A trip
I don't know what this train would lead me to but I've been on this trip for such a long time that I only know that I can just follow my gut to do whatever left to my own devices.
I know it's like a progress. As he said we don't know what a shit life is we're already better off than many others.
Sometimes I really wish I don't need to learn through many failures and have to get through all this shit feeling and stuff.
And at this moment, this shared but isolated common place...you think about all the good and all the bad that have happened in the past two weeks.
And in the following weeks...
A new city. A new place. I just want to jump onto this train that takes me to nowhere. I'm just going to a short term trip and I'll be back in London in two days.
And when I am back, will I be the same? Will I be devastated, traumatised, dazed?
I feel like I'm trapped in a trick. Being lured to pursue something that I won't have. Chasing after a dream that will not even be dreamt of.
I don't know where I am going, but I have to go. I tell myself, well, it's a chance, it's better than nothing.
But is "getting a chance" really better than getting nothing? Why is it so important to keep trying? Why?
I feel like I'm led by those people who told me that everything will be fine, Imogen. You'll get something.
Whilst they spent three years to learn and fall and learn and fall and achieve.
"Achieve" is a dangerous word--up to now I still don't know what it means. Why should I realise something that seems already being put up there? "What" did and will I achieve?
All these questions which I don't know about the answers, or too tired to think about an answer. I still need to go on this trip. I have to. And I have to do it well.
I don't know where am I going and what leads me there...I don't know why am I still contacting him and planning something that highly likely will not exist. I don't know why. I'm clinging on a little hope, or believe, or just a habit. I'm clinging on it. I'm stubborn enough that I don't want to let go of it even it's very dangerous now. There or here.
I feel that I'm on a great escape. Let's do it for the sake of doing it. Let's get rock and roll.
I know it's like a progress. As he said we don't know what a shit life is we're already better off than many others.
Sometimes I really wish I don't need to learn through many failures and have to get through all this shit feeling and stuff.
And at this moment, this shared but isolated common place...you think about all the good and all the bad that have happened in the past two weeks.
And in the following weeks...
A new city. A new place. I just want to jump onto this train that takes me to nowhere. I'm just going to a short term trip and I'll be back in London in two days.
And when I am back, will I be the same? Will I be devastated, traumatised, dazed?
I feel like I'm trapped in a trick. Being lured to pursue something that I won't have. Chasing after a dream that will not even be dreamt of.
I don't know where I am going, but I have to go. I tell myself, well, it's a chance, it's better than nothing.
But is "getting a chance" really better than getting nothing? Why is it so important to keep trying? Why?
I feel like I'm led by those people who told me that everything will be fine, Imogen. You'll get something.
Whilst they spent three years to learn and fall and learn and fall and achieve.
"Achieve" is a dangerous word--up to now I still don't know what it means. Why should I realise something that seems already being put up there? "What" did and will I achieve?
All these questions which I don't know about the answers, or too tired to think about an answer. I still need to go on this trip. I have to. And I have to do it well.
I don't know where am I going and what leads me there...I don't know why am I still contacting him and planning something that highly likely will not exist. I don't know why. I'm clinging on a little hope, or believe, or just a habit. I'm clinging on it. I'm stubborn enough that I don't want to let go of it even it's very dangerous now. There or here.
I feel that I'm on a great escape. Let's do it for the sake of doing it. Let's get rock and roll.
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