哈佛幸福课(15)：完美主义
1. 完美主义
Perfectionism is an incapacitating fear of failure that permeates our lives, especially those areas that we care about most.
对失败的失能性恐惧，尤其是对我们在意的方面。
It is an approach, a cognitive and emotional schema, that we hold toward the journey of our lives, toward the process of getting from point A to point B.
这是我们在面对人生旅途的时候，也是我们从A点到B点的过程中采取的一种方式，一种认知与情感的基模。
2. Perfectionist and the person commit to Excellence：
Perfectionist：All or nothing
Excellence：Enjoy the journey. Even it is not the direct way. More realistic!
3. Perfection Vs. Excellence
4. Source of Perfectionism.
Conditioning 社会因素：
Destination = Reward = Acceptance 人们不断形成并接受的基模：成果才是真正重要的。
Journey = Unrewarded = Means Only 很少对获得成果的过程关注
Achievement, we get reward, but not on the journey.
Too many perfect model from the magazine, movie and so on.
Not all praise is good：indiscriminately praise may be harmful in the long term, it may create the perfectionism schema
Example： 对孩子的不同表扬
Smart Intelligent----emphasizing natural intelligence-----no good recipe to failure(perfectionist schema)
Hardworking----emphasizing effort-----control success
5. How to overcome perfectionism?
Self-awareness. Be aware of it. What do I want to change. What do I want to maintain?
Focus on a rewarding effort. Reward ourselves the journey, even if fail
Active acceptance.
Go ahead to change it. Less defensive. Experience more "no".
Meditation and visualization. Imagine it in our mind, for example, imagine we are very relaxing.
Setting a liberating goal or vision. To make us focus on the journey.
The platinum rule, "Treat others in the way they like to be treated." . having compassion for ourselves as well, not treating ourselves differently than we treat others. Having similar standard.
6、Three "P"
Permission to be human. Respect to the reality.
Positive, benefit finder. Distract ourselves.
Taking perspective. Does it really matter, after a year, in the long term. 转换角度
Psychological maturity：The ability to willingly shift perspective. 心理成熟就是有主动转移视角的能力，时间和空间上都能退后一步。
Perfectionism is an incapacitating fear of failure that permeates our lives, especially those areas that we care about most.
对失败的失能性恐惧，尤其是对我们在意的方面。
It is an approach, a cognitive and emotional schema, that we hold toward the journey of our lives, toward the process of getting from point A to point B.
这是我们在面对人生旅途的时候，也是我们从A点到B点的过程中采取的一种方式，一种认知与情感的基模。
2. Perfectionist and the person commit to Excellence：
 |
Perfectionist：All or nothing
Excellence：Enjoy the journey. Even it is not the direct way. More realistic!
3. Perfection Vs. Excellence
 |
 |
4. Source of Perfectionism.
Conditioning 社会因素：
Destination = Reward = Acceptance 人们不断形成并接受的基模：成果才是真正重要的。
Journey = Unrewarded = Means Only 很少对获得成果的过程关注
Achievement, we get reward, but not on the journey.
Too many perfect model from the magazine, movie and so on.
Not all praise is good：indiscriminately praise may be harmful in the long term, it may create the perfectionism schema
Example： 对孩子的不同表扬
Smart Intelligent----emphasizing natural intelligence-----no good recipe to failure(perfectionist schema)
Hardworking----emphasizing effort-----control success
5. How to overcome perfectionism?
Self-awareness. Be aware of it. What do I want to change. What do I want to maintain?
Focus on a rewarding effort. Reward ourselves the journey, even if fail
Active acceptance.
Go ahead to change it. Less defensive. Experience more "no".
Meditation and visualization. Imagine it in our mind, for example, imagine we are very relaxing.
Setting a liberating goal or vision. To make us focus on the journey.
The platinum rule, "Treat others in the way they like to be treated." . having compassion for ourselves as well, not treating ourselves differently than we treat others. Having similar standard.
6、Three "P"
Permission to be human. Respect to the reality.
Positive, benefit finder. Distract ourselves.
Taking perspective. Does it really matter, after a year, in the long term. 转换角度
Psychological maturity：The ability to willingly shift perspective. 心理成熟就是有主动转移视角的能力，时间和空间上都能退后一步。
