我们的爱情故事
Not but a few minutes later, I heard a knock on the door. OMG OMG OMG OMG she’s here, I thought, but I just walked slowly to the door, and called, “稍等” I looked out the peephole, and there she was. I cracked the door open to let her in, while I hid behind the door, still smoking my cigarette. She walked in, and stopped after a step or two, cocked her head, and sniffed, as if in disapproval of the smoke smell. She continued to walk in, and I followed her, nervously. She looked back at the door, so I looked back at the door, and noticed that it wasn’t shut all the way, it had only shut to a crack. I sped back over to the door, shut it closed, and locked the deadbolt. I then mozied my way back to the table and chairs in which she was seated. I sat across from her, slouched in my chair, and finished my cigarette.
I don’t know why she had come, but I didn’t care. She was there, with me, within four walls, behind a closed door, and she didn’t seem upset or scared or anxious, she just sat, and said, “我来了只是为了跟你说，我不会再见你”
She had just finished eating dinner with her husband, and told him she was going to go browse the supermarket for a little bit, and that was her getaway to come see me. It didn’t matter what she said, or how many times she said that she wouldn’t meet me again, we both knew in our hearts that that wasn’t true.
It’s hard to explain what we know, about this feeling. She says that she’s made up her mind, that she doesn’t want to see me anymore, that she just wants to be faithful to her girlfriend, and live a stable, peaceful life with her husband and girlfriend as they have in the past. She says she doesn’t feel anything for me anymore, and just wants Us to be a story of the past. But, the heart is a completely different creature than the mind. We agree to not see each other again, and say our goodbyes, then we meet again and our eyes shine and our hearts catch on fire and we can’t resist each other… and she knows that. And that is why she REALLY wants to not see me again, because she doesn’t want to feel that way, to have that passion and that temptation to do something she shouldn’t do, like cheat on her girlfriend, again.
So she sat there and told me all the things I’ve done wrong, all my personality flaws, all the reasons why she will never choose me, and that’s when the big fight came out- money. All along, every time I asked her why she wouldn’t be with me, every time she replied, “我想要的，你给不了” And every time I asked her what she wants, she replied, “稳定的生活，房，车，对生活的态度” So when she was sitting in the chair across from me under the yellow lights in the hotel room that night, and things got heated as she told me all the reasons she will never choose me, I blurted out, “你只care钱！” And that was the start of the big fight.
She said that nobody had ever said that about her before, and it feels like shit, and she started to get red faced and raised her voice, and as she was getting worked up, I got out of my chair while continuing eye contact, and slowly walked around the small table that sat between us. I put my hands on the arms of the chair in which she sat, still holding eye contact, and climbed onto her lap, ever so slowly. First, my left knee, sat between the arm of the chair and the side of her thigh, then my right knee on the other side. I slowly sat to let all my weight rest on her lap, and at the same time, my thumbs brushed down her earlobes and I brushed my two hands lightly down her neck, and let my hands rest on the base of her neck, fingers crossed. I could feel the energy running through her body. I could feel her feeling me as I touched every inch of skin. I could feel that she had missed me just as much as I had missed her, and the the chemistry between us was about to create a fire in the armchair we sat in.
Even through the intense passion her body was releasing, at this point she was still yelling about how all I think about is money, and as I inched toward her to kiss her head, she dodged it, and said “你要干嘛” I said, “我要爱你” She said, “坐对面去” and pointed her finder to the chair across the table. I said no, and pulled her head in tightly and forcefully to my chest. She resisted for a second, and then let herself fall into me. Her breath was staggered, quick, and broken. Her hands slid around my waist, slipped up inside my shirt, and she clenched my fleshy skin on my love handles. Everything was so tight, my arms around her head, my flesh in her grip, our breaths, and then all of a sudden, we both relaxed, and fell into each other. That’s when we knew. This is NOT the last time. We sat there like that for what seemed like a short version of forever, I kissed her head, her face, her neck, and longed to kiss her lips, but I knew that she, under no circumstances, would let that happen. But there I was, straddling her, her hands in my shirt on my skin, my hands cradling her head, kissing her hairline. It wasn’t enough. I wanted to be sure. I wanted to be sure that everything I was feeling about our connection and our relationship and our love was as I imagined it to be. If only she would kiss me, that is the only proof that I need to know that this wasn’t all in my head. That is the only proof I need to know that this love I have been longing for for so long was real. a kiss. If she could give me a kiss, she could give me the world. If she could give me a kiss, we wouldn’t be over, we would never be over. If after what I had done on September 25th hadn’t ruined our love forever, then nothing could. Sometimes we need this terrible thing to happen in our relationship to know that it can survive no matter what. Sometimes there needs to be a little bit of betrayal, and a little bit of forgiveness to make a love stronger. I have never thought this before.
I had always taken the good route, the safe route. It’s better to not talk than to fight, I would think. And that is how I had lived my life to this point. I would ghost away from situations instead of talking about how I feel or what I want, or how I would like things to be. But September 25th was different. I was pushed and pushed, and I exploded with a burst of the very hurtful truth. I was relieved that I let it out, but I was broken inside as soon as I realized what I had done, and how it would hurt Her. But I did it. I let the truth out, and that was the ultimate betrayal.
I’ve never hurt anyone so badly in my life, never as badly as I had hurt Her. Yet, there we were, in a hotel in her hometown, me on her lap clasping us in a passionate embrace, giving her pecks around her hairline and forehead and neck, and all I could think of was kissing her, and her kissing me. Would she let me? After the hurt that I had caused her, why would she ever kiss me? But I went for it, and she accepted. The two of us nearly cried it was so intense the moment that my lips touched hers. It wasn’t sweet or gentle for any longer than a fraction of a second, for as my lips touched hers, her grip on my flesh became so tight, the pinching of my skin almost hurt, her hips adjusted in the chair as she raised them toward me, and she just sucked and bit at my bottom lip like she had lost all control. We kissed for as long as we could, we kissed until we wanted more. We kissed until she said she needed to go- but I couldn’t let her go.
