FML上抽两段低俗搞笑的

Today, I had severe diarrhea while at a shopping center. I barely made it to the bathroom, and exploded as I was in the process of sitting down. It splashed onto the wall and the back of the toilet. After cleaning the wall and rejoining my wife, she let me know I had shit up my back. FML
Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML