[Gossip]Liam Gallagher's 50 funniest quotes by NME

                
                
原地址：http://www.nme.com/photos/liam-gallagher-s-50-funniest-quotes/149335/1/1
NME精选Liam搞笑语录，牛津高阶英语粗口必备，本人无力翻译，请各位自重...
On the Glastonbury 'spirit': “I fucking hate Glastonbury, mate. I’m
only here for the money.” (NME, July 2004).
On his brother's sense of style: "Noel's got an old man vibe going on,
our kid. Big woolly jumpers and cardigans... Terry Wogan, Val Doonican
shit." (NME, August 2009).
On the Scissor Sisters: "Bright colours and fucking weirdos on stilts?
I'm more entertaining than that shit." (NME, 2005).
On his morning regime: “I’m up at 6am, me. I’ve got an alarm call
and everything. It’s like being in the fookin’ army.” (NME, 2008)
On his emotions: “I suppose I do get sad, but not for too long. I just
look in the mirror and go, ‘What a good-looking fuck you are.’”
(NME, November 2006).
On Franz Ferinand: "You look at [Alex Kapranos] and the singer from
Right Said Fred. It's the same person! he's just gone on the Atkins
diet and grown his hair." (NME, 2005).
On Green Day's Billie Joe Armstrong: "Fuck right off. I'm not having
him. I just don't like his head." (NME. August 2009).
On La Roux: "No way, mate. She's got man hands." (NME, August 2009).
On describing bandmates in three words: “Alan White… oh, I can’t do
it. I can’t be arsed.” (NME, July 2002).
On pointy shoes: “You know them shoes that just come out at you like a
fucking snooker cue?! It’s like, ‘Leave it out, man! You got a
license for them bastards or what?'” (NME, March 2009).
On Noel: "I'd do time for him. I love him. Me and him are cool. If
anyone stepped on his toes, I'd cut them off." (Melody Maker, 1995).
On Coldplay: "Chris Martin looks like a geography teacher. What's all
that with writing messages about Free Trade? If he wants to write
things down I'll give him a pen and a pad of paper. Bunch of students."
(NME, 2006).
On his ego: “There’s Elvis and me. I couldn’t say which of the two
is best.” (NME, November 2006).
On going out to gigs: “Fuck that. What’s the point? The bands are all
shit, aren’t they? Go out to socialise and have some student stand on
your fucking shoes?” (NME, 2008).
On the Blur reunion: "I'm right into it, [because] it'll finish off the
Kaiser Chiefs and put them to bed. There's nothing worse than a shit
Blur." (The Sun, 2008).
On being a sex symbol: “I'm into the girls fancying me, mad for it.
Get a bit worried if boys started fancying me. I've got nothing against
gays - as long as they don't pinch me on the bum or whatever." (The
Sun, 2005).
On Pete Doherty and Tom Chaplin: “Posh boys can't take drugs, man,
they're lightweights. They have one little line, and they're in rehab".
(The Observer, November 2006).
On conquering America: “Americans want grungy people stabbing
themselves in the head onstage. They get a bright bunch like us, with
deodorant on, they don’t get it.” (NME, November 2006).
On his stage demeanour: "I refuse to dance. And I can't dance anyway.
I'm not in a band for that." (NME, 1994).
On cutting the crap: "It's about the music and that's it. I'm not an
entertainer. But I do entertain people, see what I mean?" (NME, October
2007).
On Robbie Williams: “He's a fucking drama queen. You make a crap album
then want everyone to feel sorry for you. Tosser!” (MTV, February
2007).
About taking on Blur: “We said it from Day One, we were the ones who
were real, man. We’re just honest, man, and we’re not a bunch of
women.” (NME, September 02).
On Bloc Party: "They remind me of a band off University Challenge. Like
they’re sitting on a panel." (NME, July 2005).
On what the public thinks of him: “Loudmouth blagging gobshite from
Manchester…and they’d be totally correct.” (The Times, August 2008).
On debauched on-the-road antics: “In Caracas, top gig. Sat in me room
in silence as my TV doesn't work. Not allowed to leave the hotel for
fear of being tickled to death.” (Metro, May 2009).
On singing: “I’m a better singer than him [Noel]. I’m the man, man.
” (NME, December 2008)
On falling out with Noel: "We had a ding-dong in the airport and I
think he started crying then - that was it - doesn't travel with me [on
tour] any more." (NME, August 2009)
On hardcore aftershow parties: “I need to just sit down and relax and
think about things. Then by the time I’m getting ready to go, people
are falling over and they’ve all got their kecks round their ankles”.
(NME, September 2008).
On Keith Richards and George Harrison: “They're jealous and senile and
not getting enough fucking meat pies.” (The Sun, October 1997).
On getting vitamin injections: “Here you go, eat your heart out Pete
Doherty, you crackhead! That whinger!” (NME, October 2007).
On the Oasis live experience: "You've seen one of our gigs, you've seen
'em all." (The Times, 2007).
On the paparazzi: "It's good people living on your doorstep and looking
through your bins. Gives me a kick up the arse. Otherwise I'd just sit
around getting fat." (The Guardian, 2006).
On celebrity mates: "Our kid hangs around with all these strange people
with long hair - Russell Brand sorts - and that's just not my cup of tea."
On Victoria Beckham’s literary aspirations: “She can't even chew gum
and walk in a straight line, let alone write a book.” (NME, September 2001).
Spreading the love for Amy and Pete: “I don’t give a fuck about her,
I don’t give a fuck about the other dick and I don’t give a fuck
about any of ‘em.” (NME, September 2008).
On setting a good example: "I don't go out and get wasted. I've got
kids and they're getting to that age when they're like, 'How come you
get to lie in bed all day and I've got to go to school?'" (NME, March 2009).
On being a softie at heart: “I am a tender, beautiful and loving guy
that happens to slap a photographer now and then because they get in my
way.” (Sky.com, July 2005).
On Jack White: “The White Stripes? Fooking rubbish. School ties? At
the age of 24? Fooking hell.” (NME, July 2002)
On who he’d like to hang: “I’d like to fooking hang Robbie Williams
onstage. What’s he done to me this time? Nothing. He’s just somebody
I’d like to hang.” (NME, July 2002).
On Pete Doherty (again): "What does the word Libertine mean? Freedom!
He's in the corner doing smack with a helmet on his head. There's
nothing free about that. It's nasty." (NME, 2005).
On ambition: "If I wasn't a musician I don't know. I'd be God, maybe?
That would be a good job." (The Sun, 2005).
On religion: "I guide myself. If I bump into walls, I bump into walls.
I'm like a little bumper car, I keep bumping into questions and answers
and it's a top buzz, man." (The Times, 2002).
On getting banned from The Groucho Club: "Gazza was at the bar, using
that old joke: 'D'you want a 'Roll With It'? D'you want a roll with
your soup? So I squirted him with a fire extinguisher." (NME, March 2009).
On Coldplay and Radiohead: “I don't hate them, I don't wish they had
accidents. I think their fans are boring and ugly and don't look like
they're having a good time.” (The Guardian, August 2008).
On the Beatles Vs God: “It's got to be being in the Beatles. When was
the last time God made a decent record?” (Rolling Stone, October 2008).
On Ozzy Osbourne: “How come everyone thinks he’s great? He’s a bit
of a fooking mong, if you ask me.” (NME, July 02).
On modelling his own fashion collection: “No fucking chance!” (Metro, March 2009).
On running over Noel: “Bastard! That taxi missed! If I was driving I
would have fucking had you, man.” (NME, October 2007).
Threatening The Enemy’s Tom Clarke before they went to tour together:
“Do you want to go on first or what, you little fucker?” (Clash, May 2009).
On Noel swapping personalities with Spongebob Squarepants: “I’d ask
him for his autograph and a kiss and cuddle.” (NME, December 2006).