Anxiety Attack

I felt really anxious.

I felt really anxious about what is happening. It is like if I don't change or if I don't work on improving myself or if I just sit there and rot in the house I would be abandoned.

It is like I am fault ful for being my mother, it is like I am at fault for not wanting a job or wanting to study but just to chill at home and be a housewife and be loved.

I am not my mother. I am no longer her. I can be loved when I work, and I can be loved whatever I chooses to do, I should be loved this way or that way, but I would need to confront my fears and work in the relationship because working in a relationship rings bells to proving my worth and prone to attention seeking and brings me all of these worries I am not a part of the society and I am a giant baby that would never have had survived on my own.

-------

I need to work on things my own pace, even if that means losing someone I love

Because not loving myself is the worst form of self destruction and self hate, I could have ever mustered up

---------