【15级国际市场营销班】涂仕达 composition 3 (26...

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来自: star 2016-11-09 00:09:16

标题:【15级国际市场营销班】涂仕达 composition 3 (267words)
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  • 你想嘎哈 2016-11-13 16:00:36

    他评 帅红娟
    总评:内容空洞,没有结构,语法错误多
    content:1、文章中心不明确,在文章开头作者所得到的想法是in the face of nature human is so cannot withstand a single blow ,但是后面的内容和作者的想法完全不一样
    2、内容空洞乏味,没有具体的例子佐证作者的观点,人类发明了对生活需求有用的东西,但是却给环境带来了危害,可以写带来了哪些危害,有什么措施去减少危害,最后可以说一下自己的想法
    structure and organization:1、全文“一气呵成”,只有一段,下次写记得分段
    2、内容结构不清晰,仅仅在表面上说我们要保护环境,却没有具体的保护措施
    3、句首没大写,也用了further more,as well as连接句子
    language:一、语法准确性:in the face of nature human is so cannot withstand a single blow.;Compared to the age of the earth中is 和cannot都是动词,应改为human cannot withstand a single blow;although 和but不能连用;But only to meet the requirements of the part.,but是连接词,后面可以接完整的句子,应该是but they only meet the requirements of the part;For example后面跟句子,所以the invention of the automobile to facilitate people's travel, electric power to improve family life, what were invented to meet the daily requirements中的to去掉;We need to know the car is running or needed to produce electricity for coal fuel is composed of tens of millions of years before the earthquake应改为what we need to know is the car is running and produce electricity for burning coal fuels that are composed of tens and millions of years before the earthquake; the tsunami of animals 是什么意思?remain是动词,可以用hangover代替;human like a drop in the bucket.like 是介词,应该是is like; predatory 是形容词,名词形式是predation;The deterioration of the ecological environment make 主语是deterioration,单数,所以谓语要用makes;Some changes have foresight appeal中foresight是名词,appeal是动词,我觉得应该改成some changes are far-sighted;protect the environment is imminent.中protect不能直接做主语,用protecting;.we should appeal to all mankind to protect the environment, appeal to后面接do sth或者appeal sb to do sth;as long as everyone gave their own a force,gave应该改成gives
    二、语法多样性:用了although从句,for example等,用了同位语从句 We need to know the car is running or needed to produce electricity for coal fuel is composed of tens of millions of years before the earthquake,主语从句what were invented meet the daily requirements
    三、词汇准确性:development用improve 有点不合适,文中有些词性没有弄清像predatory,remain,appeal ,foresight
    四、词汇多样性:运用了as well as ,further more,for example,可以多运用新鲜词汇
    length:不到300字,可以在参考上面的建议在措施方面还有危害性进行扩写,尽量达到字数要求

  • star

    star 2016-11-13 20:42:27

    自评:感谢帅红娟同学对我肯切地批评指正,语法错误的确连篇累牍,以后写作要更加严谨细致,再者,评价的具体问题都很正确,所以会虚心接受,努力提高英语写作能力和语法方面的知识,最后,提高词汇量,了解各个词的具体含义和具体用法,绝不乱搬乱套,做到起码的准确性。

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