dirty talks
hello
i am going to write you a little note
(no, i'm not calling it a poem. )
i have to tell you everything about my uneventful Christmas, New Year and birthday alone
the candlelight
the ready-to-serve mulled wine
and also quite proudly, the city i am staring at now, at my doorstep
the shy red tulips i took home yesterday
surprised me with a full, beautiful blossom at midnight
the things i experience but can not share
(yes. i finally get your feelings and questions now. yet the moment has long passed to show empathy or to answer you. did i take advantage of your loneliness back then? or perhaps the other way round?) /
also,
the pain that aches deeply since the previous March
the dreams making my night restless, wide awake
the people i met that constantly remind me of you, the one i met this afternoon
the proper goodbye
yes, THE proper goodbye between us, the one i staged thousands of times at my illusory theatre, the one you'd never see, the one that we replaced with several crappy exchanges at the end, one of which turned out to be our final farewell.
(i guess we still handle things badly at the same time and probably, all the f time) /
the proper goodbye
i won't let you know you were cruel to me
but i do have an apology to make
especially at this breezy, alcohol-soaked night /
the person i am on my way to becoming now
the person i have always been
the person you almost saw through, however miraculously
the person you did not appreciate /
i should wrap this up now
as it starts to sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself
which i prob shouldn't /
because
oh such city nights
oh such city lights
such unbearable freedom
and such good wine.
