不等戈多

二零二零年,二十多年 世界如此瞬息万变,今年发生了许多许多事情

我在家的两个月，经历过失眠，睡相后移，经期巨疼到晕去，专八几乎做不出来做不完美

教师编制的失之交臂 考研的惊愕 MPS

一切过去，原来我可以那么勇敢坚强地面对这一切

原来我一点都不怕 我可以我有能力与他们共生

我允许我不是985 不是211

我可能拿着两千块钱的工资 想着这个月要怎么度过才会余下钱

但我不怕

我明白

我知道自己的未来是也要成为一名人民教师，在平凡中散发光芒的人

历经失败但仍要站起来创造胜利 创造成功

能够用我的力量解决一些不公平的问题

我想改变却不去行动，那仍不会有任何的变动

同时 照顾好我的家人，不求能够提供他们香车宝马 但 保证一日三餐 平平安安 有进步有成长

我尽管在做事情，但有些时候的意志软弱，不愿意接受自己喜欢的东西里仍然有一些东西

我明白喜欢的东西，如果害怕去付出，那就仍然不会得到

当然有得必有失，经历那么多失败沮丧，原来运动是多么重要的事情，有时候合理表达也是好的事情

做事情 要圆滑一点毕竟这个是一个合作的世界。

四年，几乎每日会在江边散步，累的时候爬上弯弯曲曲的山岭，去操场跑步，去图书馆看书。然后就是学习学习学习，希望有一天我能考上研究生，之后能过上安安稳稳的生活，一切都是美好的

但学了马哲大法，我就知道每一个阶段都有它的主要矛盾，要学习毛主席的气魄，牢骚太旺防肠断，风物长宜放眼量，懂得身体是最重要的，允许悲痛，化解悲痛，总的来说前途仍然是光明的

我一直在等，感觉自己就像戈多里面的人，快要受不了了。人有事要回忆回忆，记得Nathaniel Branden 说过的一句话 no one is coming. you need to be respondible for your life

i need to set the time fixed. take flexibility and interaction into consideration

know i need to learn , learning is an arduous but rewarding process but you need not be too eager to sacrifice your health, physically and psychologically.

have a relax. just as taoism, a wheel is hollow at its core, so that it can run far awa. so bear this in your mind

but i feel some kind of empty， i don't know what it exactly is.

It have lasted for about three years. i have read some psychologist books and courses, but i still don't know.

maybe it have lasted longer beyond my imagination. the feeling is a life-long feeling. a feeling need to be accepted.

well i don;t know

sometimes i am trying to escape the feeling. i stuff many things as m as possible just for forgetting it. but when i go to bed, every and each effort seems to be in vain

uh...

i surf on the Internet for some excitement, just another tryinng to satisfy the feeling. but it doesn't help at all all all!.

what it is exactly?

maybe it is unsatisfacory life outcome, suffer from loneliness because they are not sincere enough not perfect enough and current inability to be excellent in handeling a language or still not smart enough

i feel a lot of things to remember and less time to cope with them, kind of stress out,

so maybe it is a feeling of being common or too ordinary or loser

maybe this feeling happens naturally from time to time in a day

maybe seeing someone become winners, i think i should replace them, for i am the better one!

the frustration, i know, the current thing is frustration about my competence although i have been studying so hard, although i have learned thousands of books about how to learn, about logic.

maybe need reflection and practice, but we need to know frustraion comes with your life along. and ends till you pass away.

accept it, although you make tons of work. the work itself would be a successful reward

to be frank, i am very evious of/ about? those students in the top language learning uiniersity. i am envious of those who go to my dream school, so that they can be senior high school teachers maybe primary school would be a better choice. i know you like experience different things, so try before you evaluate it.

it is good know that aviod difficulty in your life in every task you meet is not tantamount to simplification, is not the same as say goodbye to stress and never feel sorrow, painful, frustration, depression.

THE difficulty need to solve and i have tried out and invent many methods to make my life happier, more efficient. so even if you feel like attempting the impossible, be calm, stick to what you believe, communicate with the novice?/ professional people.

again: plan action refection// communication though sometimes in low quality sport diary helping people// embrace the dynamic