船长日记（伍）

Here we are, Captain, three months after your 26th birthday.

This September is meant to be special.

I...

Never in my life have I encountered such intensive racism and I thought I'd seen everything.

I'd call my black friends and synchronize my new racism with theirs.

Look, I'm Asian and I perfectly know the feeling of getting looks on the street or rather harmless racist jokes from friends/strangers at the bars when a little alcohol is in the way. Or a lot of alcohol - in the club - then it's a different story which involves sexism. Lots and lots of grabbing let's put it like that.

But to be seated in a classroom with people who do not know their privileges; where your voice simply does not count as valid. When it's "us vs. them" - oh you are done with your Eastern point of view for five miutes? Hear, hear, now it's our turn of Western values bombarding. Cuz it is just how the world runs. Oh you are talking about diversity? Let's talk about how hard it is to be blonde and having to highlight my hair once a month. And having to move every month and go throught hell every month cuz I don't speak Italian and PARIS.

It was two intense weeks. Though most of the time I was either confused or tired (or both) sitting in the class, I did learn a lot. I learned to learn from the worst. And I'm grateful my sister was there to support me, and I'm grateful Prof. G listened to what we had to say, and I'm grateful in the end I did get to know some great people. Toby Bear, Kris Chubby Cat, Sarah, Zach, Simon, Nik, Etc.

Another thing I learned is that - as Sister Piglet-home Medicine keeps me reminded - I DO HAVE TO HAVE a set schedule to keep the minimal productivity level of me - and I realized much potential I have in terms of how much I could achieve during one day, academically and socially. Which leads to my second point.

II...

Hobonichi package is here! <3

The leather cover feels so good. Was exactly what I'd pictured in my head, if not better.

I did have to pay a 25 euro of Zoll - but fuck it and suck it up cuz is life; and esp. when it is Hobonichi!

Right now I have 4 different planners spreading on my table, but ALL I want is to have more of them and also at the same time considering a digitalized calendar for blocking - i.e. Google Calendar.

I think I'm mixing up my means and my end for time management here.

I will try to figure it out within the next week - will try using Google Calendar for the next week and figure it out.

III...

Nelson.

Okay it is an old topic already, but I realize new things every now and then.

For example, this week Micheal came. He used a lame excuse of "charging his phone" and, naive as me, of course he ended up in my kitchen. After countless attempts of flirting, realizing there was no chance he was gonna stay over the night, he just rushed out of the door without hugging me goodbye, and the next day I realized he blocked me on Whatsapp. Great.

That's when (thanks to Banki's reminding also) I realized, Nelson didn't care at all. He didn't care about me at all. If he cared about me for any single bit, he won't allow his friend to see me alone.

Emotion will pass. Feelings for Nelson will one day pass, but so does the fear in life.

IV...

Life is like riding a bycicle. To keep balance you have to keep moving no matter what.

The two mintues window period is really normal, it's human. The thing is how to go over the fear, and just start moving.

V...

Yesterday I went to my soon-to-be new apartment and had dinner with the folks. They are real nice people - Daniel, Christoph, Eva, Annika and Sophia <3 Plus Kuemmels!

I really like my room but just a bit worried about the cat hair situation.

Mal schauen.

VI...

我是怎么了 又不想动？

好不容易来到图书馆，你又在怕什么？

专心40分钟，然后回家。

往前看，往前看，不要回头。