（069）2015/3/12：家长该怎样用手机和子女沟通
Leaves译 2015/3/12 原文来源：纽约时报
Poor communication is a common complaint when it comes to parents and teenagers. What happens when you throw a cellphone into the mix?
父母和十多岁的孩子经常抱怨彼此缺乏沟通。在这种情况下，再加上手机这个元素，那会发生什么？
At least 75 percent of American teenagers today have a cellphone, often purchased by their parents so they can stay in closer touch. And parents are more likely than other adults to have a cellphone, for the same reason.
现在，至少有75%的美国青少年拥有手机，通常是父母给他们买的，以便和孩子保持密切联系。相比没有孩子的成年人，为人父母者拥有手机的概率也比较大，原因同上。
“The phone is now a huge part of parenting. It’s how you reach your kids,” said Amanda Lenhart, a senior research specialist with the Pew Research Center Internet and American Life project. In a survey conducted in the summer of 2009, nearly 70 percent of teenagers said they talked on the phone with their parents at least once a day.
“皮尤研究中心网络与美国生活”项目资深研究专家阿曼达•兰哈特说：“现在，手机成为了子女教育的很大一个组成部分，它关系到你怎么联系到你的孩子。”在2009年夏天开展的一项调查中，近70%的青少年称自己每天在手机上和父母通话至少一次。
Now researchers are starting to zero in on how cellphone use affects the dynamic of the parent-child relationship. A paper published online on Monday in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking suggests that both the nature of the calls and who initiates the calls may affect relations.
现在，研究人员开始重点研究使用手机对亲子关系活力的影响。《网路心理学，行为与社会网络》杂志期刊周一在线发表的一篇论文提出，通话的性质以及是哪一方拨打电话都可能影响到亲子关系。
Robert S. Weisskirch, a professor of human development at California State University in Monterey Bay, asked 196 parent-teenager pairs to tell him how frequently they made different types of calls. The teenagers were asked about 18 different types of situations or circumstances in which they might call parents and to rank them from “never” to “often.”
加利福尼亚州立大学蒙特利湾分校人类发展学教授罗伯特•S•维斯科奇询问了196对家长和孩子之间不同类型通话的频率。他列出了18种孩子可能会给父母打电话的不同情景或环境，频率从“从不打”到“经常打”不等，请孩子们选择。
The calls fell into two basic categories: “ask and confer” calls, in which teenagers checked in with their parents to ask permission or tell a parent they would be late; and “social support” calls, made when they were upset, wanted advice or wanted to tell a parent they were happy and share some good news.
这些电话种类归结为两大基本类型：“请求和商榷”电话，孩子通过这种电话与父母联络，请求获得批准或者告诉对方自己要晚回家；以及“社交支援”电话，当孩子不开心、想要获得建议或者想要告诉父母自己很快乐并且要分享某些好消息时，他们会向父母打出这种电话。
Parents were asked how often they called their children to monitor their whereabouts, track their schoolwork, check in with them and get an update — or express anger or dissatisfaction with something the teenager did.
而家长要回答的问题是多久给孩子打一次电话来监视他们的下落、掌握他们的课业动向、联络并获知最新情况，或者因孩子的所作所为表达愤怒或不满。
Parents and teenagers also filled out questionnaires about their relationship, how close they were, how much conflict there was and how well they communicated.
家长和孩子还填写了调查问卷，内容是他们的关系、亲密度、冲突程度以及沟通情况。
What Dr. Weisskirch found wasn’t altogether surprising. When teenagers called parents frequently to “ask and confer,” it was better for their relationship, and they were more likely to characterize their parents as supportive and say they were close and communicated well. Parents were gratified by the calls, too; such calls seemed to boost their self-esteem.
维斯科奇博士的发现完全不出所料。频频拨打“请求和商榷”电话的孩子和父母的关系更好，更可能认为父母能给予自己帮助，并且称和父母很亲近，有良好的沟通。家长同样对接到电话很满意。这种电话看上去大大增强了他们的自尊心。
“What I found generally was that when adolescents are initiating the communication and are seeking out social support and guidance from their parents, then almost across the board they tend to have better reports of getting along with their parents,” Dr. Weisskirch said.
维斯科奇博士说：“我发现总体情况是这样的：如果孩子主动打电话与父母沟通，寻求社交支援和指引，那么整体而言他们会倾向于表示和父母相处得比较愉快。
On the other hand, when parents were initiating calls frequently to monitor their children’s whereabouts, track their homework or tell them they were upset, there was more conflict in the relationship, and the teenagers tended to have lower self-esteem. “When the parents call and have a lot of communication around ‘what are you doing?’ or ‘who are you with?’ or when they’re angry at the child and upset or scared, the kids report more conflict in the family,” he said.
相反，如果家长频频打电话给孩子监视下落，追查功课或者告诉孩子自己很生气，那么这种亲子关系中就会有更多冲突，孩子的自尊心通常也比较低低下。他说：“如果家长打来电话，交流中频频出现‘你在干嘛？’或者‘你和谁在一起？’这样的问题，或者生孩子的气，心烦或者担忧，那么孩子就会表示家庭中有比较多的冲突。”
Ultimately, the phone is just a tool that may augment the relationship but doesn’t substitute for it, he said. Still, he said, the phone may help during the transitional time of adolescence, when children are flexing their independence but tend to need guidance making decisions. “The phone has the potential to enhance parenting by giving parents an opportunity to provide guidance, even though they’re not face to face, and help their kids learn how to make good decisions,” he said.
他说，手机归根结底只是一种工具，对亲子关系可以起强化作用，但不能取而代之。不过他还表示，在青春期的过渡阶段，手机可能会有所帮助。这段时期孩子的独立性变强，但往往在做决定的时候需要家长提出指引。他说：“手机有强化子女教育的潜力，它使家长有机会为孩子提供指引，即使他们并不是面对面的谈话。同时家长还能利用手机帮助孩子学会如何做出明智的决定。”
But the phone can also increase tension, Ms. Lenhart said. “What this is making clear is that frequent calls from parents can be negative, that parents who are anxious and worried and constantly calling their child to monitor and ask about schoolwork or argue and try to discipline them — when you try to do the negative parts of parenting over the phone, it doesn’t work particularly well.”
但兰哈特博士表示，手机同样可能加剧紧张情绪。“这清晰地说明了一点：父母频频打电话给孩子具有负面效果。焦虑、担忧的家长不停给孩子打电话监视他们，问他们功课情况，或者同他们争执，试图约束他们。这样教育子女有负面作用，而你在手机上这么做的时候，效果就尤其差。”
Setting clear parameters for phone use from the outset may prevent conflict and mitigate misunderstandings, Dr. Weisskirch said. It is probably a good idea, for example, for parents to be very clear about what their expectations are about how often the teenager must make contact, he said, and to establish that not answering a parent’s call is not an option.
维斯科奇博士说，用手机沟通时一开始就设定好明确的参照，这样可以防止双方发生冲突，并减少误解。他举例说，有一个办法可能很有效：家长要向孩子讲明，自己希望对方多久必须打电话过来，并且要规定好不能不接父母的电话。”
“The adolescent needs to know what’s expected of them, and how they’re supposed to use this technology that has crept into our lives,” he said.
他说：“青春期的孩子需要知道家长对他们的希望是什么。同时，随着手机进入了我们的生活，他们需要知道家长认为他们应该如何使用这项技术。”
Poor communication is a common complaint when it comes to parents and teenagers. What happens when you throw a cellphone into the mix?
父母和十多岁的孩子经常抱怨彼此缺乏沟通。在这种情况下，再加上手机这个元素，那会发生什么？
At least 75 percent of American teenagers today have a cellphone, often purchased by their parents so they can stay in closer touch. And parents are more likely than other adults to have a cellphone, for the same reason.
现在，至少有75%的美国青少年拥有手机，通常是父母给他们买的，以便和孩子保持密切联系。相比没有孩子的成年人，为人父母者拥有手机的概率也比较大，原因同上。
“The phone is now a huge part of parenting. It’s how you reach your kids,” said Amanda Lenhart, a senior research specialist with the Pew Research Center Internet and American Life project. In a survey conducted in the summer of 2009, nearly 70 percent of teenagers said they talked on the phone with their parents at least once a day.
“皮尤研究中心网络与美国生活”项目资深研究专家阿曼达•兰哈特说：“现在，手机成为了子女教育的很大一个组成部分，它关系到你怎么联系到你的孩子。”在2009年夏天开展的一项调查中，近70%的青少年称自己每天在手机上和父母通话至少一次。
Now researchers are starting to zero in on how cellphone use affects the dynamic of the parent-child relationship. A paper published online on Monday in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking suggests that both the nature of the calls and who initiates the calls may affect relations.
现在，研究人员开始重点研究使用手机对亲子关系活力的影响。《网路心理学，行为与社会网络》杂志期刊周一在线发表的一篇论文提出，通话的性质以及是哪一方拨打电话都可能影响到亲子关系。
Robert S. Weisskirch, a professor of human development at California State University in Monterey Bay, asked 196 parent-teenager pairs to tell him how frequently they made different types of calls. The teenagers were asked about 18 different types of situations or circumstances in which they might call parents and to rank them from “never” to “often.”
加利福尼亚州立大学蒙特利湾分校人类发展学教授罗伯特•S•维斯科奇询问了196对家长和孩子之间不同类型通话的频率。他列出了18种孩子可能会给父母打电话的不同情景或环境，频率从“从不打”到“经常打”不等，请孩子们选择。
The calls fell into two basic categories: “ask and confer” calls, in which teenagers checked in with their parents to ask permission or tell a parent they would be late; and “social support” calls, made when they were upset, wanted advice or wanted to tell a parent they were happy and share some good news.
这些电话种类归结为两大基本类型：“请求和商榷”电话，孩子通过这种电话与父母联络，请求获得批准或者告诉对方自己要晚回家；以及“社交支援”电话，当孩子不开心、想要获得建议或者想要告诉父母自己很快乐并且要分享某些好消息时，他们会向父母打出这种电话。
Parents were asked how often they called their children to monitor their whereabouts, track their schoolwork, check in with them and get an update — or express anger or dissatisfaction with something the teenager did.
而家长要回答的问题是多久给孩子打一次电话来监视他们的下落、掌握他们的课业动向、联络并获知最新情况，或者因孩子的所作所为表达愤怒或不满。
Parents and teenagers also filled out questionnaires about their relationship, how close they were, how much conflict there was and how well they communicated.
家长和孩子还填写了调查问卷，内容是他们的关系、亲密度、冲突程度以及沟通情况。
What Dr. Weisskirch found wasn’t altogether surprising. When teenagers called parents frequently to “ask and confer,” it was better for their relationship, and they were more likely to characterize their parents as supportive and say they were close and communicated well. Parents were gratified by the calls, too; such calls seemed to boost their self-esteem.
维斯科奇博士的发现完全不出所料。频频拨打“请求和商榷”电话的孩子和父母的关系更好，更可能认为父母能给予自己帮助，并且称和父母很亲近，有良好的沟通。家长同样对接到电话很满意。这种电话看上去大大增强了他们的自尊心。
“What I found generally was that when adolescents are initiating the communication and are seeking out social support and guidance from their parents, then almost across the board they tend to have better reports of getting along with their parents,” Dr. Weisskirch said.
维斯科奇博士说：“我发现总体情况是这样的：如果孩子主动打电话与父母沟通，寻求社交支援和指引，那么整体而言他们会倾向于表示和父母相处得比较愉快。
On the other hand, when parents were initiating calls frequently to monitor their children’s whereabouts, track their homework or tell them they were upset, there was more conflict in the relationship, and the teenagers tended to have lower self-esteem. “When the parents call and have a lot of communication around ‘what are you doing?’ or ‘who are you with?’ or when they’re angry at the child and upset or scared, the kids report more conflict in the family,” he said.
相反，如果家长频频打电话给孩子监视下落，追查功课或者告诉孩子自己很生气，那么这种亲子关系中就会有更多冲突，孩子的自尊心通常也比较低低下。他说：“如果家长打来电话，交流中频频出现‘你在干嘛？’或者‘你和谁在一起？’这样的问题，或者生孩子的气，心烦或者担忧，那么孩子就会表示家庭中有比较多的冲突。”
Ultimately, the phone is just a tool that may augment the relationship but doesn’t substitute for it, he said. Still, he said, the phone may help during the transitional time of adolescence, when children are flexing their independence but tend to need guidance making decisions. “The phone has the potential to enhance parenting by giving parents an opportunity to provide guidance, even though they’re not face to face, and help their kids learn how to make good decisions,” he said.
他说，手机归根结底只是一种工具，对亲子关系可以起强化作用，但不能取而代之。不过他还表示，在青春期的过渡阶段，手机可能会有所帮助。这段时期孩子的独立性变强，但往往在做决定的时候需要家长提出指引。他说：“手机有强化子女教育的潜力，它使家长有机会为孩子提供指引，即使他们并不是面对面的谈话。同时家长还能利用手机帮助孩子学会如何做出明智的决定。”
But the phone can also increase tension, Ms. Lenhart said. “What this is making clear is that frequent calls from parents can be negative, that parents who are anxious and worried and constantly calling their child to monitor and ask about schoolwork or argue and try to discipline them — when you try to do the negative parts of parenting over the phone, it doesn’t work particularly well.”
但兰哈特博士表示，手机同样可能加剧紧张情绪。“这清晰地说明了一点：父母频频打电话给孩子具有负面效果。焦虑、担忧的家长不停给孩子打电话监视他们，问他们功课情况，或者同他们争执，试图约束他们。这样教育子女有负面作用，而你在手机上这么做的时候，效果就尤其差。”
Setting clear parameters for phone use from the outset may prevent conflict and mitigate misunderstandings, Dr. Weisskirch said. It is probably a good idea, for example, for parents to be very clear about what their expectations are about how often the teenager must make contact, he said, and to establish that not answering a parent’s call is not an option.
维斯科奇博士说，用手机沟通时一开始就设定好明确的参照，这样可以防止双方发生冲突，并减少误解。他举例说，有一个办法可能很有效：家长要向孩子讲明，自己希望对方多久必须打电话过来，并且要规定好不能不接父母的电话。”
“The adolescent needs to know what’s expected of them, and how they’re supposed to use this technology that has crept into our lives,” he said.
他说：“青春期的孩子需要知道家长对他们的希望是什么。同时，随着手机进入了我们的生活，他们需要知道家长认为他们应该如何使用这项技术。”
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