诗情话译丨我不能和你一起生活

 
我不能和你一起生活
我不能和你一起生活
那将是生命本身
而生命在那边
橱柜的后面
 
钥匙在教堂司事的手里
他把我俩的生命
他的瓷器放在高处
像一只茶瓶
 
被主妇弃置
模样古怪，或是有些残缺
新的法国餐具更讨人欢心
旧的那些迟早会碎裂
 
我不能死去，和你一起
因为我俩必须有一人
等着合上另一人的眼睛
你，不能
 
而我，我能忍心在一旁
看着你慢慢冻僵
我自己却得不到死神的恩赐
领受他的寒霜
 
我也不能复活，和你一起
因为你的面容
将会盖过耶稣的面容
那种新的光芒
 
将清晰，而陌生地
照在我怀乡的眼睛上
只不过是你，而不是他
闪耀在我身旁
 
他们会审判我们——怎样
因为你，曾是天堂的仆人
你知道，或者那是你的愿望
我，不能
 
你占据了我的一切视觉
我没有多余的眼睛
不会把污秽的神圣
当作乐园的风景
 
如果你下地狱，我也去
即使我的名字
响亮地在天堂回荡
尊荣无比
 
如果你，被神拯救
而我，却受咒诅
必须去没有你的地方
那我自己，就是我的地狱
 
所以，我俩只能望着对方
你那里，我，这里
隔着一扇虚掩的门
海一样深，只剩祷告
和那白色的食粮
绝望
作者 艾米莉·狄金森（美）
翻译 灵石
 
I Cannot Live with You
I cannot live with you,
It would be life,
And life is over there
Behind the shelf
  
The sexton keeps the key to,
Putting up
Our life, his porcelain,
Like a cup
  
Discarded of the housewife,
Quaint or broken;
A newer Sèvres pleases,
Old ones crack.
  
I could not die with you,
For one must wait
To shut the other’s gaze down,
You could not.
  
And I, could I stand by
And see you freeze,
Without my right of frost,
Death’s privilege?
  
Nor could I rise with you,
Because your face
Would put out Jesus’,
That new grace
  
Glow plain and foreign
On my homesick eye,
Except that you, than he
Shone closer by.
  
They’d judge us—how?
For you served Heaven, you know,
Or sought to;
I could not,
  
Because you saturated sight,
And I had no more eyes
For sordid excellence
As Paradise.
  
And were you lost, I would be,
Though my name
Rang loudest
On the heavenly fame.
  
And were you saved,
And I condemned to be
Where you were not,
That self were hell to me.
  
So we must keep apart,
You there, I here,
With just the door ajar
That oceans are,
And prayer,
And that pale sustenance,
Despair!
By Emily Dickinson
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