The Real Reason for Marriage -Prof. Jordan Peterson

稍微整理了下Jordan Peterson的关于婚姻的一段阐述：（ytb上看到的）

that's actually why people get married you know, because this is built into marital vows---I'm not leaving ever no matter what

it's like okay well that definitely puts a boundary around our arguments, right? because I can't say every time you manifest one of your flaws which you're likely to do just as often as me, well enough of this ---it's like that's horrible man, if your whole life is (well), every time you get out of line, I'm out of here-- it's like how the hell are you?

first of all, you're not going to admit to ever doing anything wrong. second, you’re like a scared cat in the entire relationship because who knows it could just come to an end at any moment? it's like if the possibility of divorce is open, it makes you free. like yeah that's what you want (you want to be free) --so you can't predict anything.

that's what you're after. it's a vow and it says: look I know that you're trouble me too, so we won't leave no matter what happens. That's a hell of a vow but that's why it's a vow. That's why you take it in front of a bunch of people. That's why it's supposed to be a sacred act.

it's like what's the alternative what's the alternative?

everything is mutable and changeable at any moment. well go ahead you live or you live your life like that and see what you're like when you're 50-- Jesus it's dismal! two or three divorces. your family's fragmented. you've got no continuity of narrative. it's not good for the kids, not by any stretch of the imagination and so it's a form of voluntary enslavement I suppose, but it's also equivalent to the adoption of a responsibility and there's more to it than that.

if you can't run away, then you can solve your problems because it might be okay well, I'm stuck with you so how about we fix things

because the alternative is we're going to be in a boxing match for the next 40 years--that's the alternative!

so and you think you're going to fix problems without something like that hanging over your head. there isn't a chance you'll just avoid them because that's what people do. it's really hard to solve problems especiallyin a relationship we're having a fight and I find out the you know because you're you are abused by your uncle when you were five or some goddamn thing you know, it's like it's very frequent that that sort of thinghappens. your partner's manifesting some weird anomalous behavior, you just can't make heads or tails of it. it doesn't seem related to what you're doing at all! they don't want to talk about it and so as soon as you bring it up, they get mad. then you bring it up again, they even get madder and they tell you that you're not going to talk about that or they're going to leave and so maybe you're really really persistent because you're kind of a son of a bitch and then they break down and cry. Then they have this horrible memory that comes flooding forward that's completely. you don't know what to do with it and then you have to sort it out so you think you're going to do that unless there's a good reason.

you have to know, we better start this out we're going to be carrying it around for the next forty years. that maybe is enough motivation so you'll actually try hard to solve a problem. it's a lot easier to say well, sorry we're not going there but then good you'll have it every day every day every goddamn day for the rest of yourlife.

see there's some additional problems with divorce that people don't really grasp when they're young. like the idea that you can be divorced once you have children that's kind of a stupid idea because you can't. you can find a limited substitute for your initial freedom, but if you have kids and you try to get divorced, the probability that that's going to demolish your life is very very high

first of all it's incredibly expensive. so one or both of you is going to come out of that poor and your market value has declined.

let's say you're the woman who takes the kids your market value has declined radically you're going to be poorer. the man is just as screwed because he is now an indentured servant and there's no escape from it

so it's not so bad if you can negotiate a peaceful separation and some people can but lots of times if you have a terrible relationship, it's not like negotiating a peaceful separation is all that easy.

but if you're at each other's throats, good luck to you--I think it's roughly equivalent to having non-fatalcancer! it is not pleasant! it's a 10-year process, 15 year process will cost you two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. and it'll tear a big chunk out of your life and

also it will really disrupt your relationship with your kids and you know you bring kids into a stepparentfamily, they do not do as well. Stepparents are not as good parents as biological parents and the data on that is clear. now obviously there are exceptions because there are terrible biological parents and there arewonderful stepparents, but if you look in aggregate, it's not that easy to care for children. you need everything you can binding you to them, and

if there's someone else's children, mostly they get in the way of the person that you love. let's say you have a child I'll be right out. let's say you have a child and I want to go out with you. every second you spend with that child is the second you don't spend with me and there's going to be a price for that, I'm not going to be happy about that and if I have a child, you're going to feel exactly the same way. you might say no, I love children, it's like yeah yeah sure sure you do. I doubt it, you might love your child and and you know it's prettyspecific the way that people love children and the rate of abuse for kids in stepparent families is way higher than it is in biological families there's not even any comparison.