清水里的刀子(中英文)
清水里的刀子
石舒清
(原发《人民文学》一九九八年第五期)
和自己在同一炕上滚了几十年的女人终于在主麻前头埋掉了。坟院里只不过添了一个新的坟包而已,这样一种朴素的结局,细想起来,真是惊心动魄。
马子善老人是最后一个走出坟院的,在走出坟院门的那一刹那,老人突然觉得自己的鼻腔陡然一酸,似乎听到一个苍老而又稳妥的声音附在自己的耳畔轻轻说:好啊,老东西,你命大,让你逃脱了,那么就再转悠上几天,再转悠上几天就回来,这里才是你的家.细想想,你在外面转的时间也不短,长的很了啊。
马子善老人诚恳地点着头,是啊是啊,实在是在外面混得太久了,把那样一个鲜活的婴儿,把那样一个强壮的青年混成目前这副样子,这使他觉得尴尬而辛酸。马子善老人记得,他是孩子的时候,村子小的象一个羊圈,坟院远没有现在大,但那时候的坟院也显得空空的。到如今村子已经很大了,坟院已经突破,成了眼下几乎和村子一样大的规模,而且里面密密麻麻地排列着坟堆,似乎几个村子的人都死光了埋在这里,但实际上随着死人越来越多活人也越来越多。马子善老人就在死人和活人都增多的过程里一天天一天天活到了七十多岁,衰老成了如今这副样子。
马子善老人有时在水面上看一看自己苍老的影子觉得不可理解,他真讲不清是什么将自己变化的如此苍老。坟头一多,连坟院里也似乎热闹了,这使马子善老人有些淡淡的失意,他喜欢空旷寂寥的坟院,喜欢坟头很少,大家相互珍惜着经历永恒的时间;坟头一多,使人觉得到这里以后会像外面那样勾心斗角,争争吵吵。但毕竟坟院比尘世要宁静得多,毕竟人们都在黄土下埋得很深,连串了邻近的门都是不可能的了。送葬的人都走尽了,院门外的浮土上印着很多的脚印,大家来时的脚印和去时的脚印重叠了,这样就使得许多脚印都失去了方向。人们走得多么快,只留下了一些模模糊糊的脚印,但终有一天人们要把自己留在这里的。谁都不免把自己留在这里的。日光倾泻在坟院里,使坟院像一个庞大的废墟。看这天空多么像一个大大的钟面啊,日头不过一根针,在这巨大的钟面上无休止的划来划去。
马子善老人突然感激自己鼻腔的那一酸楚了,不然自己会很忽略地走出坟院的,正是那一酸楚使自己留在了这样一个重要的位置上。坟院门上,这就是生死之门,人应该在这里多站站的。马子善老人觉得自己是那样渴望在这里多站一会儿,躲在坟院深处是不好的,毕竟自己还活着嘛,可是盲目地到尘世上去就更不好。去干什么呢?似乎就没有什么可干的。现在最好就是在这样的位置上多站一会儿,多想一会儿。想法很多的,想法会使人有一种觉悟的幸福。这么大的天空只有日头独自走长路实在是太孤单了,马子善老人看看日头觉得日头很孤单。孤单着也好,有时候奇怪地觉得孤单着也是一种福分。马子善老人回头看了看坟院,只这么一会,老婆坟头的土已没有刚才那么新鲜了,他想起自己将老婆用一匹小青驴从南山里驮来给自己当媳妇的事,老婆头上戴着红纱,两只鞋面上绣满花的脚在铜镫里摆着,随着铜镫一荡一荡,让人的心生出化雪的感觉,那时侯想不到那样年轻好看的媳妇最终会归宿于这样一个坟包。马子善老人轻轻叹一口气,应该在这里多走走的,应该在这里多看才是,这里才是家。那个用血肉温暖了一辈子几辈子的家如今不是自己的了,那是儿子孙子他们的家了。但儿子孙子们不久也会到这里来的,那么这个家究竟是谁的家呢?马子善老人想,该找李乡长讲讲了,该给自己要一块地皮了,得好好找一块长眠之地,不然,草率地一死,让人埋到一个窄狭处,可就坏了。马子善老人突然非常地渴盼能知道自己什么时候死,他站在坟院门口喃喃自问,主啊,我究竟在几时呢?你能悄悄地告知我吗?四周一片寂静,坟院里的风微凉地掠过他的脸面,有些竟吹入他耳朵的深处。他想自己若是知道自己归真的一刻,那么提前一天,他就会将自己洗得干干净净的,穿一身洁洁爽爽的衣裳,然后去跟一些有必要告别的人告别,然后自己步入坟院里来,找到自己的长眠之地,含着清泪,诵着《古兰经》,听任自己的生命像和风那样一丝丝吹尽。想到必死无疑的自己连自己什么时候死都不知道,想到自己会在豪无准备的情况下死掉,他突然觉得一种异常的伤感与恐惧。他想起一句人们常说的话来,尤其那些善说大话的人也这样说,那些人,在他们说了一世界大话之后,突然会说,我除了不知道我几时死,再啥我不知道呢?听听,再善于讲大话的人,他也不知道他几时死。
回到家里,耶儿古拜还拿着他母亲的照片抽抽噎噎地哭着。他想劝劝儿子,又没劝,劝也是白劝。他想,儿子若到了自己这个年龄就不会因亡人而哭了。自己若在儿子那个年龄,大概也还是要哭的。这都是自然的事。儿子见他回来了,就眼泪巴嚓地过来问他,如何搭救亡人。这里都是这样信仰的,亡人一入土,冥冥处就开始拷问他(她)的罪过了,亡人都有一个罪人的身份。因而活着的亲属就得施行一些搭救亡人的仪式。有钱人家,搭救的排场是很大的,但人还是贫寒之家居多。那么宰一只鸡,烙两个油馕,也还是不比有钱人家差的。阿訇们说,有时候举念一枚枣,比举念一峰骆驼都贵重。但实际上人们还是看中骆驼,觉得骆驼贵重。人们也毕竟都是很世俗的,毕竟觉得宰一峰骆驼的搭救效力也远远强过宰一只鸡。儿子眼泪巴嚓地来问他如何搭救时他说,量力而行吧,七七的日子上点一根香,烙两个油馕就成了。儿子说,别的都可以将就,四十不能将就啊,四十日那天来的人多,不要说宰一只鸡,宰一只羊都不行,人笑话呢。他说,宰羊不行你还要宰啥。这样说时他突然想到家里那头老牛,他的心猛地一紧,什么都说不出来了。儿子又落下眼泪来,说,大,我妈苦了一辈子,活的时节没活上个好,殁了,咱们要把亡人当个事呢。
他什么都没说,他担心什么一般闭着眼睛,似乎老牛就在他闭着的眼睛里了,悠闲地摇着干燥的尾巴。静了片刻,儿子说,大,我想,咱们那个牛,也老了,再买个嘛咱们也没钱,你看……他就觉得自己的心上被一只漆黑的拳头捣了一下。他凉凉地看了儿子一眼,说,把他宰了,地拿啥犁?儿子声音很低地说,它还能犁几年呢?是啊,老黄牛确乎是老了,经它拉朽的犁都有好几副了,还指望它能犁多少地?而且它活着也不过是个犁地而已。它最终就能免去一刀之劫吗?宰就宰了吧,他听到自己心里凉凉地说。但儿子似乎听到了,他看见儿子点了点头。他心里有什么东西具有力度地纠缠着,又像是空空如也。
耶尔古拜牵着老黄牛走到西边的墙角下,清晨的阳光照亮了墙壁和牛的一部分,使牛身有着两样颜色。在光里的那一部分黄着,显得干燥,处在阴影中的部分却是紫色,显得厚重。牛那么温驯,耶尔古拜用一根指头粗的草绳子就牵走了它。它不缓不疾地走着,像是驮着什么极重的担子,又像是悟到了什么一样显得旷达而随意,它和耶尔古拜之间的草绳软软地垂着,其实不是耶尔古拜在牵它,而是它跟着耶尔古拜走着罢了。它走到墙根下,就像一座山那样稳稳地站住了。阳光落在它那阔大的脸上,它微眯着眼,不疾不缓,悠闲而舒适地反刍着,显得自在而受用。耶尔古拜端了一大盆清水来,他这些日子每天都要把牛洗一次,这样老牛像是穿了新衣裳,显得稍稍年轻与精神了一些。耶尔古拜用一把大刷子蘸了清水洗着牛身,洗得很是详尽,他还把洗衣粉洒在牛身上,把牛脖子里的褶皱用手指舒展开来洗着,把它的尾巴搭在自己的肩上,洗着他的臀部,他把牛蹄子都洗到了,他把女儿缺了齿的梳子拿来,将牛尾浸湿,然后像好看的女子梳理自己的长发那样梳着长长的牛尾。牛微闭着眼睛,忘我的享受着对它无微不至的洗浴,似乎这个被洗着的身体不是它的一样。耶尔古拜把牛洗净,用一领干净的毛巾擦干它,然后站在远处欣赏它。他很满意地点着自己的头。洗完牛,他就抱来新铲的鲜草给它吃,看着肥嫩的苦苦菜叶被牛大口大口香甜地吃着,看着牛干瘪瘪的肚子有些夸张的鼓起来,耶尔古拜真是很有着一种难以言述的喜悦。他对母亲的强烈的情感与念想都将寄托在这牛身上了。他觉得自己不是在伺候一头牛,而是虔诚地侍奉着自己敬重的一位老人。自从举意在母亲的四十祀日要用这头牛时,他就觉得这头牛已超越了其他一切牛,这头被举念了的牛已有了一种独特的品质与意义。它将携带使命去拯救苦海中因自己的罪行而受难的亡灵。耶尔古拜有时用心地洗着这牛,莫名其妙地有着一种感动,有几次更是匪夷所思,他突然想对着这牛,泪雨婆娑地喊一声娘,这愿望竟是那样强烈,使他几乎不能抑制。他觉得自己这么多年竟是把牛看轻了,牛有着博大而宽容的心灵,他觉得牛实在是一种了不起的生命。宰一只鸡怎么能跟牛相提并论?他真心地觉得,宰一头品质卓越的牛实在是能免却一分很大的灾难。他一点也不怀疑这头牛对他母亲的巨大作用。他觉得举念之后,她就不是在人间的生命了,他一定会归宿到一个令人向往的地方。一只鸡可以生活在群星后面的天庭里吗?不能的,但一头牛却能。牛可以凭着它不改的忠厚和善良堂而皇之地走进一切巨大的宫殿之门。因此耶尔古拜像干着一件神圣的事业那样伺候着这头牛,使它一天一天健壮起来,一天一天地年轻起来。耶尔古拜看着,心里有着难以言述的感动与狂喜。当牛大口大口地吃着鲜嫩的草时,马子善老人偶尔也会走过来,蹲在一旁看牛吃草,他脸上的表情没有耶尔古拜那样鲜明。他对耶尔古拜说,瞅它这吃,就像它还能活一千年。然后不待儿子说什么,拿起一大朵肥嫩的苦苦菜,将一片菜叶脆脆地折裂,立即溢出稠稠的奶汁来,马子善老人皱皱眉,说,唔,这么多的奶。
就这样,四十的日子一天一天像一大团阴影那样悄然逼近了。
四十日的前三天,晨光给高高的树梢上淡淡地涂了一抹金色。无数的麻雀在巨大的树冠里异常激越地吵着,让人的心里荡开一粼一粼很温馨的银波。马子善老人正在离树冠较近的高房子里精心的粘《古兰经》,经典历时久了,纸质已经泛黄,而且轻若鸿毛,但上面的字迹却似愈加清晰。突然耶尔古拜跑上来有些焦灼地说,老牛吃也不吃了,喝也不喝了,昨夜里放在槽里的清水与鲜草原模原样地放着。马子善老人的心强烈地一动,他把没有粘好的经典摊开在桌面上有阳光的地方晒着,自己匆匆随儿子来到了牛棚。牛棚盖在大门的外面,平时看不出,这一刻才发现这牛棚有着一些缝隙,一些金叶似的阳光从那些缝隙里照进来,很短,往往在空间就莫名其妙地消失了。牛棚里很干净,有着一种使人感动的牛粪气息。牛安静端庄地站在那里像一个穿越了时空明澈了一切都老人。它依然在不缓不疾、津津有味地反刍着,它平静淡泊地目光好象是看见了什么,又像是什么也无意看。它的肚子明显有些瘪。槽里有一盆清水,清得像能生出莲花来,显然,这水没有动过,盆旁边是草,显然也没有动过,一夜之间,那么鲜嫩的草有些蔫了。大,你看,这水,它一口都没喝,还有草,都没吃。儿子有些焦灼地说。牛像是没有看到他们父子俩,它投入而又忘我地反刍着自己的东西。儿子突然问他说,大,是不是……他知道儿子要说什么,他的鼻腔深处强烈地一酸,喉头处像硬硬地梗了一个什么硬物,他觉得自己的泪水带着一股温热迅疾地流下来了,他连忙转过头,有些踉跄地疾疾地走了出来。日头升高了一些,光星像凌乱的雪花那样扑面而来,他低下头像在风里面似地走着,上了高房子,麻雀吵得愈加热烈。他坐在炕边上,两手蒙住脸,感觉泪水在指缝里流出来了。他说不清自己为什么要流泪,更说不清自己为什么竟有那么多的泪,似乎还有要哭出声来的欲望。终于呜呜咽咽地哭出来了,心像大海那样激情难抑,心里满满地都是感动。耶尔古拜诧异地出现在门口,阳光使他的正面显得很暗,见父亲那样,他显得有些无措,很快又走下去了。麻雀们不知受到了什么重要的打击,轰一声响,骂咧咧地飞了,余下几只在树里,有些胆怯和猜测地鸣着。马子善老人不能自抑地哭了一会儿,感到自己像激流那样平缓了下来,他有着大病初愈那样伤感而美好的心境。他觉得有些罪过,把这么了不起的一个生命竟忽略了,竟像畜生那样役使了它几十年。想起犁地时候他打在它背上的鞭子,他觉得愧疚而难过,如果谁用鞭子打他相同的数量以示惩罚,他一定会很乐意很感激的。还想起一件事来,那就是牛一边拉着犁走一边扬起尾巴拉粪,当时觉得没什么,渐渐就觉得这真是过于残忍了,我们人连一个拉粪的机会都不会给它,在它拉粪的时候我们还不放过它,还在役使它——哪里知道它竟是这样一个高贵的生命!马子善老人又想起槽里的那盆净无纤尘的清水,那水在他眼前晃悠着,似乎要把他的眼睛和心灵淘洗个清清净净。那是一盆怎样的水啊。在那样清澈的水里,果真有一把银光幽幽的刀子吗?记得老人们都讲过的,说牛这样的生命是大牲,如果举念端正,把牛能用到好路上,那么,这头牛在献出自己的生命之前,会在饮它的清水里看到与自己有关的那把刀子,自此就不吃不喝了。显然,这头不吃不喝的老牛是看到自己的那把刀子了,就在它面前的那盆清水里看见了。马子善老人真切地觉到一种难言的强烈的震动,他那样不能自禁地要为此流一些眼泪。
过了一天,过了两天,牛还是不吃,盆里的水有些浑了,草也蔫得像野风吹过一样,牛肚子触目惊心地瘪了下去。两个后胯那里有着两个深坑,里面可以卧两只母鸡了。但牛依旧静静地立着,双眼微闭,依旧在轻轻地反刍着。没有什么可以质疑的了。这了不起的生命,它竟然这样的韬光隐晦,竟为人役使地度过了自己艰辛的一生。马子善老人心里有了一种驱之不散的肃穆。只要他一闭眼,在他内部的视野里,就有一盆清得让人像涟漪那样微微颤栗的水,在这水里,慢慢就会生出一把世所罕见的刀子,在清水的深处像一种暗藏的秘密那样不断地向你闪悠着银光。马子善老人感恩地点着自己的头,泪水在他的脸上流着,他喃喃说,你比我强,你知道你的死,可是我不知道。他记得老人们讲过,像牛这样的大牲,看到清水里的刀子后,就不再吃喝,为的是让自己有一个清洁的内里,然后清清洁洁地归去。原来是这样的一种生命!
这两天里,飞散的麻雀又聚在树梢上了,马子善老人把翻阅破了的经典精心粘好,放在桌面上,大大的玻璃窗上,阳光照进来,像金子那样的阳光落在大大的桌面上,落在摊开的古老的经典上。
马子善老人坐在高房子外面,纷乱的麻雀声像阳光下的雨泡儿明明灭灭个无休无止。他浴在阳光里,想起年轻的时候,老牛还不老,也还年轻,和他一般有着暴烈的脾气,不时就将自己那样一个健壮而沉重的身子腾起在半空,在半空里有力而又极度紧张地扭曲一下,它后面还是拖着犁的啊,就将地犁得乱七八糟,马子善老人欣慰地想着这些,喃喃说,原谅我吧,咱们都有过年轻的时候嘛。然而最令他伤痛不已的是,牛知道它的死,他贵而为人,却不能知道。
明天就是四十祀日了。这些日子阳光总是出奇的好。人总觉得自己是被置身在一个阳光的世界里。耶尔古拜拿了一把刀子来给他磨。刀子足有一尺多长,长久地不用,上面已生了红锈。但刀子是可以磨得锋利的。他借了村里最好的磨石来,灌了一铜汤瓶清水,把清水倒在磨石上,磨石上就显出了一篇碑文。他想他一定要把刀子磨好,红锈在清水里像血丝那样迟疑地流动着,他想他一定要把刀子磨出银子那样的光来。他突然想牛在清水里看到的刀子,是自己磨的这一把吗?一定是的,还能是哪一把呢?因此一定要把手里这把刀子磨得和清水里那把一模一样,不然就对不起那不凡的生命啊。他一边用力地磨着刀子,一边看见自己的眼里有亮亮的东西掉下来,溅到青青的磨石上和耀眼的刀刃上,儿子走过来对他讲什么,他不抬头,儿子就走了。
那天夜里星星密缀了天空,使整个天空显得沉甸甸的。没有风,偶或撞到极细微的一丝,倒给人一种担心与警觉。夜深的时候,马子善老人顶着满天星光悄然钻到牛棚里去,直到寺里喊邦克时才钻出来,他的脸有些苍白。那时候星星已落掉不少,像被摘去果子的枝头那样,天空显得比深夜时轻渺了许多。耶尔古拜已经起来扫院子了。马子善老人对他说,家里的事你看着弄吧,我去县上买些调和之类的东西。耶尔古拜说,大,今儿你不能走啊。但马子善老人走了。一直到日落他才回来,他的脸总之是有些苍白,他先到牛棚里转了一圈,然后他像是下了一个决心,他走进门里去了,但他很快站住了,他看见一个硕大的牛头在院子里放着,牛头正向着他,他不知道牛的后半个身子哪里去了。他觉得这牛是在一个难以言说的地方藏着,而只是将头探了出来,一脸的平静与宽容,眼睛像波澜不兴的湖水那样睁着,嘴唇若不是耷在地上,一定还要静静地反刍的。他有些惊愕,他从来没见过这么一张颜面如生的死者的脸。
Knife in the Clean Water
Translated by Jeff
1. In the graveyard
Having slept on a kang with him for years, Ma Zishan, his wife, died before Friday - a very good day for Muslims to die and to be buried. All that remained was a new tomb, and nothing seemed special.
The death of a one is a shock even though it is universal.
Having buried his wife, Ma Zishan came out of the graveyard alone. The moment he stepped out of the gate, he felt some essence seeping directly through his nose into his heart, a desolated and reliable voice bleating to him: “Ok, old man, you are lucky. You have escaped this time. I will give you a few days to go on wandering about. Come back at a later time. Here is your destination. I think you should be conscious as you have been staying outside for quite a long time, and you should know this.”
It seemed that Ma understood it. He nodded faithfully to nobody and murmured: “Ah…I have been wandering about for a long time. I have been changed from a lively baby into a strong young man, and in my dotage now”. Thinking of what had happened, he felt quite embarrassed, tired and drained.
Ma remembered clearly of his childhood, the whole village was as small as a sheepcote, so was the graveyard. Now it was a real village. The graveyard was enlarged like a village with lots of graves lying about. It seemed as if all the villagers in his village had been buried here. In fact, some had passed away, and some have come and are coming to make up even more.
At this great change, Ma arrived to his seventies. He became a very old man. Those who were dead, if still alive, could hardly recognize him. Sometimes, he couldn’t accept the image he saw in the mirror, and he didn’t know and didn’t understand what had made him such an old man.
The yard seemed to become busier when more graves added, but Ma felt chilly. He liked to live in a yard, which was empty with few graves. He thought these inhabitants might cherish their eternal time here together. The more graves, he believed it would reflect the lives outside, the more quarrels and disputes. After all, it was quieter than outside, as people were living inured and were earth-bound. It was impossible for them to visit each other.
People, who attended the funeral, had all gone back, only some footprints left faintly there on the road.
Some prints going and coming were superimposed, so that their directions were also lost. How quickly they had been walked on, and there were only now some faint prints left. One day, Ma believed, they would all relinquish themselves here in the graveyard, in the grave, and no one could escape.
Sunshine, pouring on the graveyard, made it a wasteland. The sky looked more like a face of a huge clock covering the Sun as a drop of time dripped constantly above the huge clock face.
Ma looked at the Sun. He suddenly began to appreciate his nose. It made him stand here for a few minutes otherwise he would have left it all gone out of the yard quickly.
The gate of the graveyard kept the living and the dead apart. People ought to stay around for longer. Ma knew that it was not good to hide yourself in the yard when you were still alive, and it was even worse to live blindly outside. What were you going to do outside yard? There was nothing needed to do in fact. It was best for you to stand by and think something for a few minutes. Some unexpected happiness would then emerge if you thought for a moment here.
It is so lonely for the Sun to walk about in such a huge sky. Looking at the Sun, Ma found it was still hanging there alone. Sometimes people were happy to be alone.
Ma went back and looked at his wife’s grave. Only in a short while, the earth on the grave was not new any more.
Long ago, Ma couldn’t remember the time, but he remembered the day, when he drove a little black donkey to greet his bride. His lovely wife-to-be was riding on the donkey with a red veil covering her face. She was young and beautiful at that time, but now there only a grave remained. What a sad end!
Ma sighed deeply for the death and the unpreventable change of human beings. He said to himself that he should come frequently here to visit his wife, friends and relatives, as it were his destination.
Ma was living in a village, his house to which he was devoted with blood and flesh, was not his after all.
Whose was it, then?
Ma decided to talk to Mr. Li, who was in charge of the village business in the mosque, about a place for him to live in the graveyard after his death. He really needed a good place to lie down after his death, or if he died accidentally, he might be buried in a narrow place, which would sadden him.
Thinking of this, Ma wanted very much to know when he would die. He stood at the gate of the yard speaking to himself: “oh, my Allah, when will I come and see you? Can you tell me? ”
It was very quiet in the graveyard. Wind coolly skimmed over him, some even into his ears. He decided to change his clothes. He wanted to be wearing some very clean and tidy clothes, then say goodbye to those to whom he must say farewell, and came back to the yard. He wanted to find a place belonging to him and lie down silently with tears in the eyes murmuring the Alcoran piously, let his life extinguish naturally in the wind.
When Ma found he would die but he didn’t know when and how, he was suddenly covered with a sort of strange sadness and dread.
Someone once said, especially one who often boasted, that he knew everything except the date of his death.
Look, even those boasters give in to death because they don’t know their time of nullity.
2. At home
When Ma came back home, he saw his son, Yelgube was crying with his mother’s deceased portrait in his hands. Ma wanted to console him, but he didn’t: he thought it was unnecessary. If his son were at his age, in his seventies, he would not cry for death.
Yelgube came up to him, tears in his eyes, and asked his father what they should do to ease his mother’s guilt.
It is an Islamic torah that people would be punished after death. The dead all are criminals, they believe, in their religion. Those who are still alive should try their best to rescue the dead with some special rite. For those who are rich, they could have a ceremony and extravagance to show off and rescue, for the poor, and after all. Most people are poor, they could sacrifice a cock, and make some oil bread, which is enough.
An Imam once said, if you were religious, preparing a jujube could be more precious and valuable than sacrificing a camel. But whoever is temporal, he feels, of course, it is better to sacrifice a camel than only a cock.
When his son Yelgube asked him of the rite, Ma said it didn’t matter. In a 7-day rite, they could make some oil cake and light some sachet, which is also a custom of Muslims to pray and commemorate.
Yelgube didn’t agree with his father. “In those 40 days, or on other 7-day rite, we could be simple, but in the last one, we can’t be so plain, or others, especially our relatives, will laugh at us,” said Yelgube, “a cock, or a sheep is not sufficient.”
“Then what would you like to do?” Ma asked. Suddenly he thought of his old cattle in the manger. He felt tense in his mind and could say nothing.
“Da (a form of address to his father in Muslim family, China), my mum has devoted herself to this family and she didn’t enjoy her life and died so quickly, now, we have to do something to console her.”
Ma closed his eyes and said nothing. Ma often closed his eyes when he felt worried. But at this moment, he simply closed his eyes. His old ox would come quickly before his eyes, shaking its dry tail in a leisurely manner.
“Da, how about that old ox?” asked Yelgube, “as we don’t have enough money to buy another one, well, say…”
Ma felt someone from somewhere he didn’t know, beating him heavily with a big black fist. He could not agree with his son, Ma glanced at Yelgube coldly: “if we kill it, what shall we use to plough the field then?”
“How long will it plough for us?” Yelgube dared not talk back to his father. He said this in a very low voice, “it is too old”.
The farm ox was really old. Ma didn’t know how many ploughs the ox had broken and used up. The ox had been used to plough the field all its life. Finally, it couldn’t escape from being killed. Ma decided to kill it for his wife.
“Ok,” Ma said coldly.
Yelgube nodded, but there seemed to be something tugging at Ma’s heartstrings.
3. Preparing for the last 7-day rite
Yelgube led the field ox waking along the wall in the morning. The wall and the ox were half covered in the Sunshine, reflecting two different colors on the ox.
One in the Sunshine was yellow and a bit dry, the other in the shadow was purple and thick. The ox was a docile mammal, Yelgube only used a grass rope pulling it. The field ox walked in a leisurely manner after Yelgube. It seemed that the ox was laboring under a very heavy burden or it had discerned something else of a more mel-physical nature.
The ox walked to the wall like a mountain locating there, narrowing its eyes and ruminating leisurely and cozily in the Sunshine, which seemed very immediate and real.
Yelgube was washing the ox very carefully with a big brush, some fresh water with clean oils. Since the day he had decided to kill the ox for his mother, Yelgube washed it everyday. After each ablution, the ox looked as if it were wearing a new coat and appeared very young and strong. Yelgube washed every part of the ox very carefully, even its toes and buttocks. The cattle, half-closing its eyes, enjoyed yelgube’s meticulous washing which reached through not to its body but to someone that nobody knew. When Yelgube finished washing, he would take out a towel and wipe the ox over its body. Then he would look at the ox nearby nodding his head again and again with satisfaction. Afterwards he took some newly shoveled grass to feed the animal. The ox ate very heartily and with delight and its stomach swelled quickly. Seeing this, Yelgube felt happier than he could describe, because he had imposed all of his love and yearning of his mother onto the ox. He thought he was not looking after the ox but indeed his dearest mother. Since the day he had resolved to kill the cattle for his mother, he considered that the ox had surpassed all other species, even that it was no longer an ox any more. It had some special character and meaning for Yelgube.
The ox in promise to be sacrificed for his mother, would receive this order to save his mother and to endure hardship for her of her sin and guilt.
He felt inexplicably moved when he was washing the ox.
Sometimes, he couldn’t help wanting to call the ox “Mum”, on impulse which was very strong and almost insuppressible.
For years, he had been looking down upon the ox, but it was a great animal with a broad and merciful soul.
We couldn’t mention killing a cock in the same breath as an ox. He found that killing the ox could release the dead from a big debt. Yelgube didn’t suspect the ox’s value to his mother. Since the day it had started to be prepared for his mother, the ox was not an ox any longer. It was instead doomed to go somewhere that people dreamed about.
Could a cock live in heaven, which was in the sky at the back of stars? No, but an ox could. The cattle could proudly walk into the gate of heaven with his faith and kindness. That was why Yelgube now considered looking after the ox as a holy task.
Day by day, the cattle became stronger and younger.
When Ma Zishi saw the ox ate the grass so heartily, he would go up to the ox and sit next to it contentedly.
“Have a look at it, it could live over a thousand years,” Ma said to his son.
The rite of the death came nearer and nearer as the days went as smoothly as a big black shadow.
4. The ox fasted
The sunshine faintly colored the branches in the trees. Many sparrows were singing in the trees in front of the Ma’s house. It was three days before his wife’s 40 days-death rite. Ma was carefully affixing an Alcoran in a small room, which was very close to the top of the tree.
Suddenly Yelgube ran up in the room anxiously.
“Da, the cattle is fasting, it has stopped eating and drinking.”
Ma was severely shocked for a moment. He put the glued Alcoran in the Sunlight and went down quickly to the manger.
The manger was out of his yard, next to the gate. Some sections of sunshine coming into the manger, looked like some golden leaves shining in the apertures, short, and then they disappeared in the air.
The manger was very clean with a strong smell of ox dung. The ox was there like an old man who had transcended time and space and knew what was in the future and past. The ox was still ruminating. It seemed as if it were looking at something, carelessly yet also with care. Its stomach was flat. A big bucket of eau douse was very clean, so clean that some lotus flowers could grow in it. Obviously, the ox hadn’t eaten or drunk. Overnight, the grass on the ground was a bit dry.
“Look Da, it hasn’t drunk and eaten.” Yelgube said roily.
The ox seemed just not to see them there, still devoted to ruminating casually.
“Da, ” asked Yelgube, “does it…?”
Ma knew what his son Yelgube would say to him. He felt very sad and something hard and stiff had blocked his throat. Tears with some warmth were running quickly out of his eyes. He turned his back and walked out of the manger.
The sun was rising up and hanging in the sky. Sunbeams were flying like snowflakes in their eyes. Ma walked up to his room quickly.
The sparrows were singing even more loudly and sadly, Ma sat on the Kang, and covered his face with his hands, tears coming out through his fingers. He didn’t know why and what he cried for, he didn’t know why he had these tears, and cried even louder. He couldn’t keep back his tears and he was very moved by the thought of his old friend, the ox.
Yelgube came up to the room and stood at the door, looking at his father questioningly. Seeing his father was crying, he felt perplexed and ran downstairs.
Sparrows in the trees, suddenly, shocked by something Ma couldn’t know, ran away, and left only a few criticizing and quarrelling about nothing.
Ma cried for a moment, and felt a little bit comfortable. He felt as if he was just recovering from
sort of illness. He was wracked by the guilt of having ignored a wiser being, and using it to work for him as a brute for decades.
When Ma thought of his beating with whip on the ox’s back with a whip while it was tiredly ploughing in the field, he became even more guilty and sad. If someone, at that moment beat him as he had done to the ox, he would feel grateful and pleased. He clearly remembered the poor ox would shit and plough. At that moment, he felt nothing at all, but begin to perceive that people were so brutal. He hadn’t even given them the time to shit. He never considered it such a significant life.
Water, very clean in the bucket, swashing quietly in Ma’s eyes, seemed to clean up his heart and eyes.
How limpid the water was! Was there really a knife shining in the limpid water? His grandfather had said there would be a sharp knife that the ox could see in the bucket if we prepared properly for it. Before being killed, the ox would fast and not have something to eat till death if it really saw the knife that would be used to kill it. Apparently the ox had seen the knife, which would be used to kill it in the bucket. Ma was intensely shocked. Ma could not help crying for the ox and this strange phenomenon.
One day, two days had passed, but the ox ate nothing.
The water was not clean in the bucket and the grass became very dry. The ox’s stomach was obvious empty and a cavity on its back that two hens could lay eggs in.
The ox was standing still, its eyes closed, was ruminating. There was nothing for Ma to suspect any longer. He felt even guiltier for driving such a great being to work for him all its life. Ma was filled with deep respect in his mind that he couldn’t remove.
Once he closed his eyes, there was a bucket of clean water, nearly pure and limpid, quivering in his eyes.
In the water, there gradually came out an unusual knife glistening like silver hidden secretly in the water somewhere not easily found. Ma nodded quiescently and gratefully with tears on his face.
“You are better than I, my old ox,” Ma spoke to himself, “you know when you will die, but I don’t”.
Ma knew some animals such as ox, camel and so on, when they saw the knife in the eau douce they would fast in order to keep their internal organs clean and wait to die very cleanly.
Recently, more sparrows came and lived in the trees next to Ma’s house. Alcoran, which Ma had carefully repaired, was on the table in the sunshine through the window like some gold lying there.
In the sunlight, Ma recalled his youth. The ox, also very young, had had a very bad temper. It often pulled him up and fell down heavily on the ground with the plough afterwards. The field, because of their plough, was so untidy. “Please forgive me, my friend, ” Ma said again, “after all, we were both young and foolish.” What made him even sadder was that he didn’t know when he would die but the ox did.
5. End: The ox slaughtered
It would be the 40-day anniversary of his wife’s death the next day. In those days, the world was in sunshine all the time. Ma Zishan was sharpening a knife, about one foot long, some red rust was on it because it had not been used for a long time, but it could be easily sharpened. Ma suddenly asked himself:
“is this the knife the ox had seen in the water?”
“It must be, there isn’t another one.” So he sharpened it very seriously. He thought, he must sharpen it in the very same way as the one the ox saw in the bucket, or he would feel sorry for the poor cattle. He couldn’t keep back his tears again, dropping brightly on the edge of the knife.
Yelgube came up to say something to his father Ma, Ma didn’t look up because of tears in the eyes.
At that night, sprinkling stars made the sky a bit heavy. There was no strong but very light wind breezing, which made people a bit worried and panic.
Late at night, Ma went into the manger and didn’t come out till the next early morning when people began to go to the mosque to worship. Ma looked pale. There were few stars in the sky, and the sky looked like a branch without a fruit in, it was much lighter than the deep night.
Yelgube had got up to sweep the yard. His father Ma said: “I am going to buy some ingredients for cooking, I will leave all other house-holds for you.”
“Da, please don’t go today, we need your help.”
Yelgube said.
Ma didn’t say a word, he went into the house and took out a white towel.
“Before killing the ox, cover its eyes.”
“Da, you shouldn’t go today.”
Ma went to the county to buy something for the family.
He didn’t come back till the late afternoon. He looked still pale. Ma, first, went into the manger and had a look, then he made a resolution as he came into the yard. At the gate, Ma stopped. He saw a big head lying on the ground looking at him. He didn’t know where ox’s body was. It seemed as if it was hidden in somewhere nobody knew, only a head there, looked calm and merciful. Its staring eyes looked like some water in the lake. Its mouth was on the ground otherwise it would still be ruminating silently. Ma was astonished.
He had never seen such a dead face still alive.
Understanding the meaning of the modern Chinese Novel Knife in the clean water
Review of the Chinese Novel
The story “Knife in the Clear Water” was written by Shi Shuqingi – Mr. Rock in direct translation of his surname. One finds equivalent surname in English. This story was written by Shi Shuqing, a middle aged (born in 1969) man from South of Ningxia Haiyuan county, where over 70% of locals are Hui Muslims. After his graduation from a teachers’ training collage, he became my English teacher in Junior school. We had 3 years of being together, he was a teacher, I was a student between 1989 and 1992. In these three years, after teaching us English, he was with us in the classroom, accompanying us doing our self-study, he wrote stories about his hometown, a small Muslims living village. After finishing the writing, he would share with us by walking around the classroom and reading what he wrote.
Shi Shuqing became famous for his story “Knife in the Clear Water”, a short novel about Hui Muslims understanding of death through a sacrifice of a cattle or bull. This novel attracted a variety of readers, awards and applause as well. The novel began with the passing of an aged man’s (death of his) wife. His description was his wife, a woman has been rolling in the same “kang” (earthen bed) for (ages) about five decades, died, and there increased one more tomb in the cemetery. The author presented his idea that a woman’s death was a common phenomenon that we human beings encountered naturally. It seems that this is a common and simple destination, yet this death leaves a series of settings that continued the novel. Death, from his description, leaves the reader kind of prepared, understood and quiet attitude, that also was what the aged man, Ma Zishan his attitude towards death. He lost his wife, he didn’t cry, he accepted it naturally with sophistication. But the author put Ma Zishan in front of the cemetery gate, symbolically the gate from life to death, where for those who were alive, could come and go easily, but for the dead, only one way in, without the way out. Ma Zishan was sure that one day, he would have the same fate, same destination. Standing in front of the gate, where it reminded him of his life, a quick experience from child to the old, which Ma Zishan felt embarrassed, bitter and sad. This kind of psychological reaction merely happened only when people sent the death to the cemetery, but for most people without experiencing this, were unconscious or indifferent to this.
His emotion lingered around from tomb yard to village, people died and was born, came and went, made his lost, lost in questioning why people should not stop those meaningless conflicts, the destination was no doubt clearly there. It seems it is a simple topic, yet philosophically the author brought readers into a deep thinking on what should be done while being alive, the meanings of life, and the correct behavior and attitude towards life. Rhetorically the author, from Ma Zishan’s eye, told readers that his wife, used to be a young and beautiful wife, resulted with a tomb in the cemetery. The fate we all should pay attention to, the home we have made endeavor to build up with sweat and energy, would finally be left over for the offspring, well believe or not, the offspring, their final destination was the cemetery as well.
The final and true home was but the tomb and cemetery. As long as we all clearly understand this, we might feel indifferent to the meanings of life, but Ma Zishan tried to go beyond this psychological reaction, and he really was eager to know when he would die, because he didn’t like to finish his life without any preparation. His ideal way of death is, he will purely clean himself of his body and his mind with a set of clean clothes, and say goodbye to whose he needs to, and find by himself his final place buries him, with tears of impression in his eyes, reading the versions he knows from his belief, and randomly blows off his life like wind. This description leaves the readers a deep thinking that dream of death is so simple, but not easy to realize what we expect to be or to do. The fate of (we) human beings is really fierce. Whoever are capable enough, is unable to know when and how we will die. We are really limited and hopeless when encountering death. The author brought us into a deep thinking that although this is only a case of death from a simple family, yet this case we all never escape, and this enlightens us that we need to reduce of mind of being aggressive. Life is unexpected, and we are limited, this is not pessimistic, but insightful awareness of the fate for (we) human beings. The author didn’t deliberately put us into a sad mind, but reminded us to prepare for another way of life, which is life with a rope we can hold for the purity of being a human, this rope will lead us with a road to the God, save us being away from the material occupation in this world. Therefore, the first part of narration about death understanding of Ma Zishan was not negatively to cut off the rope of hope for being alive in this world, but to connect us with concerning the meanings of life, the start point of enjoying life with clarification of the existence.
Sacrifice, for general understanding, is but a ritual and rite for remembering those who passed away, a way to save them from hell to heaven. It universally exists in our life, the motivation of sacrifice was not functional, but a process of curing the sadness of losing the relatives (well said), a rite through the sacrifice to help the dead being relieved, also the relief for the alive. As being commonly understood that sacrifice is functional, because the offspring need to express or release their emotion of filial piety (ethical thinking), the author didn’t accept this excessive functional comprehension the meaning of sacrifice, it is part of life, the process of understanding the life and the death, the emotion of not easily accepting the reality the relative was away for ever. Yacub, Ma Zishan’s son, and also his deceased wife’s son, planned to solemnly and carefully sacrifice the cattle for his mother, to save her and guarantee his mother’s staying in the heaven on the day of her 40 days pass-way ceremony and memorial. But for Ma Zishi, this aged man, has experienced so many bearings and deaths, said blandly that no need to put more burdens on the alive. When Yacub suggested sacrificing the cattle, Ma Zishan didn’t accept the suggestion, in his mind, the cattle was also a life, which was more prominent than a human life, because the cattle was also a member of the family, played, has been playing, and will also play important roles in the family. The sacrifice of the cattle was also a lost, ritual was but a ritual, no need to do it based on another lost, because Ma Zishan had his indifference of paying attention to what others, including his neighbors, other relatives thought about this ritual.
The author clearly told the readers Yacub and his father Ma Zishan’s different attitudes towards the sacrifice, for Yacub, it was a ritual sincerely for his mother and kind of show to others to see how he loved his deceased mother, a secularized concept of saving his face. But his father Ma Zishan fell into a dilemma, to sacrifice or not, both (were lost) meant loss for him.
Yacub missed his mother, he could not directly express his love to his mother, because his mother has passed away. He expressed his filial piety through cattle, he took care of the cattle, seemed to the care of his mother. The cattle connected him and his mother, for him, he was not simply feeding the cattle, but the same as a relative he loved very much. Because of this, the preparation for the sacrifice of the cattle became some particular meaningful ritual, what even impressed him that even he wanted to address the cattle mother.
But Yacub didn’t have the same sophisticated understanding of the meanings of life as his father, Ma Zishan. Ma Zishan considered the sacrifice as secularized ritual, a way to express the feeling, in his mind, whatever we human beings alive, should focus on the current meaning of being alive, not being bounded or tied with the secularization, otherwise the ritual might spoil or pollute the purity of the sincere belief.
Although Yacub and Ma Zishan had some disputes about the sacrifice, they didn’t put them forward to agree of the disagree, they didn’t intend to discomfort their deceased relative, mother and wife. For the respect of a life, the cattle, they respectively through their understanding of the meanings of life, the importance of the sacrifice to the treatment of the cattle. Knowing from his son that the cattle stopped eating any more, Ma Zishan was even more confidently assured that this life, was not simply an animal, but a life could comprehend whole world. Because the cattle, as said, before being sacrificed, would fast, not eat anything any more. How could this be?
Because while drinking the water, the cattle could clearly see a knife in the water, knife will be used to kill him, cut off his head. The cattle’s fast even more deeply revealed Ma Zishan his understanding the respect of the life. He didn’t stop his son of this holy sacrifice, because for the cattle, it is his destination, sacrificed with a mission to die, after years of contribution to this family. This kind of death, for a cattle, is also the most expected as well. It is much better than being killed only for flesh, because that kind of death had no mission, the meanings of life of a cattle was damaged.
The author through Ma Zishan and Yacub, provided us a picturesque of understanding the meanings of life thought the media of a cattle. We human beings need a happy and expected destination, which was not complied with fortune or money (very philosophical), but a rope of hope for being a man with contribution to this and next life. Besides, the cattle, as animal be respected too. In this current society, we are all trying all out to make more money, not caring at all the cleaning of our waste in our mind, we are losing our spiritual meaning of living in this world, even though some with religions. Though the topic, knife in the water, the author really wants us to carefully think about the meanings of life, the protection and caring for the animals as well.
改编自知名作家石舒清同名小说,由@Sean王学博 执导,斩获釜山国际电影节最高奖的《清水里的刀子》,即将于4月4日全国上映。近期路演点映收获包括@管虎 导演在内的诸多好评。虽然影迷翘首以盼,但院线市场依然残酷,希望大家能在首周走进影院支持文艺佳作,在西海固的古典夜色中寻回每个人的清洁。