化学花园三部曲第一部——《凋谢》第一章
Chapter One
第一章
I wait. They keep us in the dark for so long that we lose sense of our eyelids. We sleep huddled together like rats, staring out, and dream of our bodies swaying.
我在等。他们在黑暗中囚禁了我们如此之久，以至于我们已感觉不到自己的眼睑。我们像老鼠一样蜷缩睡成一团，目光投入虚空，梦见自己的身体不停晃动。
I know when one of the girls reaches a wall. She begins to pound and scream—there’s metal in the sound—but none of us help her. We've gone too long without speaking, and all we do is bury ourselves more into the dark.
我是在另一个女孩儿触到一面墙时恢复知觉的。她开始尖叫，捶打墙壁——从声音听来墙壁是金属制的——但我们之中没有一个人帮她。我们已在沉默中行进了很长时间，而我们唯一做的,就是将自己更深地埋入黑暗之中。
The doors open.
门被一齐打开。
The light is frightening. It’s the light of the world through the birth canal, and at once the blinding tunnel that comes with death. I recoil into the blankets with the other girls in horror, not wanting to begin or end.
这光亮令人战栗，它是照亮母亲产道的世界之光，但同时也是一条引向死亡的刺眼的通道.我跟其他女孩儿一起畏缩回了毯子里，不愿通过那道光,无论生死.
We stumble when they let us out; we’ve forgotten how to use our legs. How long has it been—days? Hours? The big open sky waits in its usual place.
他们让我们出去时，我们都磕磕绊绊的，腿脚都不听使唤了。过了多久了呢——几个小时？还是几天？巨大开阔的天空还是在它的老地方待着。
I stand in line with the other girls, and men in gray coats study us.
我跟其他的女孩儿排队站着，然后一个穿灰衣服的男人仔细打量我们。
I’ve heard of this happening. Where I come from, girls have been disappearing for a long time. They disappear from their beds or from the side of the road. It happened to a girl in my neighborhood. Her whole family disappeared after that, moved away, either to find her or because they knew she would never be returned.
我早已听说过这种事情。在我来的那个地方，长期以来已经有很多女孩儿消失了。她们或是从床上或是从路边，忽然就不见了踪影。我邻居家的一个女孩儿也发生过这种事情。她的一家随后全都搬走了，可能是去找她，也可能是知道她永远不会回来了。
Now it’s my turn. I know girls disappear, but any number of things could come after that. Will I become a murdered reject? Sold into prostitution? These things have happened. There’s only one other option. I could become a bride. I’ve seen them on television, reluctant yet beautiful teenage brides, on the arm of a wealthy man who is approaching the lethal age of twenty-five.
现在轮到了我。我知道女孩儿们失踪的事，但并不知道这之后发生了什么。我会被杀掉之后弃尸荒野，还是被卖进妓院？这种事屡见不鲜。面前只有一个额外的选项。我可以成为一位新娘。我早就在电视上看到过，那些十几岁的新娘被一个个即将达到25岁大限的有钱男人揽在怀里，虽然美丽依然却满脸的不情愿。
The other girls never make it to the television screen. Girls who don’t pass their inspection are shipped to a brothel in the scarlet districts. Some we have found murdered on the sides of roads, rotting, staring into the searing sun because the Gatherers couldn’t be bothered to deal with them. Some girls disappear forever, and all their families can do is wonder.
另外的女孩儿就永远不可能上电视屏幕了。没有通过他们检查的女孩儿会被运到红灯区的妓院去。她们中有些后来被我们找到了了，不过已经死在路边，尸体腐烂，双目直视着烈阳，收垃圾的人因为怕麻烦，不愿处理它们。有些女孩儿就此永远消失，而她们的家人除了惊愕之外无能为力。
The girls are taken as young as thirteen, when their bodies are mature enough to bear children, and the virus claims every female of our generation by twenty.
被带走的女孩儿都是13岁左右，她们的身体已经发育成熟，可以怀孩子，病毒使得我们这一代的女性都只有20岁的寿命。
Our hips are measured to determine strength, and our lips pried apart so the men can judge our health by our teeth. One of the girls vomits. She may be the girl who screamed. She wipes her mouth, trembling, terrified. I stand firm, determined to be anonymous, unhelpful.
他们测量我们的臀部以确定力量，撬开我们的嘴唇，好让那些男人根据我们的牙齿判断我们的健康状况。有一个女孩儿呕吐了。她可能就是那个尖叫的女孩儿。她擦着自己的嘴，害怕得瑟瑟发抖。我稳稳站住，决定装作既没有特点也没有用处。
I feel too alive in this row of moribund girls with their eyes half open. I sense that their hearts are barely beating, while mine pounds in my chest. After so much time spent riding in the darkness of the truck, we have all fused together. We are one nameless thing sharing this strange hell. I do not want to stand out. I do not want to stand out.
我觉得自己跟身边这些眼睛半睁的垂死女孩儿相比似乎活力太足了一点。我感到她们的心脏几乎没有搏动，而我的则在胸膛里猛跳。在卡车车厢的黑暗中度过如此之长的旅途之后，我们已经熔化到了一起。我们成了共同经历这陌生地狱的无名物体。千万别注意我，千万别注意我，我内心默念。
But it doesn’t matter. Someone has noticed me. A man paces before the line of us. He allows us to be prodded by the men in gray coats who examine us. He seems thoughtful and pleased. His eyes, green, like two exclamation marks, meet mine. He smiles. There’s a flash of gold in his teeth, indicating wealth. This is unusual because he’s too young to be losing his teeth. He keeps walking, and I stare at my shoes. Stupid! I should never have looked up. The strange color of my eyes is the first thing anyone ever notices.
可这没有用。有人已经注意到我了。是一个在我们的队列前踱步的男人。他听凭我们被那个灰衣男人戳来戳去，作测试。他看上去思想深邃，兴致高昂，绿色的眼珠就如两个感叹号。我们的视线相接，他笑了。他嘴里的金牙闪了一下，显出了他的财势。这是不同寻常的，因为他还远没到掉牙的年龄。他接着走过来，我盯着我的鞋子。我太蠢了！我根本就不该抬头。任何一个人一看到我都肯定会注意我眼睛的奇异颜色。
He says something to the men in gray coats. They look at all of us and then they seem to be in agreement. The man with gold teeth smiles in my direction again, and then he’s taken to another car that shoots up bits of gravel as it backs onto the road and drives away.
他向那个灰衣男人说了些什么。他们看了看我们所有的女孩儿，看上去好像达成了某种协议。那个金牙男人朝我这边又笑了笑，然后他被带进了另一辆车里，那车径直开回道路上，走了，车后卷起了一些沙砾。
The vomit girl is taken back to the truck, and a dozen other girls with her; a man in a gray coat follows them in. There are three of us left, the gap of the other girls still between us. The men speak to one another again, and then to us. “Go,” they say, and we oblige. There’s nowhere to go but the back of an open limousine parked on the gravel. We’re off the road somewhere, not far from the highway. I can hear the distant sounds of traffic. I can see the evening city lights beginning to appear in the distant purple haze. It’s nowhere I recognize; a road this desolate is far from the crowded streets back home.
那个呕吐的女孩被带回了卡车里，另外还有十几个女孩儿跟她一起被送了进去；一个灰衣男人跟着她们进了卡车。有三个女孩被留了下来，我们跟其他女孩儿之间被划分出了一道鸿沟。那些男人又彼此交谈了一阵，然后再度转向我们。“走”，他们命令道，强迫我们走开。我们唯一能去的地方是一辆豪华轿车的后车厢，这车泊在碎石子路上。我们在远离大路的某个地方，应该离高速公路不远。我能听到远处车辆往来的声音，还能看到遥远的城市开始在紫色的暮霭中发出光芒。我完全不认识这是什么地方；此地是一条早已废弃的道路，远离往日我回家时的拥挤街道。
Go.
走。
The two other chosen girls move before me, and I’m the last to get into the limousine. There’s a tinted glass window that separates us from the driver. Just before someone shuts the door, I hear something inside the van where the remaining girls were herded.
另外两个被选中的女孩儿走在我前面，我是最后一个进入那辆豪华轿车的。套色玻璃把我们同司机隔了开来。就在某人即将把车门关上的时候，我听到那辆集中了剩余女孩们的卡车里发出了一阵声音。
It’s the first of what I know will be a dozen more gunshots.
这是我第一次听到这种声音，后来我才知道，那是十几声枪响。
I awake in a satin bed, nauseous and pulsating with sweat. My first conscious movement is to push myself to the edge of the mattress, where I lean over and vomit onto the lush red carpet. I’m still spitting and gagging when someone begins cleaning up the mess with a dishrag.
我在一张铺着锦缎的床上醒转过来，满身大汗，心脏怦怦直跳，恶心得就要吐了。我的第一个下意识动作就是爬到床垫的边缘然后弯下腰去呕在了华丽的红地毯上。我吐个不停，喉咙都被堵得说不出话来了，直到有人拿着抹布来处理我吐出来的那一滩东西，我都没缓过来。
“Everyone handles the sleep gas differently,” he says softly.
“看来每个人对睡气的反应都不一样啊，”他语气柔和地说道。
“Sleep gas?” I splutter, and before I can wipe my mouth on my lacy white sleeve, he hands me a cloth napkin—also lush red.
“睡气？”我语无伦次地答了句。就在我打算用衣服的白色蕾丝边袖口擦嘴巴的时候，他递过来一块餐巾布——同样是华丽的红色。
“It comes out through the vents in the limo,” he says. “It’s so you won’t know where you’re going.”
“睡气是从那辆豪华轿车里面的排气口喷出来的，”他说道。“这样你们就不知道你们会去哪儿了。”
I remember the glass window separating us from the front of the car. Air tight, I assume. Vaguely I remember the whooshing of air coming through vents in the walls.
我记起了那扇把我们跟轿车前厢隔开的玻璃窗。当时车厢里里很闷，我估计是密封的。我依稀记得空气从车厢的墙上喷出来的嗖嗖声。
“One of the other girls,” the boy says, as he sprays white foam onto the spot where I vomited, “she almost threw herself out the bedroom window, she was so disoriented. The window’s locked, of course. Shatterproof.” Despite the awful things he’s saying, his voice is low, possibly even sympathetic.
“另外两个女孩儿中有一个，”这个男孩儿对着我刚刚呕吐过的那块地毯喷洒了白色的泡沫剂，一边擦洗着一边跟我说道，“差点就从窗户口撞了出去，她太没有判断力了。那窗户都是锁着的，而且装的是防碎玻璃。”尽管他给我讲的事情很糟糕，但是他的声音低沉，挺合我意。
I look over my shoulder at the window. Closed tight. The world is bright green and blue beyond it, brighter than my home, where there’s only dirt and the remnants of my mother’s garden that I’ve failed to revive.
我站在窗边仔细查看我的肩膀。窗子紧闭。透过窗户，外面的世界一片翠绿靛蓝，比我家要漂亮很多，要知道，我家花园里里只有我妈妈种的一些脏兮兮的残花，我花了好多时间也没能让它们复生。
Somewhere down the hall, a woman screams. The boy tenses for a moment. Then he resumes scrubbing away the foam.
楼下的大厅里，好像有个女人在尖叫。那个男孩儿紧张了片刻。然后他又继续擦洗地摊上的泡沫。
“I can help,” I offer. A moment ago I didn’t feel guilty about ruining anything in this place; I know I’m here against my will. But I also know this boy isn’t to blame. He can’t be one of the Gatherer men in gray who brought me here—he’s too young, possibly my age. Maybe he was also brought here against his will. I haven’t heard of teenage boys disappearing, but up until fifty years ago, when the virus was discovered, girls were also safe. Everyone was safe.
“我可以帮忙的，”我向他提议道。就在一会儿之前，我对破坏这个地方的任何东西都没有任何负罪感；我知道来这儿并非我愿。但是我同样知道这不是这个男孩儿的错。他不可能是那些穿着灰衣的“搜捕人”中的一员——他太年轻了，可能跟我差不多大。也许他来这里也不是出于己愿。我还从没听说过十几岁的男孩儿有莫名其妙地消失的，但是回溯到五十年前，病毒还没被发现的时候，女孩子们也很安全。每个人都很安全。
“No need. It’s all done,” he says. And when he moves the rag away, there’s not so much as a stain. He pulls a handle out of the wall, and a chute opens; he tosses the rags into it, lets go, and the chute clamps shut. He tucks the can of white foam into his apron pocket and returns to what he was doing. He picks up a silver tray from where he’d placed it on the floor, and brings it to my night table. “If you’re feeling better, there’s some lunch for you. Nothing that will make you fall asleep again, I promise.” He looks like he might smile. Just almost. But he maintains a concentrated gaze as he lifts a metal lid off a bowl of soup and another off a small plate of steaming vegetables and mashed potatoes cradling a lake of gravy. I’ve been stolen, drugged, locked away in this place, yet I’m being served a gourmet meal. The sentiment is so vile I could almost throw up again.
“没必要，弄完了。”他答道。等他把那些碎步头弄走之后，地毯上就只留下了一小块污点。他拉了一下墙上伸出来的一个把手，一条斜槽就自墙面上打开了，他把那些碎布倒进里面，让它们滑了下去，斜槽就又自动合上了。他把那个装白色泡沫的罐子收进了围裙口袋里，就又回身做自己的事。他从地板上拿起一个刚刚放好的银托盘，把它搁到了我的床头柜上。“如果你感觉好些了的话，我这儿为你准备了午餐。不会再有那种东西让你睡着了，我保证。“他看上去好像笑了一下。但只是好像而已。他全神贯注地盯着托盘，在我面前把上面各种佳肴的金属盖一一揭开，首先是一小碗汤，接着是一小盘热气腾腾的蔬菜，还有一盘肉汁衬底的土豆泥。我先是被掳走，又被下了药，锁着到了这个地方，然而现在的我正被伺候着享用一顿美食家级别的午餐。这种感觉真是糟透了，我几乎又要呕吐起来。
“That other girl—the one who tried to throw herself out the window—what happened to her?” I ask. I don’t dare ask about the woman screaming down the hall. I don’t want to know about her.
“还有一个女孩儿——那个想撞出窗子的女孩儿——她怎么样了？”我问道。我不敢问楼下大厅里那个尖叫的女孩儿的事儿。我不想知道她的事。
“She’s calmed down some.”
”她好像冷静了些。“
“And the other girl?”
“那还有一个女孩儿呢？“
“She woke up this morning. I think the House Governor took her to tour the gardens.”
“她今天早上就醒了。我猜主人带她游览花园去了。”
House Governor. I remember my despair and crash against the pillows. House Governors own mansions. They purchase brides from Gatherers, who patrol the streets looking for ideal candidates to kidnap. The merciful ones will sell the rejects into prostitution, but the ones I encountered herded them into the van and shot them all. I heard that first gunshot over and over in my medicated dreams.
房子的主人。我靠着枕头，心头又涌起一股绝望和崩溃的感觉。房子的主人拥有这幢宅邸。他们花钱从“搜捕队”的人手上买新娘，那些人整日在街道上游弋，寻找可人的女子进行绑架。仁慈一点的搜捕者会把不合要求的女孩子卖到妓院去，但是我碰到的这群搜捕队则是直接把她们赶到一部卡车里全部枪杀了。在我被“睡气”迷晕的这段时间里，我不停地做梦，那第一声枪响久久回荡在我的梦里。
“How long have I been here?” I say.
“我已经呆在这儿多久了？”我说道。
“Two days,” the boy says. He hands me a steaming cup, and I’m about to refuse it when I see the tea bagstring dangling over the side, smell the spices. Tea. My brother, Rowan, and I had it with our breakfast each morning, and with dinner each night. The smell is like home. My mother would hum as she waited by the stove for the water to boil.
“两天，”那男孩儿回答。他递过来一个冒着热气的杯子，我本打算拒绝，可是我闻到了杯子里冒出的茶香，看见了茶包的棉线缀在杯沿。茶。我的哥哥，罗文，还有我，以前每天早餐和晚餐的时候都要喝茶。这香气就像家的味道。我妈妈在等待炉上水烧开的时候会发出低声哼唱。
Blearily I sit up and take the tea. I hold it near my face and breathe the steam in through my nose. It’s all I can do not to burst into tears. The boy must sense that the full impact of what has happened is reaching me. He must sense that I’m on the verge of doing something dramatic like crying or trying to fling myself out the window like that other girl, because he’s already moving for the door. Quietly, without looking back, he leaves me to my grief. But instead of tears, when I press my face against the pillow, a horrible, primal scream comes out of me. It’s unlike anything I thought myself capable of. Rage, unlike anything I’ve ever known.
我恍惚地坐了起来，接过了茶杯，把它贴近脸，用力地呼吸冒出来的热汽，只有这样我才控制住自己的眼泪，不让自己哭出来。那个男孩儿一定是感觉到我正在经受这一连串事件带来的情绪冲撞。他肯定以为我情绪濒临崩溃，会像其他的女孩一样做些戏剧性的事，或者大哭或者去撞窗户，因为他走到了门边上，准备关门。他很安静地连头也没回就走了，把我一人留在房里独自悲伤。但是当我把头埋进枕头里之后，并没有流下眼泪，我发出了一声可怕的非常原始的尖叫。这种叫声就连我自己都从来没有意识到过我能发出来，我从来都不知道在这世界上还有一种尖叫叫作愤怒。
第一章
I wait. They keep us in the dark for so long that we lose sense of our eyelids. We sleep huddled together like rats, staring out, and dream of our bodies swaying.
我在等。他们在黑暗中囚禁了我们如此之久，以至于我们已感觉不到自己的眼睑。我们像老鼠一样蜷缩睡成一团，目光投入虚空，梦见自己的身体不停晃动。
I know when one of the girls reaches a wall. She begins to pound and scream—there’s metal in the sound—but none of us help her. We've gone too long without speaking, and all we do is bury ourselves more into the dark.
我是在另一个女孩儿触到一面墙时恢复知觉的。她开始尖叫，捶打墙壁——从声音听来墙壁是金属制的——但我们之中没有一个人帮她。我们已在沉默中行进了很长时间，而我们唯一做的,就是将自己更深地埋入黑暗之中。
The doors open.
门被一齐打开。
The light is frightening. It’s the light of the world through the birth canal, and at once the blinding tunnel that comes with death. I recoil into the blankets with the other girls in horror, not wanting to begin or end.
这光亮令人战栗，它是照亮母亲产道的世界之光，但同时也是一条引向死亡的刺眼的通道.我跟其他女孩儿一起畏缩回了毯子里，不愿通过那道光,无论生死.
We stumble when they let us out; we’ve forgotten how to use our legs. How long has it been—days? Hours? The big open sky waits in its usual place.
他们让我们出去时，我们都磕磕绊绊的，腿脚都不听使唤了。过了多久了呢——几个小时？还是几天？巨大开阔的天空还是在它的老地方待着。
I stand in line with the other girls, and men in gray coats study us.
我跟其他的女孩儿排队站着，然后一个穿灰衣服的男人仔细打量我们。
I’ve heard of this happening. Where I come from, girls have been disappearing for a long time. They disappear from their beds or from the side of the road. It happened to a girl in my neighborhood. Her whole family disappeared after that, moved away, either to find her or because they knew she would never be returned.
我早已听说过这种事情。在我来的那个地方，长期以来已经有很多女孩儿消失了。她们或是从床上或是从路边，忽然就不见了踪影。我邻居家的一个女孩儿也发生过这种事情。她的一家随后全都搬走了，可能是去找她，也可能是知道她永远不会回来了。
Now it’s my turn. I know girls disappear, but any number of things could come after that. Will I become a murdered reject? Sold into prostitution? These things have happened. There’s only one other option. I could become a bride. I’ve seen them on television, reluctant yet beautiful teenage brides, on the arm of a wealthy man who is approaching the lethal age of twenty-five.
现在轮到了我。我知道女孩儿们失踪的事，但并不知道这之后发生了什么。我会被杀掉之后弃尸荒野，还是被卖进妓院？这种事屡见不鲜。面前只有一个额外的选项。我可以成为一位新娘。我早就在电视上看到过，那些十几岁的新娘被一个个即将达到25岁大限的有钱男人揽在怀里，虽然美丽依然却满脸的不情愿。
The other girls never make it to the television screen. Girls who don’t pass their inspection are shipped to a brothel in the scarlet districts. Some we have found murdered on the sides of roads, rotting, staring into the searing sun because the Gatherers couldn’t be bothered to deal with them. Some girls disappear forever, and all their families can do is wonder.
另外的女孩儿就永远不可能上电视屏幕了。没有通过他们检查的女孩儿会被运到红灯区的妓院去。她们中有些后来被我们找到了了，不过已经死在路边，尸体腐烂，双目直视着烈阳，收垃圾的人因为怕麻烦，不愿处理它们。有些女孩儿就此永远消失，而她们的家人除了惊愕之外无能为力。
The girls are taken as young as thirteen, when their bodies are mature enough to bear children, and the virus claims every female of our generation by twenty.
被带走的女孩儿都是13岁左右，她们的身体已经发育成熟，可以怀孩子，病毒使得我们这一代的女性都只有20岁的寿命。
Our hips are measured to determine strength, and our lips pried apart so the men can judge our health by our teeth. One of the girls vomits. She may be the girl who screamed. She wipes her mouth, trembling, terrified. I stand firm, determined to be anonymous, unhelpful.
他们测量我们的臀部以确定力量，撬开我们的嘴唇，好让那些男人根据我们的牙齿判断我们的健康状况。有一个女孩儿呕吐了。她可能就是那个尖叫的女孩儿。她擦着自己的嘴，害怕得瑟瑟发抖。我稳稳站住，决定装作既没有特点也没有用处。
I feel too alive in this row of moribund girls with their eyes half open. I sense that their hearts are barely beating, while mine pounds in my chest. After so much time spent riding in the darkness of the truck, we have all fused together. We are one nameless thing sharing this strange hell. I do not want to stand out. I do not want to stand out.
我觉得自己跟身边这些眼睛半睁的垂死女孩儿相比似乎活力太足了一点。我感到她们的心脏几乎没有搏动，而我的则在胸膛里猛跳。在卡车车厢的黑暗中度过如此之长的旅途之后，我们已经熔化到了一起。我们成了共同经历这陌生地狱的无名物体。千万别注意我，千万别注意我，我内心默念。
But it doesn’t matter. Someone has noticed me. A man paces before the line of us. He allows us to be prodded by the men in gray coats who examine us. He seems thoughtful and pleased. His eyes, green, like two exclamation marks, meet mine. He smiles. There’s a flash of gold in his teeth, indicating wealth. This is unusual because he’s too young to be losing his teeth. He keeps walking, and I stare at my shoes. Stupid! I should never have looked up. The strange color of my eyes is the first thing anyone ever notices.
可这没有用。有人已经注意到我了。是一个在我们的队列前踱步的男人。他听凭我们被那个灰衣男人戳来戳去，作测试。他看上去思想深邃，兴致高昂，绿色的眼珠就如两个感叹号。我们的视线相接，他笑了。他嘴里的金牙闪了一下，显出了他的财势。这是不同寻常的，因为他还远没到掉牙的年龄。他接着走过来，我盯着我的鞋子。我太蠢了！我根本就不该抬头。任何一个人一看到我都肯定会注意我眼睛的奇异颜色。
He says something to the men in gray coats. They look at all of us and then they seem to be in agreement. The man with gold teeth smiles in my direction again, and then he’s taken to another car that shoots up bits of gravel as it backs onto the road and drives away.
他向那个灰衣男人说了些什么。他们看了看我们所有的女孩儿，看上去好像达成了某种协议。那个金牙男人朝我这边又笑了笑，然后他被带进了另一辆车里，那车径直开回道路上，走了，车后卷起了一些沙砾。
The vomit girl is taken back to the truck, and a dozen other girls with her; a man in a gray coat follows them in. There are three of us left, the gap of the other girls still between us. The men speak to one another again, and then to us. “Go,” they say, and we oblige. There’s nowhere to go but the back of an open limousine parked on the gravel. We’re off the road somewhere, not far from the highway. I can hear the distant sounds of traffic. I can see the evening city lights beginning to appear in the distant purple haze. It’s nowhere I recognize; a road this desolate is far from the crowded streets back home.
那个呕吐的女孩被带回了卡车里，另外还有十几个女孩儿跟她一起被送了进去；一个灰衣男人跟着她们进了卡车。有三个女孩被留了下来，我们跟其他女孩儿之间被划分出了一道鸿沟。那些男人又彼此交谈了一阵，然后再度转向我们。“走”，他们命令道，强迫我们走开。我们唯一能去的地方是一辆豪华轿车的后车厢，这车泊在碎石子路上。我们在远离大路的某个地方，应该离高速公路不远。我能听到远处车辆往来的声音，还能看到遥远的城市开始在紫色的暮霭中发出光芒。我完全不认识这是什么地方；此地是一条早已废弃的道路，远离往日我回家时的拥挤街道。
Go.
走。
The two other chosen girls move before me, and I’m the last to get into the limousine. There’s a tinted glass window that separates us from the driver. Just before someone shuts the door, I hear something inside the van where the remaining girls were herded.
另外两个被选中的女孩儿走在我前面，我是最后一个进入那辆豪华轿车的。套色玻璃把我们同司机隔了开来。就在某人即将把车门关上的时候，我听到那辆集中了剩余女孩们的卡车里发出了一阵声音。
It’s the first of what I know will be a dozen more gunshots.
这是我第一次听到这种声音，后来我才知道，那是十几声枪响。
I awake in a satin bed, nauseous and pulsating with sweat. My first conscious movement is to push myself to the edge of the mattress, where I lean over and vomit onto the lush red carpet. I’m still spitting and gagging when someone begins cleaning up the mess with a dishrag.
我在一张铺着锦缎的床上醒转过来，满身大汗，心脏怦怦直跳，恶心得就要吐了。我的第一个下意识动作就是爬到床垫的边缘然后弯下腰去呕在了华丽的红地毯上。我吐个不停，喉咙都被堵得说不出话来了，直到有人拿着抹布来处理我吐出来的那一滩东西，我都没缓过来。
“Everyone handles the sleep gas differently,” he says softly.
“看来每个人对睡气的反应都不一样啊，”他语气柔和地说道。
“Sleep gas?” I splutter, and before I can wipe my mouth on my lacy white sleeve, he hands me a cloth napkin—also lush red.
“睡气？”我语无伦次地答了句。就在我打算用衣服的白色蕾丝边袖口擦嘴巴的时候，他递过来一块餐巾布——同样是华丽的红色。
“It comes out through the vents in the limo,” he says. “It’s so you won’t know where you’re going.”
“睡气是从那辆豪华轿车里面的排气口喷出来的，”他说道。“这样你们就不知道你们会去哪儿了。”
I remember the glass window separating us from the front of the car. Air tight, I assume. Vaguely I remember the whooshing of air coming through vents in the walls.
我记起了那扇把我们跟轿车前厢隔开的玻璃窗。当时车厢里里很闷，我估计是密封的。我依稀记得空气从车厢的墙上喷出来的嗖嗖声。
“One of the other girls,” the boy says, as he sprays white foam onto the spot where I vomited, “she almost threw herself out the bedroom window, she was so disoriented. The window’s locked, of course. Shatterproof.” Despite the awful things he’s saying, his voice is low, possibly even sympathetic.
“另外两个女孩儿中有一个，”这个男孩儿对着我刚刚呕吐过的那块地毯喷洒了白色的泡沫剂，一边擦洗着一边跟我说道，“差点就从窗户口撞了出去，她太没有判断力了。那窗户都是锁着的，而且装的是防碎玻璃。”尽管他给我讲的事情很糟糕，但是他的声音低沉，挺合我意。
I look over my shoulder at the window. Closed tight. The world is bright green and blue beyond it, brighter than my home, where there’s only dirt and the remnants of my mother’s garden that I’ve failed to revive.
我站在窗边仔细查看我的肩膀。窗子紧闭。透过窗户，外面的世界一片翠绿靛蓝，比我家要漂亮很多，要知道，我家花园里里只有我妈妈种的一些脏兮兮的残花，我花了好多时间也没能让它们复生。
Somewhere down the hall, a woman screams. The boy tenses for a moment. Then he resumes scrubbing away the foam.
楼下的大厅里，好像有个女人在尖叫。那个男孩儿紧张了片刻。然后他又继续擦洗地摊上的泡沫。
“I can help,” I offer. A moment ago I didn’t feel guilty about ruining anything in this place; I know I’m here against my will. But I also know this boy isn’t to blame. He can’t be one of the Gatherer men in gray who brought me here—he’s too young, possibly my age. Maybe he was also brought here against his will. I haven’t heard of teenage boys disappearing, but up until fifty years ago, when the virus was discovered, girls were also safe. Everyone was safe.
“我可以帮忙的，”我向他提议道。就在一会儿之前，我对破坏这个地方的任何东西都没有任何负罪感；我知道来这儿并非我愿。但是我同样知道这不是这个男孩儿的错。他不可能是那些穿着灰衣的“搜捕人”中的一员——他太年轻了，可能跟我差不多大。也许他来这里也不是出于己愿。我还从没听说过十几岁的男孩儿有莫名其妙地消失的，但是回溯到五十年前，病毒还没被发现的时候，女孩子们也很安全。每个人都很安全。
“No need. It’s all done,” he says. And when he moves the rag away, there’s not so much as a stain. He pulls a handle out of the wall, and a chute opens; he tosses the rags into it, lets go, and the chute clamps shut. He tucks the can of white foam into his apron pocket and returns to what he was doing. He picks up a silver tray from where he’d placed it on the floor, and brings it to my night table. “If you’re feeling better, there’s some lunch for you. Nothing that will make you fall asleep again, I promise.” He looks like he might smile. Just almost. But he maintains a concentrated gaze as he lifts a metal lid off a bowl of soup and another off a small plate of steaming vegetables and mashed potatoes cradling a lake of gravy. I’ve been stolen, drugged, locked away in this place, yet I’m being served a gourmet meal. The sentiment is so vile I could almost throw up again.
“没必要，弄完了。”他答道。等他把那些碎步头弄走之后，地毯上就只留下了一小块污点。他拉了一下墙上伸出来的一个把手，一条斜槽就自墙面上打开了，他把那些碎布倒进里面，让它们滑了下去，斜槽就又自动合上了。他把那个装白色泡沫的罐子收进了围裙口袋里，就又回身做自己的事。他从地板上拿起一个刚刚放好的银托盘，把它搁到了我的床头柜上。“如果你感觉好些了的话，我这儿为你准备了午餐。不会再有那种东西让你睡着了，我保证。“他看上去好像笑了一下。但只是好像而已。他全神贯注地盯着托盘，在我面前把上面各种佳肴的金属盖一一揭开，首先是一小碗汤，接着是一小盘热气腾腾的蔬菜，还有一盘肉汁衬底的土豆泥。我先是被掳走，又被下了药，锁着到了这个地方，然而现在的我正被伺候着享用一顿美食家级别的午餐。这种感觉真是糟透了，我几乎又要呕吐起来。
“That other girl—the one who tried to throw herself out the window—what happened to her?” I ask. I don’t dare ask about the woman screaming down the hall. I don’t want to know about her.
“还有一个女孩儿——那个想撞出窗子的女孩儿——她怎么样了？”我问道。我不敢问楼下大厅里那个尖叫的女孩儿的事儿。我不想知道她的事。
“She’s calmed down some.”
”她好像冷静了些。“
“And the other girl?”
“那还有一个女孩儿呢？“
“She woke up this morning. I think the House Governor took her to tour the gardens.”
“她今天早上就醒了。我猜主人带她游览花园去了。”
House Governor. I remember my despair and crash against the pillows. House Governors own mansions. They purchase brides from Gatherers, who patrol the streets looking for ideal candidates to kidnap. The merciful ones will sell the rejects into prostitution, but the ones I encountered herded them into the van and shot them all. I heard that first gunshot over and over in my medicated dreams.
房子的主人。我靠着枕头，心头又涌起一股绝望和崩溃的感觉。房子的主人拥有这幢宅邸。他们花钱从“搜捕队”的人手上买新娘，那些人整日在街道上游弋，寻找可人的女子进行绑架。仁慈一点的搜捕者会把不合要求的女孩子卖到妓院去，但是我碰到的这群搜捕队则是直接把她们赶到一部卡车里全部枪杀了。在我被“睡气”迷晕的这段时间里，我不停地做梦，那第一声枪响久久回荡在我的梦里。
“How long have I been here?” I say.
“我已经呆在这儿多久了？”我说道。
“Two days,” the boy says. He hands me a steaming cup, and I’m about to refuse it when I see the tea bagstring dangling over the side, smell the spices. Tea. My brother, Rowan, and I had it with our breakfast each morning, and with dinner each night. The smell is like home. My mother would hum as she waited by the stove for the water to boil.
“两天，”那男孩儿回答。他递过来一个冒着热气的杯子，我本打算拒绝，可是我闻到了杯子里冒出的茶香，看见了茶包的棉线缀在杯沿。茶。我的哥哥，罗文，还有我，以前每天早餐和晚餐的时候都要喝茶。这香气就像家的味道。我妈妈在等待炉上水烧开的时候会发出低声哼唱。
Blearily I sit up and take the tea. I hold it near my face and breathe the steam in through my nose. It’s all I can do not to burst into tears. The boy must sense that the full impact of what has happened is reaching me. He must sense that I’m on the verge of doing something dramatic like crying or trying to fling myself out the window like that other girl, because he’s already moving for the door. Quietly, without looking back, he leaves me to my grief. But instead of tears, when I press my face against the pillow, a horrible, primal scream comes out of me. It’s unlike anything I thought myself capable of. Rage, unlike anything I’ve ever known.
我恍惚地坐了起来，接过了茶杯，把它贴近脸，用力地呼吸冒出来的热汽，只有这样我才控制住自己的眼泪，不让自己哭出来。那个男孩儿一定是感觉到我正在经受这一连串事件带来的情绪冲撞。他肯定以为我情绪濒临崩溃，会像其他的女孩一样做些戏剧性的事，或者大哭或者去撞窗户，因为他走到了门边上，准备关门。他很安静地连头也没回就走了，把我一人留在房里独自悲伤。但是当我把头埋进枕头里之后，并没有流下眼泪，我发出了一声可怕的非常原始的尖叫。这种叫声就连我自己都从来没有意识到过我能发出来，我从来都不知道在这世界上还有一种尖叫叫作愤怒。
