Baltimore Ravens Jerseys Do Your Part Help Your Teen be Self

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Take a moment to reflect on your interactions with your children today. What was the general tone of the day? What emotions predominated for you? Were you calm, listening Haloti Ngata jersey, curious, frustrated Joe Flacco jersey, angry, or impatient? What message do you feel your child will take to bed with them tonight?
One of the great challenges of parenting is finding a balance between allowing our kids to discover who they are T.J. Houshmandzadeh Jersey, while teaching them about expectations, rules and consequences. Sometimes in our attempts to do so, we may find ourselves frustrated, tired, being manipulated or just beaten down. In those moments we might react with anger and “put our foot down Womens Ravens Jerseys,” or give up and let things slide. In my work with adolescents at Catherine Freer Wilderness Therapy Programs (), I have heard something over and over that parents have a hard time believing--in their heart of hearts, teenagers say “Please have boundaries and expectations for me. Be consistent. I need to know you will keep me safe, even if I don’t act like it!”
As parents, a primary goal is to assist our children in developing self-efficacy and good judgment. By doing so we give them tools to interact with others in settings outside the home, advocate for themselves, and make good choices when we are not around. The foundational process of developing these traits is through the child’s own experience of making choices and experiencing the consequences of those choices.
Research shows that in seeking cooperation from your child, how you communicate your expectations may be the most significant variable--the old adage is really true--”it’s not only what you say, but how you say it.” Our use of language Anquan Boldin Jersey, and yes, tone of voice Ray Rice jersey, is not lost on our children. As dictators around the world can attest, through domination and control you can instill compliance, but at what cost? There is usually an uprising or mutiny in the works as a result. In considering the manner in which we communicate our expectations and model our values to our kids Baltimore Ravens Jerseys, several points are worth noting:
Firstly Michael Oher Jersey, compliance comes from investment in the outcome. One way to gain your child’s investment is to instill the underlying values and intention behind expectations. For example, if the rule is to “look both ways before crossing the street,” the rule is more effective if the child knows the intention is “to keep you safe.” This can extend to moral rules, rules of safety, and rules of social interaction, such as: “Saying ‘please’ is part of the values of our family. It shows respect to the person you are asking to help you.” Through helping your child understand that rules and expectations aren’t about “because I said so Ray Lewis jersey,” but are rooted in a positive intention, they can gain investment and identify how it can benefit them.
Secondly, cooperation comes from relationship. Certainly, in all relationships there are good days and bad days, when we struggle with moments of conflict. When you interact with your teen in those not-so-happy moments, take a minute to notice how you are communicating--are you reacting, or are you responding? Reacting can be identified as an unconscious, often emotion-driven communication style. Generally when we are reacting (or reactive) we are in “defensive” mode, and not really paying attention to what we are saying and communicating. We are speaking from our emotional brain Kids Ravens Jerseys, rather than the area of the brain that is the command center of judgment and weighing consequences.
Reacting can sometimes be expressed through anger, irritation, sarcasm or “shutting down.” Responding, by contrast Ed Reed jersey, is a conscious, thoughtful, relationship-based way of communicating. This is where “mindfulness” comes into play Ravens Jerseys, allowing us to respond in a thoughtful manner rather than in an unconscious manner. What is the real difference? Your teen will likely see a reaction as being an invitation to do battle with you, and a response as an invitation to engage in real communication. Reacting often breeds conflict, while resp
  
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