long have you been working on your dreams and you have nothing to show. This is all you got to show’. People are going to do that to you. And some people, ladies and gentlemen, they stop because they don’t see instant results.

It doesn’t happen quickly, they stop. Oh, no, no, no, you’ve got to keep on watering your dream and when it began to happen, they stopped laughing. They say, ‘Look, whoa, look here, it’s — look up, hey man, you know, huh I know you could do it. Look, you’ve got a job here’.

See, during those hard times we didn’t know how you’re going to make payroll, during those times when you failed and things didn’t work out they were nowhere to be found. But you know what I discovered? When you are working at your dream, somebody said the harder the battle the sweeter the victory. Always sweet to you. It’s good to you.

Why? See, when it’s hard and there’s a struggle, see what you become in the process is more important than the dream. That’s far more important. The kind of person you become, the character that you build, the courage that you develop, the faith that you’re manifesting, oh, it’s something that you get up in the morning, you look yourself in the mirror, you’re different kind of person, you walk with a different kind of spirit.

And people know that you know what life is, that you have embraced life. You know it was hard but you did it hard.

Now it takes us to the next level. If it’s hard, why do people do it? You ask people who do faith: why do they go it, people who climb mountains just for the sake of it, nobody paying or just do it, somebody said, ‘I’m going to run around the world’.

He said, ‘Whoa, why would somebody do that?’

‘I am going to swim the Atlantic channel; why?’ Why do people do that? I wondered why would Nelson Mandela give up 26 years of his life? Why do people do that?

Here is what I discovered in high school. High school, I decided I wanted to go out for football. Never forget this. And I discovered why people do things, do you know why ladies and gentlemen? Even though it’s hard, it’s worth it. It’s worth it.

看到另一个视频最后写道：

When you feel like quitting, think about why you started.

编程，来吧！不是你虐死我，就是我虐死你！