It is time
As night fell, the promised storm blew up. Time passing by, the storm raged more and more ferociously. I could hardly fall asleep, not only for the terrible weather, but also for a mail sent from my ex-boyfriend just an hour ago, which read “Jean, I am so sorry for what I’ve done and I have a lot to tell you. I miss you so much, dear. Would you talk with me? I’ll wait for you tomorrow in my home. Love you!”
What on earth did it mean? Did he want to make up with me after the separation for 18 months? And what should I do? I was not quite sure if I still had crush on him, the boy who ever lay in the depth of my heart.
When I came back to realize what I had done the next day, I had already sit in my car on the side of the halfway. Panicked, I called Lily, my close friend, as I drove. I told her that I had to turn over because I was so afraid to see him and I had a sudden urge to go back home. I could not make a decision on going to him, or going home.
“Go to him.” She said, “Trust me, you will regret it if you don’t. You will never know whatever you may be faced up with, and you got to know where it will take you. Only in this way can you learn how to move on. It is time, Jean.” She is totally right, so I pulled my car in the direction of his house.
Around half an hour, I pulled my car at the parking area and took a minute to refresh my make-up, adding some lip gross, just in case. Then I took a long deep breath and stepped out of the car.
There he was. He walked to me wearing the familiar smile and with his dazzling eyes, I tried to avoid not being drenched in his smile and eyes. We embraced each other halfway to his house. I managed to keep calm and wore my smile.
“So nice to see you again, I miss you so much.” He said this to me when we hugged.
“You look good.” I told him as I “checked out” the “New Alex Wesley.”
We went straight in his house and sat on the edge of the couch. When we made small talk, I tried my best to avoid thinking about his betray of choosing another girl instead of me 18 months ago. He told me he was sorry and other things that I wanted to hear from him for ages. It should have been happy event for me, whereas, something is out of control. I took it for nerves, until he pulled me into a kiss. For a time, he looked at me and smiled “It is a dream I am not going to wake up. You are here, with me.” I could not feeling any sparks. It felt wrong. But how could it did not feel right?
Strangely, it seemed like kissing the back of my hand that kissing with him. No sparks, no heartbeats. Somehow, I was confused. Then I came to know something was different, something had changed.
His hands were still around my waist. “Hang on.” I lightly pushed him away, attempting to make this in order before it went more serious, I asked,” What is different with you?”
“What?” he said with a misunderstanding smile, “I am the Old Alex. Never have I changed.”
“Okay.” I said seriously. There was no point beating around the bush.” You texted me that you had a lot tell me and tell me about it.”
He beamed at me,” I just want to say I do miss you. My life is full of emptiness, since you gone. But you acted cool in your way, moving on, dating out and having fun. You are always keeping your head ahead. I miss you and miss you. Go back and come with me. So silly I am, I am really regret for what I did before.”
Nevertheless, something he did not know was that after breaking up with him, I had to put up mask to pretend that I was fine, but something inside is dreadful. And he would never know how much time I drank night after night for ridding him out of my mind. Now there it was, I began doubt whether this man in front of me is the right one for me.
The room was quiet, but my mind was busy with thoughts and questions. Should I give him another choice? Every time I recalled the good memories with him, the bad ones flooded behind. I could not resist the pains he had ever put on me. But why should I go back to someone who hurt me badly, cheated on me and still wanted to haunt me? The more I thought, the angrier I got. It was a time I should cut down all those feelings and be ready to move on.
Eventually, I take a step. “Alex, let me put it this way.” I stopped for a while and continued, “We both know it will not work, even if we have tried. Nothing is the same now. You own your life while I have mine. See? It is different.”
He seemed quite furious that he could not say one word. After a while, he bagged, “What should I do to make you back?”
I shook my head and told him “Nothing you need to do. That is my own choice. We do not be suitable for each other anymore. I guess you had known that already. Moreover, it is too strange for me to see you again. And there is no sparks between us anymore which I thought we should have. They are gone with the time.”
Covering his face in both of his hands, he said hoarsely, “It’s up to you, stay or leave. Once you decide to leave, then never come back!”
That it was, an end, now or never.
I got on my feet and looked at him for the one last time. Then I walked towards my car, opened the car door, took out my key and motivated the engine. I was in such a relief that I started to drive home.
And I could not help thinking that Lily was definitely right. What would happen if I had not been there. I might never get out of this relationship by then.
That night, I was not cursed by the nightmare as I used to be, since I knew tomorrow would be brilliant for the new-born me.