Love is not something that we can decide on......

I cannot tell the other person to stop loving me or another person, just like I cannot stop myself from loving another...... Its terrible how love plays out sometimes, but I believe that there is a reason why we are attracted to the people who we are attracted to and vice-versa. Similarly, we are in each others' lives for a reason at different times. For example, just when I'm lonely, he comes into my life and keep me company or just when I need to learn to be independent, they all left to make me stronger. But did I learn my lesson? I don't think so, I notice a fatal flaw in myself, and that is: whenever I'm in love with someone or very fond of someone, I get in too deep, not exactly in the relationship, but in my head, in my own world. I contribute so much, put so much time, effort and care into my imagination, but I rarely show it to the person in question. I get soooo deep into it that I cannot get out. Isn't that bizzare?! I'm terribly dreamy or should I say love day dreaming. I sometimes miss the important border line between fantasy and reality.
I cannot stop myself either, it's like a disease or a drug. I completely infatuated with it, but at the same time, know that it is bad for me. I love wallowing in my own pain sometimes, and I find tht I actually like crying or the feeling of being the victim and how everyone has done something bad to me. I wonder what would happen if I just avoid him for a while, and then gather my thoughts and process my emotions, then weaken those feelings by disregarding them or labeling them as simply a short term and unrealistic fantasy. I wonder would he actually get worried or upset if I dont talk to him for a week or two, maybe 2 weeks. I wonder if I can really let him go. I know I can, I just need to stop seeing him, hearing from him and get far far away from him. I think I can do it. I need to take that back, it belongs to me. I dont know what hes thinking, but he needs to get his own. I dont wanna tie up to him because of it. It just becomes too superficial and old school. What does he mean by not wanting to return my own computer to me?!! How dare he do that? it does not belong to him. I was trying to elp him, and this is what I get!!! What am I?! Enough is enough!!! Hes not a good person. He has to go.