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What every man should know about women.

by Teal Swan

If you fill a room with men and women and you asked the question: have you ever feared for your life? what you’ll notice is that “a few” of the men’s hands will go up. each one of the these men has a story about an isolated incident. what happens also, is that every single hand of every women in that audience will go up in the air.

and if you ask a question “how many of you feared for your life in the last year?” Most of the mean’s hand will go down. And again, all the hands of the women stay up.if you ask the question: How many of you have feared for your safety in your life in the last month? Again…all of the women’s hands stay up. And the same thing happens if you ask: How many of you feared for your life in the last week? All of the hands stay up. And this exercise usually shocks the hell out of men.

Because this is the one thing that men do not understand about women. And if they did understand this about women, the way they’d behave around them would dramatically change.

Fear, plays a role differently in the life of men and women. The experience of simply crossing a parking lot is a completely different physiological experience for a female, than a male. for A woman in a high stressed situation will fall completely into fear. why? because most women perceive themselves to be powerless, actually within the world. And so, as a result, they slip further and further and further into terror; and they feel they can’t do anything about it. You just got to face it, the world is not a safe place for women. Just look at the statistics.

And the reality is, most men simply can not relate to this perception of being constantly unsafe, physically and emotionally. Because they can’t relate to this and don’t even know this, is the perceptional experience for women, they do not understand how to behave around women. And by not seeing this, make tons of mistakes. They do not understand this baseline experience of fear that women live with every single day is the biggest determining factor for what women really want in relationships.

The most important thing for women in a relationship, is trustworthiness. A capacity to trust somebody is a women’s definition, subconscious or conscious, of safety. Basically, trustworthiness is a woman’s insurance policy against this fear that she is constantly feeling. And this is actually the single biggest motivator for women to even enter into relationships to begin with.

It is that feeling of safety. A woman wants to be protected by a man. But she has to be protected first and foremost from HIM. To trust someone is to be able to relay upon them to capitalise on your best interests. That is the simplest definition of trust. So if someone is trustworthy, it means, they are the kind of person who you CAN rely upon to capitalise on your best interest.

But here’s the most important thing to realise about that: To be able to capitalise on someone’s best interest, you have to have a very firm grip on what those interest actually are. For this reason, the only way to develop trustworthiness is to develop attunement.

Attunement is being or bringing into harmony. A feeling of being at one with something. The best way to imagine attunement is to imagine sitting in your car and reaching out for the radio diat. If you want to hear the music being played at a specific frequency like 98.2 FM you need to tune your radio dial to 98.2 FM and then you will hear the music. Your own radio dial needs to be brought into harmony with or become one with the radio channel that you want to receive, in order to perceive that radio channel.

In order to be able to perceive other people, which is to attune to them, you have to be able see into the, feel into them, hear them, and come to completely understand them. Basically you need to attune to them. You need to tune into them, as if you are them, so as to be able to feel or imagine the other person’s emotional experience, and to understand what they are feeling. This is what allows you to know what to say to someone, and do, in any given situation with that person.

Unless you are attuned to a woman , you will have no idea what is actually in her best interests.You may think you do. This is a game a lot of men play. “Oh I know what ’s best for her”; But you actually don't.

The single most important thing that men need to understand, if they want to have a relationship with a woman, is that they have to learn attunement, and they have to learn how to develop trust, so that a women sees him as trustworthy. A man is capable of doing that, literally has the key to any woman’s heart.

Now here’s what men do, not having the same perceptional experience of fear that women have; Often, they minimise women’s emotions, dismiss them, distract her from them, invalidate them and worse, make a woman feel that she is crazy or that something’s wrong with her, because she feels this way. in other words, men behave as if women shouldn’t feel that way, because they don’t feel this way.

By behaving this way, you signal to a woman that you are unsafe. you increase her fear by signalling to her that you do not see, hear, feel and understand her, that you will NOT be there for her, that you do not value her well bing, that you will not take care of her, or protect her, and that you can’t be relayed upon, and to make her feel WORSE about herself.

This dynamic of men not making women’s need for safety, the single biggest priority in their relationship has vast implication. If you are an emotionally unavailable man, YOU CAN NOT create safety for the women that you’re with. Why? you are not there for her, so you’re not trustworthy. Also it will end in a woman feeling alone in her relationship. Alone to a human, and even more so a woman=unsafe. You will be signalling a woman (by being emotionally unavailable) that you are unsafe and it is an absolute guarantee that this relationship will end.

Bravery is not weakness. Bravery implies fear. It can’t be bravery unless there is fear present. Bravery is something that all woman are. Why? Because we are living in a constant state of fear, and living despite of that fear. As a man, you have got to accept this reality of fear as a baseline of a woman’s experience.

What every women needs to know about men.

by Teal Swan

A man does not want to be needed and wanted and valued for what he isn’t, any more than you do.

When women are often describing that the men in their lives are calling them needy for things that they want their men to fulfil in life, what’s actually happening here is that woman is REFUSING to look at incompatibility. In other words, when women experience resistance from their male partners when they state their needs, they’re experiencing this because they’re not selecting compatible partners.

All men are different. A woman is a family oriented woman would not be happy if she bought herself a sports car. She needs a minivan. When incompatibility exists, what a woman usually does is completely ignore this fact and instead slide down the slippery slope into constant criticism. What women are thinking when they’re doing this, is that criticising a man is going to get them to change, from a sports car into a minivan.

If the energy you give off or the things you say run along the lines of: “I got it, because I’m an independent woman”, there is an impenetrable wall around you in your life. There is no role for him to fill. This is not inviting. Men will gravitate away from this, and the only man who will feel like getting anywhere near you are gonna fall into two categories. The 1st category is men who are really traumatised relative to mommy. These types of men see how independent and in control and how you don’t need anything from him, and they love it. Your spouse will be a child as well.

The 2nd category of men is men who also experienced trauma in their lives, that caused them to love the sensation of the power of taming a wild horse. These men are highly dangerous, because they’re gonna love the challenge of subduing you. They’re gonna look at one of these independent freedom fighter type of women and say: “ All right, I’m gonna beat her into submission.” I’m gonna do it mentally, emotionally, physically, or all three.

Criticism, Nagging and Manipulation. when it comes to men, you have to be incredibly careful of these three things. What men hear if they’re chronically criticised is: “You’re a failure at the role I need you to fulfill in my life.” Women have been trained to not be straightforward and this really backfired on you in relationships with men. They need to know specifically what you want instead of what they are doing. Not just get the message that they’re doing something wrong. And remember, if you are constantly criticising the man in your life you may not pay attention into incompatibility. Manipulation, anyone who feels forced to do something is ultimately gonna end up hating you. That’s just how it’s gonna work.

If you want a healthy relationship with a man, you would do well to actually make sure that whoever you’re with is compatible to you, in that who he is and the things he naturally does actually do fulfil a very important role and purpose in your life and a much needed one. From there, you would do well to think, act and speak as if this is the case.