December 3 Developing Healthy Tolerance

Many of us are skilled at denying and discounting what hurts us. We may endure a particular situation, telling ourselves repeatedly it’s not that bad; we shouldn’t be so demanding; it’ll change any day; we should be able to live with it; it doesn’t annoy us; the other person didn’t really mean it; it doesn’t hurt; maybe it’s just us.

We may fight and argue with ourselves about the reality and validity of our pain—our right to feel it and do something about it. Often we will tolerate too much or so much that we become furious and refuse to tolerate any more.

We can learn to develop healthy tolerance.

We do that by setting healthy boundaries and trusting ourselves to own our power with people. We can lessen our pain and suffering by validating and paying attention to ourselves. We can work at shortening the time between identifying a need to set a boundary, and taking clear, direct action.

We aren’t crazy. Some behaviors really do bug us. Some behaviors really are inappropriate, annoying, hurtful, or abusive.

We don’t have to feel guilty about taking care of ourselves once we identify a boundary that needs to be set. Look at the experience as an experiment in owning our power, in establishing new, healthy boundaries and limits for ourselves.

We don’t have to feel guilty or apologize or explain ourselves after we’ve set a boundary. We can learn to accept the awkwardness and discomfort of setting boundaries with people. We can establish our rights to have these limits. We can give the other person room to have and explore his or her feelings; we can give ourselves room to have our feelings—as we struggle to own our power and create good, working relationships.

Once we can trust our ability to take care of ourselves, we will develop healthy reasonable tolerance of others.

God, help me begin striving for healthy boundaries and healthy tolerance for myself and others.

12月3日 培养健康的忍耐

我们许多人都善于否认和忽视那些伤害我们的东西。在一些特殊的情况下，我们觉的可以承受，然后不断地告诉自己情况并没有那么糟糕，自己不应该这么苛求，它还是有随时改变的可能，我们应该去接受，它不会成为我们的困扰，别人并不是故意的，它并没有什么伤害，也许只是自己庸人自扰而已。

我们可能感受到自己跟自己争论那些痛苦的真实性和有效性——也就是我们有感受痛苦并采取行动的权利。往往因为我们忍受了太多太多的东西，以至于我们忍无可忍，爆发了愤怒。

我们可以学着去培养健康的忍耐。

我们要做到这一点，就要设定健康的界线，并相信自己拥有与人相处的能力。我们可以通过确认和关注自己的方式来减少痛苦和困难，也需要努力缩短确定需要划分界线和采取明确而直接的行动之间的时间。

我们并不是疯子，有些行为确实会困扰我们，也有些行为确实是不合适的，令人讨厌的，伤害，侮辱人的。

一旦设定了的界线，我们不必为照顾自己而感到内疚。可以把这样的经历看作是一次把握自己力量的体验，为自己所确立全新的、健康的界线和限制。

在设定界线之后，我们不必对自己内疚、道歉或解释。我们可以学着去接受与人划清界线而带来的尴尬和不适。我们可以确立自己拥有这些限制的权利，也可以给对方空间去拥有和探索他或她们自己的感受。当我们努力把握自己的力量并创造良好的运作关系时，我们就可以为自己留出空间去感受。

一旦我们相信自己拥有照顾自己的能力，我们就可以培养健康的忍耐别人的能力。

神啊，请帮助我开始为自己和他人争取得到健康的界限和。