当比利怀尔德遇上马克斯兄弟

 
                
                
当舞男导演遇上无政府小丑
一桩影史憾事就此铸成
倒不是两方天才大失水准
而是
这事儿压根没成
时间是50年代末，Wilder在纽约拍《The Apartment》，人就呆在联合国大厦旁，亲见了冷战氛围下的大楼喧嚣
某天Billy醍醐灌顶，问编剧拍档I.A.L. Diamond，“找马克斯兄弟来联合国拍部片肯定很赞吧？”
既然是拍档，Diamond当然识相
然后亲爱的Groucho也觉得这点子很赞，让Wilder去跟他弟——那位没一起拍片却做了经纪人的Gummo细谈
Gummo也觉得这事儿能成
Wilder和Diamond就回头把点子写成了四十页的treatment
片名？马克斯得很，《A Day At The United Nations》
本子里Groucho是个兄弟帮头儿，他估摸着全纽约警察都忙当联合国保镖去了，正好能趁机打劫把蒂芬妮的早餐
Chico是团伙里的“肌肉”
Harpo是开锁“专家”——有场戏会告诉大家：他连个沙丁鱼罐头都开不了
退休已久的Zeppo也将重出江湖
利用纽约下水道，兄弟们从蒂芬妮顺利偷到四箱宝石，准备搭蒸汽船逃巴西去
很不巧，哥几个到了码头发现有场反gong游行正上演
更不巧，哥几个被警察误当成拉脱维亚驻UN代表，警车开道送到使馆，逃跑计划就此泡汤
片子到了高潮，Harpo在联合国大会上一言不发演起经典段子：吹号角、追女仔样样不少，一帮同传在旁忙着各语种“翻译”
1960年11月，片方对外发布公告，项目正式上马：
"We want to make a satire on the conditions of the world today, a satire on the deterioration of diplomatic behavior, on brinksmanship, wild jokes about the H-bomb, that type of stuff. It's all so dramatic that a few jokes put over by the Marx Bros. should alleviate the tension. We might have the Marx Bros. mixing up all the flags with, say, Nasser coming in under the Star of David. Mad fun like that. We will keep the same Marx Bros. technique of playing against a very serious background. We'll try to keep it all - the dignity of the locale, the procedure, the enormity of the problem - with Groucho, Harpo, and Chico in the middle of it. It's fun and it involves the world as a whole. It will be understood universally, therefore it's worth a film. Making a film is like gambling with the chips getting more expensive every day. That way you can't afford too big a gamble. So we've got the UN and we've got the Marx Bros. Put them together, and - boom!"
正在这当口，自然规律坏了事
要知道，Chico、Harpo、Groucho们都已上了七十
Harpo为某个电视特辑排演时心脏病发作，拍电影没人愿意为他投保
没过多久，Chico干脆一命呜呼，这个天才碰天才们组合就此流产
Wilder后来在访谈录中如此说：
“我们想到用联合国做背景拍部马克斯兄弟电影。他们是某gong和国四使节。这设计肯定赞，马克斯兄弟遇上庄严浮华背景最能发挥了。他们在《A Night at the Opera》里如鱼得水，因为歌剧就是个浮华的东西。他们在《A Day at the Races》里也很棒。但其他的就不怎么灵了，因为没啥好东西嘲弄。我想拍部马克斯兄弟电影，接着Chico就死了，Harpo也很不妙。但Groucho是个天才，绝对是个美妙的，妙人儿。片子本已和米高梅谈妥了，他们还准备安排至少六个60年代初大明星联合出演。Zeppo是男一号。他演主角一直很棒，绝对无与伦比。看看《A Night at the Opera》，观众不会失望。（Irving) Thalberg聪明得很，因为他把它当正剧拍。”