Recognition
Dear Diary,
I've been unsatisfied with myself (or should I say my life) recently. You may guess that it is because of the tiredness which my job brings to me. However it is not. On the contrary, there is not much to do during work time and I even start to read a variety of books including novels, proses and academic books like principles of economics. Life after work is not bad either. Take a walk with my dog and train for a while after dinner. The rest of the time is spent on reading and learning German. It's a busy but meaningful and positive life, isn't it?
Yes, indeed. But it doesn't bring me pleasure. As I was busy with projects, what they left me was tiredness, but along with the feeling of recognition. When the work was done, the feeling of accomplishment sprang out from the bottom of my heart. Comfortable working life will surely not provide me with self-recognition. Besides, I'm really tired of my lonely single life. There is no one I can talk with, share feelings with. Sometimes I feel that no one understands me. In fact, getting a girlfriend is not that difficult. Nevertheless, getting one I admire is. This may be another source of recognition. Of course, a lot of people appreciate me. I'm not bragging exaggeratedly. However, I don't need the recognition from those people I don't appreciate. Just like the line in Games of Throne, the lion doesn't care what the sheep thinks. They may envy you, admire you, hate you or worship you. Whatever. It doesn't matter. But if the recognition comes from someone you admire,in other words, someone stands on a higher level or the same level where you do, you will surely feel different.
It may be childish but I admit that I do desire recognition. Recognition from authority or someone you appreciate proves your own value. It means a lot to me, without which I don't know the significance of living in the world. I can't say that the recent situation is like hitting the bottom. There is no failure, no setback. On the opposite, I am stepping forward, gaining knowledge. But the loneliness in such a busy life is killing me.
I've been unsatisfied with myself (or should I say my life) recently. You may guess that it is because of the tiredness which my job brings to me. However it is not. On the contrary, there is not much to do during work time and I even start to read a variety of books including novels, proses and academic books like principles of economics. Life after work is not bad either. Take a walk with my dog and train for a while after dinner. The rest of the time is spent on reading and learning German. It's a busy but meaningful and positive life, isn't it?
Yes, indeed. But it doesn't bring me pleasure. As I was busy with projects, what they left me was tiredness, but along with the feeling of recognition. When the work was done, the feeling of accomplishment sprang out from the bottom of my heart. Comfortable working life will surely not provide me with self-recognition. Besides, I'm really tired of my lonely single life. There is no one I can talk with, share feelings with. Sometimes I feel that no one understands me. In fact, getting a girlfriend is not that difficult. Nevertheless, getting one I admire is. This may be another source of recognition. Of course, a lot of people appreciate me. I'm not bragging exaggeratedly. However, I don't need the recognition from those people I don't appreciate. Just like the line in Games of Throne, the lion doesn't care what the sheep thinks. They may envy you, admire you, hate you or worship you. Whatever. It doesn't matter. But if the recognition comes from someone you admire,in other words, someone stands on a higher level or the same level where you do, you will surely feel different.
It may be childish but I admit that I do desire recognition. Recognition from authority or someone you appreciate proves your own value. It means a lot to me, without which I don't know the significance of living in the world. I can't say that the recent situation is like hitting the bottom. There is no failure, no setback. On the opposite, I am stepping forward, gaining knowledge. But the loneliness in such a busy life is killing me.
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