幸運的苦惱

Why do you want to shut out of your life any uneasiness, any misery, any depression, since after all you don't know what work these conditions are doing inside you? Why do you want to persecute yourself with the question of where all this is coming from and where it is going? Since you know, after all, that you are in the midst of transitions and you wished for nothing so much as to change. If there is anything unhealthy in your reactions, just bear in mind that sickness is the means by which an organism frees itself from what is alien; so one must simply help it to be sick, to have its whole sickness and to break out with it, since that is the way it gets better.

― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

我一直沒有活得開心過，人們使我苦惱。他們的愛使我苦惱，他們的不愛、同樣使我苦惱。世界使我苦惱，它的善使我苦惱，它的惡毒、更加使我消極. 'Don't be disheartened! ' 我會一直把這句話記在心裡，它啟示我：一個經歷與克服了苦惱的人沒有因為嫉妒而將苦惱的天然合法性強加在正承受者身上。

幻覺和偏見是一回事，存在-不存在的溝壑、即是A或是B的區分。苦惱的最終的安慰就是它本身的不安感：填平溝壑的欲求和校正有偏見的規定，除了苦惱以外沒有任何感情能夠完成：喜悅使人陷入絕緣的陶醉里、自卑則使自我尊嚴瓦解、只有苦惱是被壓迫的背脊發出的沉吟，preoccupation。有時我也臨時地羨慕沒有苦惱的人，他們單純而善良，卻無法與我溝通。因為苦惱從來不是純粹個人經驗的，它連接著世界的潛能的那一面、常常不容易使人看見。

苦惱給了我一個幸運的出路，賦予了我教師的準則。苦惱幫助人從形形色色的世界塵埃中找到真理的沙粒，唯一永恆的東西——正是真正的哲學家應該追求的。