Woody的一些引语

2005-10-31 13:43:44 来自: GMbert(地球上的最后一年，23 ！)

Even as a kid I always went for the wrong women, when we went to see Snow White, everyone fell in love with Snow White, I immediately fell for the wicked queen.
甚至在小的时候我也总是选错女人，当去看《白雪公主》的时，所有的孩子都爱上了白雪公主，而我却爱上了邪恶的王后。

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
我是个很好的爱人，因为我在自己身上练习过很多次了。

Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night.
双性恋使你在周六晚上约会的机会增倍。

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
性和死亡之间的区别在于，死亡你可以独自完成而且没有人会取笑于你。

2005-11-07 16:56:55 卡帕 (河童你要到哪里去)

第二句来自《爱与死》，别的呢？

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2005-11-08 09:24:16 GMbert (地球上的最后一年，23 ！)

第一句应该是出自《不长羽毛》
第三句出自《爱与死》
第四句来自"New York Tribune", 1975

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2005-11-11 16:02:30 不妥

还有一句是：我很久没有亲近过女人，上次进入一个女人体内的时候是参观自由女神像。

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2005-11-16 19:27:26 Merel

你厉害!

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2005-11-28 22:52:26 卡帕 (河童你要到哪里去)

第一句应该是出自《安妮·霍尔》

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2006-01-22 00:45:08 NG (之)

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.
p.s:Gabriel素标准艾丝哦

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2006-02-10 14:49:06 方言即文化

Play it agian, Sam

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2006-02-10 14:53:06 方言即文化

I like the rain, it washes the memories off the sidewalk of life.

这句不肯定准确，记得大意如此

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2006-02-24 00:28:34 woodyallen (work, work, wink)

Woody Allen funny quotes...1

Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
(Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex)

That [sex] was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
(Annie Hall)

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I
love.
(Annie Hall)

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.

I'm such a good lover because I practise a lot on my own.

The food in this place is really terrible. Yes, and such small portions. That's essentially how I feel about life.
(Annie Hall)

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
(Love and Death)

I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
(Play it Again Sam)

I'm really a timid person - I was beaten up by Quakers.
(Sleepers)

My brain - it's my second favorite organ.
(Sleeper)

Q. Have you ever taken a serious political stand on anything?
A. Yeah. Sure. For twenty-four hours once I refused to eat grapes.
(Sleeper)

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
(Getting Even, 'My Philosophy')

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
(New Yorker, 'My Philosophy')

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
(Without Feathers, 'The Scrolls')

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
(Death)

The thing to remember is that each time of life has its appropriate rewards, whereas when you're dead it's hard to find the light switch. The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
(The Early Essays)

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
(The Early Essays)

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.
(Woody Allen: Clown Prince of American Humor)

My parents were very old world. They come from Brooklyn, which is the heart of the Old World. Their values in life are God and carpeting.
(Woody Allen: Clown Prince of American Humor)

I have never been an intellectual but I have this look.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to sleep with me and she said 'no'.
(Woody Allen Volume Two)

I am at two with nature.
(Woody Allen: Clown Prince of American Humor)

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him 'be fruitful, and multiply.' But not in those words.
(Woody Allen: Clown Prince of American Humor)

I wanted to be an arch-criminal as a child, before I discovered I was too short.
(Woody Allen: Clown Prince of American Humor)

I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.
(Woody Allen: Clown Prince of American Humor)

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they rent out my room.
(Woody Allen and His Comedy)

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2006-02-24 00:30:45 woodyallen (work, work, wink)

Woody Allen humorous quotes...2

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
(Woody Allen and His Comedy)

Death is an acquired trait.
(Woody Allen and His Comedy)

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work…I
want to achieve it through not dying.
(Woody Allen and His Comedy)

I took a speed reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
(Quote and Unquote)

Take the money and run.
(Film title)

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
(Selections from the Allen Notebooks, New Yorker)

On bisexuality: It immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
(New York Times)

I recently turned sixty. Practically a third of my life is over.
(Sayings of the Week, Observer)

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's so hard to find your way around Chinatown.

How can I believe in God when justlast week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

I sold the memoirs of my sex life to a publisher - they are going to make a board game out of it.

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips.

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

I do not believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

There are two types of people in this world: good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more .

More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

94.5% of all statistics are made up.

Why ruin a good story with the truth?

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.

It is impossible to travel faster than light and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off...

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing. Between 5, it's fantastic.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.

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