A laowai is a laowai
I had an interesting discussion with a friend who is also living in China since a long time. We both have Chinese wives and hunxue kids, but we are at different levels of immersion in Chinese culture. He do not speak Chinese at work, for example. He asked if I wasn't afraid to loose my "self", and become "too Chinese". I think it is not possible. In fact, there seem to be a "Western core" inside me that may not change, and can only be covered by self-control.
An example: If a car is driving less than 2 meters far from me, I feel that this car's driver is considering that my safety as pedestrian or cyclist is less important for him than to pass this red light in time. I feel it as an agression on my person. If I happen to have my kid on my side, it is even worse.
The first thing my third brother told me when we were in the taxi after his arrival in Beijing was that cars were driving very close to pedestrian and cyclist, here. So did all the Westerners I know that have been to China.
After 10 years here, I still feel this reaction when a car is driving too close to me: someone is playing with my life. It feels like an agression as much as if this someone was pointing a loaded gun at me.
Most often, I control myself, because my rationality tells me that the actual danger is not that big, that there are tons of reasons for Beijing drivers to have different driving habit than French driver, who by the way have very different habits than German drivers. But still, my reptilian self has been formed to react to this as a life-threatening aggression. Sometime, when I am tired or worried by something else or not alert enough, this reptilian self leaks out, and I shout at the driver, or knock the car's window violently.
I am sorry for that. It is useless. Self-control is better.
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An example: If a car is driving less than 2 meters far from me, I feel that this car's driver is considering that my safety as pedestrian or cyclist is less important for him than to pass this red light in time. I feel it as an agression on my person. If I happen to have my kid on my side, it is even worse.
The first thing my third brother told me when we were in the taxi after his arrival in Beijing was that cars were driving very close to pedestrian and cyclist, here. So did all the Westerners I know that have been to China.
After 10 years here, I still feel this reaction when a car is driving too close to me: someone is playing with my life. It feels like an agression as much as if this someone was pointing a loaded gun at me.
Most often, I control myself, because my rationality tells me that the actual danger is not that big, that there are tons of reasons for Beijing drivers to have different driving habit than French driver, who by the way have very different habits than German drivers. But still, my reptilian self has been formed to react to this as a life-threatening aggression. Sometime, when I am tired or worried by something else or not alert enough, this reptilian self leaks out, and I shout at the driver, or knock the car's window violently.
I am sorry for that. It is useless. Self-control is better.
