你一生中最尴尬的时刻发生了什么?

What is the most embarrassing moment of your life?

It was the 7th grade. My teacher would only allow people to go to the bathroom based on a sign up sheet that she kept at her desk. Like most boys, I didn't plan on the urgency of my need to pee until I felt the pressure of Hoover Dam on my bladder.

那是七年级。我的老师只允许人们在她桌上的签到表上签到，才可以去厕所。和大多数男孩一样，直到我感觉到了胡佛水坝压在我膀胱上的压力，我才意识到小便的紧迫性。

I went to her desk to sign up for a hall pass; there where 5 kids in front of me. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! (I didn't say that out loud, but I thought it!) It'll be okay, I thought. I just have to practice taking my mind off of the urgency of my bladder and allow distraction to take my mind off of peeing. For 15 minutes, it worked pretty well.

我走到她的办公桌前登记大厅通行证;我前面有5个孩子。操! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !(我没有大声说出来，但我想到了!)没事的，我想。我只需要练习把我的注意力从尿急的膀胱上移开，让分心把我的注意力从小便上移开。在15分钟内，它表现得很好。

However, minute 16 came, and my bladder rang the alarm like a faulty fire alarm. It was equal parts unbearable and unavoidable! The pain and pressure was so great that I could barely walk or form complete sentences.

然而，第16分钟到了，我的膀胱像火警一样响了起来。这既是无法忍受的，又是不可避免的!疼痛和压力是如此之大，以至于我几乎不能走路或说出完整的句子。

I return to my teacher's desk:

我回到老师的讲台上:

Me: Mrs. (I forgot now), can I PULLLEASE go to the restroom? It's an emergency!!!!

我:夫人(我现在忘了)，我可以上洗手间吗?这是一个紧急情况! ! ! !

Mrs. What's her face: You can go as soon as (random kid with hall pass) returns. If it was that important, you should have signed up earlier in the day.

她是什么脸:他一回来就可以走了(随便哪个拿着通行证的小孩)。如果有那么重要的事，你应该早点签到。

Me: FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! (I didn't say it, this time, either) but that little bastard had been gone for 15 minutes now.

我:操! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !(这次我也没说)但是那个小混蛋已经离开15分钟了。

As a side note, the reason teachers had hall passes was to cut down on this type of behavior, because kids would use their individual bathroom breaks the way inmates used recreational time; it might be the only few minutes they get of freedom that day. They had to mitigate any real shenanigans by only allowing students to go to the restroom one at a time, so I can appreciate the administrative foresight in this strategy.

顺便说一句，老师们之所以有通行证，是为了减少这类行为，因为孩子们会像犯人一样利用自己的休息时间;这可能是他们那天仅有的几分钟自由时间。他们必须减少任何真正的恶作剧，每次只允许学生去一个厕所，所以我可以理解这种策略的行政远见。

Meanwhile, I'm about to bust like a can of biscuits, and I have NEVER felt this kind of pain/pressure before. It's so bad, that I couldn't even return to my seat. I made a U-turn to the teacher's desk doing the "Pee Dance" so she'd know this is not a drill.

与此同时，我几乎要崩溃了，我从来没有感到过这种痛苦和压力。太糟糕了，我甚至不能回到我的座位上。我在老师的桌子前做了个180度转弯，做了个“尿尿舞”，这样她就知道这不是演习。

On my final attempt, she just lets me go. "Finally!!!!!" I thought, and was tap dancing my way down the hall. The distance from the classroom to the hall was no more than 50 meters, but I didn't make it more than 20 before the dam just burst. Urine exploded down my pants and I couldn't run, walk, or move.

在我最后一次尝试时，她让我走了。“终于! ! ! ! !”我边想边在大厅里跳着踢踏舞。从教室到礼堂的距离不超过50米，但我没走多远，大坝就崩了。尿在我的裤子里爆炸了，我不能跑，不能走，也不能移动。

I felt an interesting mix of emotions, yet, in chronological sequence. It felt like the orgasmic ecstasy of finally getting release in waves, followed by an overwhelming sense of shock and horror at when and how this happened.

我感到一种有趣的混合情感，然而，按时间顺序。这感觉就像高潮的狂喜终于得到释放的波浪，随之而来的是一种压倒性的震惊和恐惧的感觉，这是什么时候，如何发生了这一切。

My pants had a thick, dark, damp trail from my zipper all the way to my ankle. I tried to triage my pants by hurrying to the bathroom and using a combination of paper towels and the air dryer to conceal the evidence. No luck.

我的裤子从拉链一直拖到脚踝，有一条又厚又黑又潮的痕迹。我赶紧跑到卫生间，用纸巾和吹风机来掩盖证据，试图对我的裤子进行整理。然并卵。

I looked at my watch and realized that I was also taking more than 15 minutes myself, but there was no way in hell I was going to walk back into that class with a interstate lane of piss running down my leg.

我看了看表，意识到我自己也花了超过15分钟的时间，但我绝对不可能在我腿上还有尿的时候回到教室。

So I bolted past the class and straight into the principal's office, called my mom and told her I was sick and that I needed to call my mom to pick me up. When I got my mom on the phone, I told her what had happened, and she was in the car before she hung up the phone.

于是我冲过教室，直奔校长办公室，打电话给我妈妈，告诉她我病了，我需要打电话给妈妈来接我。当我打电话给我妈妈时，我告诉了她发生了什么事，在她挂断电话之前，她正在车里。

Mom picked me up and got me home within 35 minutes. Because class was still in session, I thought I was in the clear, until my mom got a call from my teacher apologizing profusely for not allowing me to get to the restroom sooner. She and the rest of my classmates realized what happened when they walked out of class and saw this 50 meter long piss trail and no sign of me.

妈妈开车来接我，不到35分钟就把我送回家了。因为课还在上，我以为我是清白的，直到我妈妈接到老师的电话，为不让我早点去洗手间而不停地道歉。她和我的其他同学意识到发生了什么，当他们走出教室，看到这条50米长的尿路。

It took a long time before I lived that down.

我花了很长时间才适应。