Gay People Tell Us the Questions They Absolutely Hate Being Asked 同性恋者告诉了我们他们最讨厌被问到的问题
Gay People Tell Us the Questions They Absolutely Hate Being Asked
同性恋人群告诉了我们他们最讨厌被问到的问题
By Khalid El Khatib
August 17, 2016
Translated by Shel
"I have a weird question."
“我有个奇怪的问题。”
My straight female friend had FaceTimed me to settle a debate: "Do gay guys get turned on when they look at themselves naked?"
一位直女朋友跟我视频通话提出了她的疑惑：“男同性恋者看到自己的裸体会硬吗？”
I laughed. "I don't think I do," I said. "Maybe, though. Some of the hot guys I follow on Instagram—the shirtless selfie ones—they might?" She seemed satisfied by that. I added, "You're lucky you called me—you can't ask just any gay person that."
我笑了。“我应该不会，”我说。“不过也不是没有可能。我Instagram上关注的那些爱光上身自拍的性感男同志也许会？”她看上去对这个答案很满意。我又加了一句，“幸亏你问的是我，你可千万不能问别的同性恋这种问题。”
As the gay son of a Muslim immigrant, I'm often asked offensive questions by strangers. And I'm not alone. To better assess where we're at in 2016, we asked LGBTQ people to tell us the most offensive questions they've ever been asked and how they responded.
作为一名穆斯林移民的同性恋儿子，我总被不认识的人问一些无礼的问题。而且我不是一个人。为了看看2016年我们处于什么样的境地，我们问了LGBTQ群体的人被问到过最讨厌的问题是什么，以及他们是怎样回答的。
JASON COLLINS, 37, RETIRED PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL PLAYER, LOS ANGELES
When I first came out three years ago, people kept asking, "Are you sure you're gay?" That was easy to answer—I'd flip it with, "Are you sure you're straight?" But one time, I was in the Houston airport after a trip to Puerto Rico. I was in line to buy water and a cashier said, "Where are you traveling?" I told her, and she said, "Puerto Rico, lots of beautiful ladies down there. Did you have fun?"
杰森·柯林斯，37，退役职业篮球运动员，洛杉矶
三年前我刚出柜的时候，人们不停问我，“你确定你是同性恋吗？”这个很好回答，我就反问，“你确定你是异性恋吗？”但是那次，我从波多黎各旅游回来降落在休斯敦机场。当时我在排队买水，一位收银员说，“去哪儿玩了？”我告诉了她，然后她又说，“波多黎各，美女如云啊。你在那儿可快活了吧？”
I shot back, "There are a lot of beautiful men down there, too." She gave me a look and told me I didn't look gay—something I get a lot. I said, "Yep, I am," paid for the water and walked away.
我反击，“那里帅哥也挺多的。”她看了我一眼说我看起来不像同性恋，这种话我听得多了。我告诉她，“没错，我就是，”然后付完水钱就走了。
I could've let it go, but it's important to challenge preconceptions. Maybe next time she'll say, "Puerto Rico, lots of beautiful people down there."
我可以不跟她计较，但是挑战人们的偏见是很重要的。也许下次她会说，“波多黎各，那里美人很多啊。”
LIANA M. DOUILLET GUZMÁN, 33, VICE PRESIDENT OF MARKETING AND COMMUNICATIONS, BLOCKCHAIN, NEW YORK
I wear dresses and high heels and used to get questions about not "looking" gay. Now it's about the child I have with my partner. Outrageous questions like, "Who's the dad in the couple?" There is no dad. That's the whole point.
莲娜 M·杜蕾·古兹曼，33，市场传播副总裁，区块链，纽约
我会穿裙子和高跟鞋，对于“看上去”不像同性恋这种问题习以为常。现在问题在于我和我爱人的孩子。有人会问一些很过分的问题，像“两口子哪个是爸爸？”然而并没有什么爸爸。这就是问题所在。
More often than not, it's about my pregnancy. I'm not offended, but you'd never ask a straight couple if they had trouble conceiving or how they did it. I get asked, "Who's the sperm donor? Why did you pick him? How'd did you decide who would carry?" Very detailed questions. Colleagues who I wasn't even close with would say "are you going to turkey baste it?" at cocktail parties. At face value, it's offensive, but no one had bad intentions.
更多时候，人们会问我怎么怀上的。我没有生气，但你肯定不会去问一对异性恋夫妇怀孕有没有什么问题，或者他们是怎么怀上的。总有人问我，“精子的主人是谁？为什么要选他？你们是怎么决定谁来生孩子的？”都是很具体的问题。跟我并不是很熟的同事在鸡尾酒派对上还问我“你们打算要个试管婴儿吗？”较起真来，这个问题很不礼貌，但是他们并没有恶意。
I get detailed in my responses. I walk through the reason we picked our donor, why I carried. I carried my [blond] partner's egg, and I'm this brunette Puerto Rican. Our child looks more like her. It makes people curious, and I'm happy to make it comfortable. A lot of ignorance comes from an inability to understand and a fear of asking questions. By answering them, I want people to think of me as less of an other.
我回答得很详细。我解释了为什么会选中这个捐精者以及为什么由我来怀孕。我体内孕育着我爱人（金发）的卵子，而我是个褐发波多黎各人。我们的孩子长的更像她。人们对此很好奇，我也乐得让这事儿变得轻松愉快。很多时候人们的无知来源于不理解又不敢发问。通过回答这些问题，我希望人们不要再把我看做异类。
TAYTE HANSON, 26, DANCER, PHOTOGRAPHER, PORN STAR, NEW YORK
In porn, you're totally exposed. Everyone's seen my butthole, so people feel comfortable asking me anything. Most gay men are hypersensitive to superficial questions, like sexual preferences, or if I feel feminine when I'm bottoming. I don't have a problem with those—porn has hardened me.
泰特·汉森，26，舞者，摄影师，AV演员，纽约
在色情片里，你完全是一丝不挂的。每个人都见过我的菊花，所以他们问我任何问题都觉得很自然。大多数男同性恋对于一些肤浅的问题很敏感，比如性取向，或者说做受的时候会不会觉得自己像个女人。我就不存在这样的问题，因为拍色情片让我练就了一颗强大的心。
The ones that bother me scrape at the psychology of my homosexuality, like, "If you had a choice, would you be straight?" It implies that being gay is wrong, and it's asked with a level of complete ignorance. They assume, prior to asking, that I'm uncomfortable or upset with my life. I think so much of my life is perfect, and I'm extremely fucking happy.
让我困扰的是关于同性恋的精神层面的问题，比如“如果你能选的话，你想做一个异性恋者吗？”这话意思就是同性恋是错的，也说明提问的人对于同性恋一无所知。他们在开口问问题之前就有了自己的预设，以为我对人生感到痛苦和沮丧。我觉得我的人生非常完美，而且我他妈过得开心极了。
Not a lot of offensive questions about me or my work. But I'm not counting online comments—I stopped reading those a long time ago.
对于我本人和我的工作倒是没多少无礼问题。不过我不是数着网上的评论得出这个结论的，我老早就不看那些玩意儿了。
SARAH MEYER, 33, MULTIDISCIPLINARY ARTIST AND PART-TIME UBER DRIVER, CHICAGO
I don't define my gender. I respond to all pronouns—so people will ask, "What are you?" I say, "I am a giant human person filled almost always with anxiety. What are you?" But offensive questions don't just come from strangers.
萨拉·梅尔，33，多学科艺术家兼Uber司机，芝加哥
我不会界定我的性别。什么人称我都会答应，所以就有人会问，“你是个什么玩意儿啊？”我说，“我是个几乎时刻充满焦虑的大写的人。你又是个什么玩意儿？”但伤人的问题不仅仅来自陌生人。
My therapist once asked how women have sex with one another. Like: What? Where is your imagination? Why should I help you use it? Did you realize before this moment that your sexual experience apparently only included putting whatever penis into whichever vagina and that this means you are bland and that bland is not great?
我的心理医生有次问我两个女人怎么做爱。比如：什么？你怎么没点想象力？我为什么要帮你用这个？在此之前你知道吗，很明显你的性经历就只是随便哪个男人的丁丁插入随便哪个女人的阴道，这说明你这人很无趣，而且这种无趣可不是什么好事？
My answer to her and every other time I've been asked this (why does it keep happening?) is always just another question: "How would you have sex with someone if they didn't have a penis?" Somehow everyone who wonders about queer sex can answer this question. They just can't ask it of themselves.
我用另一个问题来回答她，就像回答其他人一样（为啥老有人问这种问题？）：“你怎么跟一个没有丁丁的人做爱？”不管怎么样，只要是对同性恋性行为有点好奇心的人都能答得上来。他们就是不能先问问自己。
JOHN TARGON, 33, FASHION DESIGNER, CO-FOUNDER OF BAJA EAST, NEW YORK
I came out when I was 14. I work in fashion. I live my life. I don't get a lot of questions that offend me, but the most common is that if my co-founder Scott [Studenberg] and I can truly be friends—everyone automatically assumes that we've slept together. We haven't.
约翰·塔贡，33，时尚设计师，BAJA EAST联合创始人，纽约
我14岁出的柜。我在时尚业工作。我好好过我的生活。我没有被问到过很多讨厌的问题，但人们问得最多的是，我和联合创始人斯科特（斯图登伯格）真的可以成为朋友吗，因为所有人都默认我们睡过。我们真没有。
As a big astrology guy, I know we're best for work. And I've known him for 12 years. He's my business partner, best friend, and roommate. We have a brotherhood. I feel it with a lot of attractive, eligible gay men I'm friends with—this brotherhood that has nothing to do with sex.
作为一个星座迷，我知道我们俩是最好的工作搭档。而且我都认识他12年了。他是我的商业伙伴，最好的朋友兼室友。我们情同手足。我有很多帅气又适合约会的同志朋友，但我只把他们当兄弟，这种兄弟情谊和性毫无关系。
It's similar to when someone finds out you're gay or first meets you and says, "Oh hey, I have someone cute to set you up with." Being a gay man isn't all about sex. We don't like all other gay men. The whole thing discounts the fact that gay people are multidimensional, too.
问这种问题就好像有人发现你是同性恋时给你介绍对象，或者第一次见面就说，“嗨，我认识个不错的人介绍给你吧。”男同性恋者的眼里不是只有性。每一个男同性恋者都是不一样的。同志也是精彩立体的人，而人们的成见却让这一事实大打折扣。
同性恋人群告诉了我们他们最讨厌被问到的问题
By Khalid El Khatib
August 17, 2016
Translated by Shel
"I have a weird question."
“我有个奇怪的问题。”
My straight female friend had FaceTimed me to settle a debate: "Do gay guys get turned on when they look at themselves naked?"
一位直女朋友跟我视频通话提出了她的疑惑：“男同性恋者看到自己的裸体会硬吗？”
I laughed. "I don't think I do," I said. "Maybe, though. Some of the hot guys I follow on Instagram—the shirtless selfie ones—they might?" She seemed satisfied by that. I added, "You're lucky you called me—you can't ask just any gay person that."
我笑了。“我应该不会，”我说。“不过也不是没有可能。我Instagram上关注的那些爱光上身自拍的性感男同志也许会？”她看上去对这个答案很满意。我又加了一句，“幸亏你问的是我，你可千万不能问别的同性恋这种问题。”
As the gay son of a Muslim immigrant, I'm often asked offensive questions by strangers. And I'm not alone. To better assess where we're at in 2016, we asked LGBTQ people to tell us the most offensive questions they've ever been asked and how they responded.
作为一名穆斯林移民的同性恋儿子，我总被不认识的人问一些无礼的问题。而且我不是一个人。为了看看2016年我们处于什么样的境地，我们问了LGBTQ群体的人被问到过最讨厌的问题是什么，以及他们是怎样回答的。
JASON COLLINS, 37, RETIRED PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL PLAYER, LOS ANGELES
When I first came out three years ago, people kept asking, "Are you sure you're gay?" That was easy to answer—I'd flip it with, "Are you sure you're straight?" But one time, I was in the Houston airport after a trip to Puerto Rico. I was in line to buy water and a cashier said, "Where are you traveling?" I told her, and she said, "Puerto Rico, lots of beautiful ladies down there. Did you have fun?"
杰森·柯林斯，37，退役职业篮球运动员，洛杉矶
三年前我刚出柜的时候，人们不停问我，“你确定你是同性恋吗？”这个很好回答，我就反问，“你确定你是异性恋吗？”但是那次，我从波多黎各旅游回来降落在休斯敦机场。当时我在排队买水，一位收银员说，“去哪儿玩了？”我告诉了她，然后她又说，“波多黎各，美女如云啊。你在那儿可快活了吧？”
I shot back, "There are a lot of beautiful men down there, too." She gave me a look and told me I didn't look gay—something I get a lot. I said, "Yep, I am," paid for the water and walked away.
我反击，“那里帅哥也挺多的。”她看了我一眼说我看起来不像同性恋，这种话我听得多了。我告诉她，“没错，我就是，”然后付完水钱就走了。
I could've let it go, but it's important to challenge preconceptions. Maybe next time she'll say, "Puerto Rico, lots of beautiful people down there."
我可以不跟她计较，但是挑战人们的偏见是很重要的。也许下次她会说，“波多黎各，那里美人很多啊。”
LIANA M. DOUILLET GUZMÁN, 33, VICE PRESIDENT OF MARKETING AND COMMUNICATIONS, BLOCKCHAIN, NEW YORK
I wear dresses and high heels and used to get questions about not "looking" gay. Now it's about the child I have with my partner. Outrageous questions like, "Who's the dad in the couple?" There is no dad. That's the whole point.
莲娜 M·杜蕾·古兹曼，33，市场传播副总裁，区块链，纽约
我会穿裙子和高跟鞋，对于“看上去”不像同性恋这种问题习以为常。现在问题在于我和我爱人的孩子。有人会问一些很过分的问题，像“两口子哪个是爸爸？”然而并没有什么爸爸。这就是问题所在。
More often than not, it's about my pregnancy. I'm not offended, but you'd never ask a straight couple if they had trouble conceiving or how they did it. I get asked, "Who's the sperm donor? Why did you pick him? How'd did you decide who would carry?" Very detailed questions. Colleagues who I wasn't even close with would say "are you going to turkey baste it?" at cocktail parties. At face value, it's offensive, but no one had bad intentions.
更多时候，人们会问我怎么怀上的。我没有生气，但你肯定不会去问一对异性恋夫妇怀孕有没有什么问题，或者他们是怎么怀上的。总有人问我，“精子的主人是谁？为什么要选他？你们是怎么决定谁来生孩子的？”都是很具体的问题。跟我并不是很熟的同事在鸡尾酒派对上还问我“你们打算要个试管婴儿吗？”较起真来，这个问题很不礼貌，但是他们并没有恶意。
I get detailed in my responses. I walk through the reason we picked our donor, why I carried. I carried my [blond] partner's egg, and I'm this brunette Puerto Rican. Our child looks more like her. It makes people curious, and I'm happy to make it comfortable. A lot of ignorance comes from an inability to understand and a fear of asking questions. By answering them, I want people to think of me as less of an other.
我回答得很详细。我解释了为什么会选中这个捐精者以及为什么由我来怀孕。我体内孕育着我爱人（金发）的卵子，而我是个褐发波多黎各人。我们的孩子长的更像她。人们对此很好奇，我也乐得让这事儿变得轻松愉快。很多时候人们的无知来源于不理解又不敢发问。通过回答这些问题，我希望人们不要再把我看做异类。
TAYTE HANSON, 26, DANCER, PHOTOGRAPHER, PORN STAR, NEW YORK
In porn, you're totally exposed. Everyone's seen my butthole, so people feel comfortable asking me anything. Most gay men are hypersensitive to superficial questions, like sexual preferences, or if I feel feminine when I'm bottoming. I don't have a problem with those—porn has hardened me.
泰特·汉森，26，舞者，摄影师，AV演员，纽约
在色情片里，你完全是一丝不挂的。每个人都见过我的菊花，所以他们问我任何问题都觉得很自然。大多数男同性恋对于一些肤浅的问题很敏感，比如性取向，或者说做受的时候会不会觉得自己像个女人。我就不存在这样的问题，因为拍色情片让我练就了一颗强大的心。
The ones that bother me scrape at the psychology of my homosexuality, like, "If you had a choice, would you be straight?" It implies that being gay is wrong, and it's asked with a level of complete ignorance. They assume, prior to asking, that I'm uncomfortable or upset with my life. I think so much of my life is perfect, and I'm extremely fucking happy.
让我困扰的是关于同性恋的精神层面的问题，比如“如果你能选的话，你想做一个异性恋者吗？”这话意思就是同性恋是错的，也说明提问的人对于同性恋一无所知。他们在开口问问题之前就有了自己的预设，以为我对人生感到痛苦和沮丧。我觉得我的人生非常完美，而且我他妈过得开心极了。
Not a lot of offensive questions about me or my work. But I'm not counting online comments—I stopped reading those a long time ago.
对于我本人和我的工作倒是没多少无礼问题。不过我不是数着网上的评论得出这个结论的，我老早就不看那些玩意儿了。
SARAH MEYER, 33, MULTIDISCIPLINARY ARTIST AND PART-TIME UBER DRIVER, CHICAGO
I don't define my gender. I respond to all pronouns—so people will ask, "What are you?" I say, "I am a giant human person filled almost always with anxiety. What are you?" But offensive questions don't just come from strangers.
萨拉·梅尔，33，多学科艺术家兼Uber司机，芝加哥
我不会界定我的性别。什么人称我都会答应，所以就有人会问，“你是个什么玩意儿啊？”我说，“我是个几乎时刻充满焦虑的大写的人。你又是个什么玩意儿？”但伤人的问题不仅仅来自陌生人。
My therapist once asked how women have sex with one another. Like: What? Where is your imagination? Why should I help you use it? Did you realize before this moment that your sexual experience apparently only included putting whatever penis into whichever vagina and that this means you are bland and that bland is not great?
我的心理医生有次问我两个女人怎么做爱。比如：什么？你怎么没点想象力？我为什么要帮你用这个？在此之前你知道吗，很明显你的性经历就只是随便哪个男人的丁丁插入随便哪个女人的阴道，这说明你这人很无趣，而且这种无趣可不是什么好事？
My answer to her and every other time I've been asked this (why does it keep happening?) is always just another question: "How would you have sex with someone if they didn't have a penis?" Somehow everyone who wonders about queer sex can answer this question. They just can't ask it of themselves.
我用另一个问题来回答她，就像回答其他人一样（为啥老有人问这种问题？）：“你怎么跟一个没有丁丁的人做爱？”不管怎么样，只要是对同性恋性行为有点好奇心的人都能答得上来。他们就是不能先问问自己。
JOHN TARGON, 33, FASHION DESIGNER, CO-FOUNDER OF BAJA EAST, NEW YORK
I came out when I was 14. I work in fashion. I live my life. I don't get a lot of questions that offend me, but the most common is that if my co-founder Scott [Studenberg] and I can truly be friends—everyone automatically assumes that we've slept together. We haven't.
约翰·塔贡，33，时尚设计师，BAJA EAST联合创始人，纽约
我14岁出的柜。我在时尚业工作。我好好过我的生活。我没有被问到过很多讨厌的问题，但人们问得最多的是，我和联合创始人斯科特（斯图登伯格）真的可以成为朋友吗，因为所有人都默认我们睡过。我们真没有。
As a big astrology guy, I know we're best for work. And I've known him for 12 years. He's my business partner, best friend, and roommate. We have a brotherhood. I feel it with a lot of attractive, eligible gay men I'm friends with—this brotherhood that has nothing to do with sex.
作为一个星座迷，我知道我们俩是最好的工作搭档。而且我都认识他12年了。他是我的商业伙伴，最好的朋友兼室友。我们情同手足。我有很多帅气又适合约会的同志朋友，但我只把他们当兄弟，这种兄弟情谊和性毫无关系。
It's similar to when someone finds out you're gay or first meets you and says, "Oh hey, I have someone cute to set you up with." Being a gay man isn't all about sex. We don't like all other gay men. The whole thing discounts the fact that gay people are multidimensional, too.
问这种问题就好像有人发现你是同性恋时给你介绍对象，或者第一次见面就说，“嗨，我认识个不错的人介绍给你吧。”男同性恋者的眼里不是只有性。每一个男同性恋者都是不一样的。同志也是精彩立体的人，而人们的成见却让这一事实大打折扣。
