golden days - feb 2020
It snowed a bit around noon today, a magical leap day miracle. It snowed at the end of February. // 2.29.2020
We played it a million times in the car. A - LA - FOLIE, we all sang it, even though none of us speaks French. But we all sang it, syllable by syllable, and our tongues danced. On the drive back from Brooklyn, I saw rainbows of colors and felt wheels of emotions.
I kept saying I should give him more time, to which they responded "you should give yourself more time."
i knelt down and prayed for the first time today, the unadulterated happiness weighed too heavy so i spread them across. I prayed for the people I love and people who love me to be free from suffering and pain, and I prayed for the universe to give everyone at least one chance to be as happy as I am today. // 2.17.2020
I started a playlist called Jo, it reads "what if you can't wait to go somewhere, do something, or see someone? you run." so I ran- chasing after romance. The same day i learned that all lovers feel like they're inventing something. "She didn't make a lover's choice, but a poet's." // 2.21.2020
I looked at each one of my scars over my body, examine them, treasure them, pity them. Injuries at my shoulder, my wrist, my knee and my ankles- might be i hopped too fast, might be I hold too long. i feel grateful and honored to suddenly realize how hard all those scars have to recover just to preserve my body- the shell that contains my disrupted heart and delusional soul, how hard they have to try everyday so I can keep making the same mistake to skip and to hop again. For a second, I feel as if I can't contain my body, just as I can't contain the people I love. My body seems to be a separated object that life granted me, the weight of it, sinks deep to the bottom of my heels. I hold in my body a collection of scars, today, I'm leaning on it, breathing into it.
The day I injured my right shoulder again in yoga. // 2.22.2020
I finally got Daniel's playlist today- filled with Bon Iver, Rhye, Bonobo and James Blake. And songs like this one: Flying. I didn't hug him, i wish I did. // 2.23.2020
I was sitting on the couch with 🐨 and i played this Korean song called Honey Tea. "I like it" he said. "I want to start a playlist in 2020", i told him, "a song every day, to record things that happened." He smiled "you should do it." I created the playlist right after we parted and sent him the song to thank him for starting it with me- felt like my 2020 was born on the couch that day. He is gone now, but at least I still have those songs. That was such a good Sunday. "I'm never eating sushi again" // 1.5.2020
